


Give into the Given

by Rays



Series: Into the Given [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Learning how to be a family, Mild Description Of Injury, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Bonding, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Underage Drinking, apocalypse trauma, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, description of dead bodies, does it count if it's Five?, secluded in the woods, stopping the apocalypse, talking through shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 43,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22981840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rays/pseuds/Rays
Summary: “Fuck,” Klaus breathed, skidding to a stop, his hands shaking. “We stopped the apocalypse!” Like it had finally dawned on him what happened, Klaus looked relieved and in complete awe. Five was sure this was the appropriate response for saving the world, for completing the mission he has been on for decades, but he couldn’t feel it. The only thing Five felt was the crushing weight of an overwhelming panic that threatened to swallow him up and never bring him back.-------------Or...what if they didn't blow up the moon?
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy)
Series: Into the Given [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651621
Comments: 273
Kudos: 941





	1. Cannons a blazing shower these moonlit skies

**Author's Note:**

> Just your typical "...fuck, we have to be a family now?" fic. I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Title and chapter title from the song "This Time Around" by Hanson

_Ash_. It was all Five could see as he stepped out of the Icarus theatre and into the cloudless night sky. He could feel it coating his skin and burning his lungs as he breathed. He could smell the smoke in the air and the decaying flesh that would stick on his clothes almost as bad as the sewage seeping up to the surface. Five stumbled down the steps out of the theatre and in his mind he saw buildings crumbled around him, fires burning, and the body of a dead child clutching a detached hand. He was momentarily blinded by a light and was suddenly pulled back into reality and out of the way of moving car.

“What the fuck Five?” Diego’s voice cut through the ringing in his ears and he blinked at the street that suddenly in front of him. Diego had his arm in a vice grip and his face shone with sweat that only made the concern stand out more. “Watch where you’re going!” Without another word, he let go of Five’s arm and turned to the rest of their family as they made their way out onto the sidewalk.

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Diego said, the sound of sirens in the distance were getting closer and Five numbly made his way to his side.

“Maybe we can explain,” Klaus said, his voice tentative as he curled his fingers around the dog tags hung on his neck. “I mean, we’re the Umbrella Academy, maybe we’re just coming out of retirement. Just doing our thing and stopping the apocalypse and saving the world!” God, did they? Was that really it? Five looked up at the sky, clear and calm. The full moon glowed along with stars, a sight Five didn’t see for forty-five years.

“Yeah, but who were we stopping?” Diego muttered cynically and glanced at Five, who could only stare back in silent bewilderment. “Right now all it looks like is Vanya attacked the whole theatre.” _Vanya_. Five felt his stomach lurch and for a moment his vision blurred as he finally dared to look at his unconscious sister. His body was still buzzing from whatever power she used on them. He still felt like he was floating above that stage, his life draining out of him and of his brothers. As he stared into her strange, white eyes, he knew he had failed.

All this time, all those years working at getting back to his family, it had been Vanya who caused the apocalypse. His sweet sister who had been his closest confidant as a child. The one he would turn too for comfort and companionship. Because she had been _ordinary_. Normal, she had nothing to prove like him and the others. He didn’t realize she had a very different perspective on her status as the ordinary one. He didn’t realize what that would lead too. That the apocalyptic wasteland he grew up in, could still feel all around him, had been because of her. 

“We have to get her out of here,” Luther said, Vanya still limp in his arms, the fabric of the white suit she wore twisting in his fingers. The emotions playing across Luther’s face were hard to decipher, but it was clear that their Number One was crumbling. “We need to get somewhere safe.”

“Where do we go?” Klaus asked. “Vanya blew up the house.” The academy, _home,_ was gone. Five hated growing up there, but the second it was taken from him at thirteen, all he wanted was to go home. He always imagined this moment, stopping the apocalypse, would be followed by a long-awaited sleep in his own bed. Five shuddered and his legs felt as if they would give out on him any second. Without even realizing it, he leaned against Diego next to him. Diego, thankfully, didn’t react.

“The first thing we need to do is at least get out of sight,” Diego said, watching as the lights from that accompanied the sirens blaring came closer. “Come on!” Five was almost pulled off feet as Diego ran forward gripping Five’s arm tightly in his hand. After stumbling a few steps, Five found his footing and pushed Diego’s hand off him. They all ran for the alley behind the theatre where a few cars were still parked.

“Fuck,” Klaus breathed, skidding to a stop, his hands shaking. “We stopped the apocalypse!” Like it had finally dawned on him what happened, Klaus looked relieved and in complete awe. Five was sure this was the appropriate response for saving the world, for completing the mission he has been on for decades, but he couldn’t feel it. The only thing Five felt was the crushing weight of an overwhelming panic that threatened to swallow him up and never bring him back.

“Where can we go?” Luther asked and Diego moved over to one of the cars and found it unlocked. “If the police are after her, Vanya’s apartment isn’t safe.” It wasn’t only the police they needed to worry about. Five felt all the air leave his body and he had to gulp in the air around him. Without Diego’s presence at his side anymore, Five worried for a moment he would collapse. 

“What about your place Diego?”

“Not a good idea,” 

“What about-”

Their voices began to trail off and all Five could hear was the pounding of his heart. How long did they have until the commission would come after them again? Five was now sure he hadn’t slowed them down as much as he thought he did judging by the team they had sent to kill them. Did they really stop the apocalypse or had they just bought them some time? 

“Five?” 

They were probably sending someone right now. Five frantically shot his head around, trying to see all the different directions. They wouldn’t have a lot of time, and they were already at a disadvantage. Five was pushing his limits already, Diego was out of knives, and Allison had been struggling already from her injury. Also, if the others were feeling the effects of Vanya’s powers the same as Five, they were all about to pass right out.

“ _Five?_ ” 

Maybe Klaus still had some juice left in him and he could conjure Ben again. _Ben_. Had that really happened? Was that really Ben? The lightheaded feeling threatened to fully take over him when Five suddenly found himself being manhandled into the front seat of a car by Diego.

“Sit down for fuck’s sake,” he spat and actually took the time to put the seatbelt across his lap. Five blinked and looked around at the car. Where had this come from? 

He tried to speak but only a vague gasp made it out. Instead, he pointed to his surroundings and Diego just shrugged.

“Don’t worry Fivey,” Klaus was suddenly there, a dopey grin on his face. “A little grand theft auto is pretty low on the list of crazy shit that’s happened this past week.” The door behind him opened with a squeak and Luther was struggling to get his large frame through the door. Diego slammed the passenger side shut and Five watched as he and Klaus walked away.

“Pass her over here,’ Luther said once he was seated inside. “Carefully.” Vanya was passed into his waiting arms and Five watched through the rearview mirror as Luther took her like she was made of glass and then held her close to his chest. 

Allison got into the driver’s seat, her mouth set in a firm straight line. She gripped the steering wheel and when she made eye contact with Five, he felt a wave of shame and fear crash over him. They should have listened to her. Five should have listened to her. She had been right, all along. If they had just _talked_ to Vanya or gave her creepy new boyfriend more than a passing thought, they could have avoided this. The white bandage on Allison’s neck stood out like a bright beacon of all the ways they had failed their sisters.

“Where are we going?” he finally croaked out. It had been the first words he’d said since dropping to the ground in the theatre. Logically he knew he was in some kind of shock right now, but he could fight past this.

“Allison has a place,” Luther said as Allison put the car in drive. “It’s about an hour from here, and it’s secluded.” Five nodded. That was a good plan, they could debrief there.

Five almost jumped when he realized they were moving. Looking out the window he saw Klaus and Diego still out there, in the open, where anyone could get them. Panic seized him and instinctively he grabbed the door handle but found it was locked.

“It’s okay,” Luther said from behind him. “They’re coming too, they’re just going to find Diego’s car.” Five breathed out a sigh of relief and his hand fell back to his lap. Five watched the street going past. Police and firetrucks were swarming the theatre now and they drove away in the opposite direction. As the blinking lights began to fade and there was more distance between them and spot of the almost apocalypse, Five let his forehead rest against the cool glass of the window. Finally, with his family momentarily safe and the world still intact, Five gave in to the darkness.


	2. Defeated by my cover, different legs stand in my place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the song "Say Goodbye (I won't even)" by Adaline

_“Please don’t do this,” Five frowned at his sister. She didn’t understand. Not the math or his powers, there was no way she could understand. “What if it doesn’t work? Dad said it was dangerous.”_

_“Now you’re trusting him over me?” Five laughed and began to gather all of his books and papers off the table in the library._

_“You know that’s not true,” Vanya said defensively. “But time travel? That’s really big.” Five didn’t say anything, he stormed his way to the door instead. He was done with the same conversation over and over. They all thought that righteous bastard was right. When had Reginald Hargreeves ever been right?_

_“Five, wait!” Vanya called, hurrying after him. “Can we just talk about this?”_

_“I’m giving him one more chance,” Five said over his shoulder. “If he refuses one more time, I’m taking matters into my own hands.” Five strode away faster, never bothering to look over his shoulder to see the tears rolling down her cheeks._

_“Five please, wait,” she called._ **_“Five!”_ **

Five was jolted out his unwanted sleep by Luther shaking him roughly. Luther was leaning in close, his blue eyes almost glowing in the dark, and Five could see the relief wash over him.

“You weren’t waking up,” he said apologetically, he took a few steps back and Five realized he was still in the stolen car. “We’re here,” Behind Luther, Five could see the large white house in front of him.

It was dark and he didn’t have the widest view from his spot in the car, but the house seemed nice. It was your typical movie star hideaway and as Luther had said, it was secluded. Five could see no road except the dirt one they must have driven on. There were also no other houses and they were surrounded on all sides by woods. 

The clock in the car let him know that it was only just after ten. Five’s stomach sank. It was still April 1st. Just barely two hours ago the world had almost ended and now Five just needed it to be past midnight. He needed to know that this day was truly over, once in for all. 

“Where’s Vanya?” he asked as he got out of the car. His limbs still felt like they were buzzing and his head was pounding. His eyes darted around to the trees, looking to see if there was anyone watching them but it was pointless in the dark.

“She’s inside with Allison,” Luther explained. “She hasn’t woken up yet.” Five snapped his attention to Luther’s worried face and Vanya’s white jacket in his hands. His eyes were shining with unshed tears and Five could see his hands shake slightly. 

Five knew this was one of those moments it would be good to comfort his brother, but Five wasn’t quite sure how to do that. When he looked in Luther’s eyes he saw the same shame he felt deep in his chest. 

_“I’m with Luther on this one. We can’t give her a chance to fight back.”_

They had both been wrong and now as they stared silently at each other in the seclusion that only Hollywood could buy you, they both knew they were going to have to live with that guilt for the rest of their lives. Five had no words of comfort for his brother because there was nothing anyone could say to him that would take this shame away.

 _Fuck,_ how could he have been so wrong? 

*************************************

Vanya’s eyes were back to the normal soft brown. For that, Five was grateful. Her pupils were also reactive and her breathing and heart rate seemed to be normal. Luther had explained all this to him, but Five had to see for himself. They had taken her to a guest room that was on the ground level of the house. Allison sat by her side holding her hand. She hardly reacted when Five had come in the room snapping at Luther about his questionable first aid assessments. Her eyes stayed on Vanya’s sleeping face and it was clear that she was staying with her.

“I’m assuming that she just needs to recharge?” Luther said it like it was a question and Five rolled his eyes at him because that was pretty obvious. “What was _that?”_

“Energy,” Five guessed, his hand running through his hair. “Thirty years of pent up energy. We should go back to the Academy. We need to find everything the old man had on her power. Maybe get some answers on how to train her.” Five wasn’t sure that was possible. If anything did survive Vanya’s destruction, Reginald obviously had no luck on training Vanya back in the day, but they had to at least look.

“Well, Diego said he and Klaus were going to go there,” Luther said. “And they’re going to get supplies. Allison says no one has been here in months so it’s there isn’t much food here. Maybe they’ll find something.” Five chewed on his lip nervously. He had forgotten that Diego and Klaus were still on their way. There was still a chance that the commission could find them.

“When are they getting here?” he asked. 

“The message Diego left on the machine here was about twenty minutes after we left them,” Luther said. “They were at the gym and were on their way to the Academy. So it probably won’t be for another hour or so.” Five closed his eyes against the panic that was swelling inside him. He needed them all to be under the same roof, they needed to end this day together.

“Alright,” he said with a sigh. “I need to-,” he was about the warp himself out of there, but Luther grabbed his arm.

“You need to rest,” he told him firmly. “Whatever it is you have to do can wait a couple of hours. You’re swaying on your feet right now.” Five hadn’t even realized, but he was trembling all over. The last eight days of constant stress and a shrapnel wound apparently had not been magically healed by an hour nap in a car, but Five couldn’t rest now.

“There _isn’t_ time.” Five shot back. “Do you have any idea how fragile all of this is right now? Do you know those masked gunmen trying to kill us a few hours ago? They were sent by the commission and now that we’ve stopped the apocalypse, you really don’t think they’re going to send more?” 

“If that happens, we’ll handle it,” Luther said. “But what good could you actually do in your condition? You need some sleep.” Five was ready to protest, ready to tell Luther to fuck off when Allison’s notepad was shoved in his face.

 _“ **SLEEP NOW!** ”_ She had underlined it three times and when Five met her angry gaze, all protests ceased. 

************************************

When you first walked into Allison’s house you were met with a large hallway that branched off to all the other rooms of the house and ended at a large kitchen in the back. There was a living room with couches and toys stuffed into the corner. There was a study where Five caught a glimpse of his sister's many movie posters. And there was the bedroom where Vanya was sleeping. 

On the top floor, there were four other rooms and a bathroom at the end of the hall. Allison shut the door to a room that was very pink and Five didn’t say anything. She offered him the master bedroom but Five turned it down. Allison should have her own bed, and when she explained that she was staying with Vanya, Five pointed out that Luther would get better use out of that size of a bed. He wasn’t looking for a big comfortable bed, he wasn’t really used to _comfortable_. When she brought him to the smallest room that was set up as an office, he agreed to sleep on the pull-out couch.

Five watched thoughtfully as Allison made up the bed for him. It wasn’t a thought that he would ever dwell on, but if he was honest then he would say that of all his siblings, he felt the least close with Allison. It wasn’t that they didn’t like each other or didn’t get along. On the contrary, when they hung out altogether, Allison was the one who could match his wit in teasing the others. They hadn’t fought much as kids, and he couldn’t pinpoint any real reason for the distance that he always felt with his sister, but he knew it was there. 

He had to dig deep into his memories to remember private moments between the two of them. There were just small flashes in his mind. Coloring a picture under the table in the kitchen. Five sitting next to her, a hand on her shoulder doing his best to comfort her after a scraped knee. Five holding his finger on a present so Allison could tie the bow just right. For whatever reason, they had never truly connected as kids. Puberty came for Allison first and that only put a wider distance between and Five was gone before they could have tried to have a closer relationship.

Five wasn't surprised to find out she’d grown up into an actress. She had always been captivating and demanded attention more directly than the rest of them ever did. Allison was the kind of person that turned heads when she walked in the room and charisma poured out of her in ways that Five felt had to be her powers but never were. Allison’s career path didn’t surprise him but learning how heavily she relied on her powers to advance did. He had hoped Allison had grown past relying so much on her rumors, but he supposed he had no room to talk. They may not have been close, but they both pushed their powers to the point of no return.

After tucking the last corner to the top blanket down, Allison scribbled on her notepad.

“ _Towels in the hall closet for a shower.”_ She offered a smile and unlike the others, she didn’t expect a response from him. She tucked the notepad back in her pocket and made her way to the door. Surprising both of them, Five reached out and grabbed her hand. There were so many things Five needed to make right. Squeezing Allison's hand, he hoped this could be the start of fixing one of them. Allison faced him with a soft smile and she wrapped her arms around him. Closing his eyes, Five leaned into it.

************************************

“Holy shit, it’s true!” Falling asleep had been easier than Five thought it was going to be. He figured he could humor Allison and Luther by letting them think he was asleep but actually get started working out if they were safe or not. But once his head hit the pillow Five was once again swallowed up by the sleep he desperately needed. “I thought Luther was full of shit,” And apparently, getting woken up by Klaus babbling at the door was also easier than he would have hoped.

Wait... _Klaus_.

Five opened his eyes and sure enough, Klaus was peeking in the door, just his head and shoulders, with the light from the hallway flooding in. Five felt some of the tension inside his lesson at the sight of his brother. He and Diego had made it to Allison’s safe so there were no more assassins after them for at least the moment and for that Five was grateful. 

“Oh shit,” Klaus said, his eyes meeting Five’s. “No, no, don’t wake up!” Five didn’t even lift his head, for once letting himself just be exhausted but Klaus must have seen his open eyes because now he looked panicked.

“Allison is going to kill me!” he said quickly backing out of the room. “Nite nite! Love you!” Klaus shut the door after that and Five heard his fast escape. Looking over the clock on the desk Five smiled and as it switched from 11:59 to 12:00. He fell back asleep with his entire family safe on April 2nd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! They mean the world to me! More to come soon, including: plot! Let me know what you think!


	3. Only priests and clowns can save us now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title chapter from the song Turn and Turn Again by All Thieves

When Five was 22 he almost died. To be fair, he had come close plenty of times before that. Being 13 and the only one alive in an apocalyptic wasteland, survival wasn’t guaranteed. If it hadn’t been for his dwindling innocence and his innate ability to adapt, Five might have understood the danger he’d been in sooner.

He had been scavenging for the upcoming winter when he fumbled over a loose brick and fell six feet to the ground. At first, he thought he’d been lucky, he had managed to protect his head and nothing felt broken. Then the pain in his stomach alerted him to the large gash that was gushing blood and the rusty pole he’d landed next too. An hour later, delirious from pain, Five had managed to get the bleeding under control and stitch up the wound. 

He lay in his own sick and piss for days as his body ravaged from infection and he downed more drugs than he was sure even Klaus had done. Delores stayed by his side the whole time and in his fevered dreams, she laid down with him and held him in her arms. He knew this was it, he was going to die and he had failed his family all over again. He tried to leave his shelter once, even though the wind was howling outside and he could barely stand. Delores had to coax him back into bed and he sobbed, sobbed harder than when he’d buried his siblings. Five wanted to go to them. No one would be around after he died and no one would be able to bury him alongside them. 

A few weeks later, Five was back on his feet and making up for the lost time. He and Delores never spoke about his pleas to die by the graves of his family but the scar that was left behind never faded. The scar was gone now, along with everything else. 

Five rubbed a towel over his freshly washed hair before finally looking at himself in the mirror. He still wasn’t used to seeing that young face staring back at him. Gone were the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth and the deep bags under his eyes. His hair was thick and dark once again and his face was smooth, still a few years off for anything to grow there. He looked the same as he did the day he got up from that table. It was as if he’d come straight from that moment to right now. All of the evidence of the life he had lived was gone as if it never happened. 

Five pulled his blazer up his shoulders and stepped away from the mirror. His last remaining uniform would have to do for clothes for now, but he figured it was finally time to get something new. He stretched out his arm and had to admit to himself that his younger body had some advantages. There was no more arthritis in his elbow and wrists. His knees and back no longer hurt and his vision was back to perfect. Five almost forgot that these things were different. He still braced himself when he was about to stand and even squinted at things out of some strange instinct.

Coming down the stairs, Five noted the difference the daylight made on Allison’s house. It had white walls and dark hardwood floors. The walls were lined with pictures of Allison, Patrick and Claire. Drawings that were sighed with a big _C_ hung on the walls as well. The house was surrounded by trees and there were large windows everywhere letting the light in. This house felt warm and welcoming. It was the opposite of the Academy. 

“So, what were you able to find?” Five asked as he came to the bottom of the stairs where Diego and Luther were standing together outside of Vanya’s room.

“Nothing really,” Diego said, leaning against the door frame. “It was too dark to find anything, but we did talk to someone from the city. We have a few days before they start the big clean up. I'm going back today, see what I can find.”

“Do they know what happened?” Do they know that Vanya did all that destruction? That their own sister had that kind of power inside her and now they had let it loose?

“Gas leak,” 

“They’re going to find out that’s not true,” Luther said. “What are we going to tell them then?” 

“I don’t know,” Diego said, his voice taking that tone that meant a fight was coming. “Why don’t you tell them how you locked our sister in a cage and basically caused all this.”

“Diego,” Luther seemed tired, but not enough to back down from Diego’s anger. “I never meant for any of that to happen. I didn’t know, I thought I was-”

“You thought what?” Diego cut him off. “You thought you knew best? Obviously, you were a little off with that,” Five rolled his eyes, it was too early for this.

“What do you know about what’s best for this family?” Luther shot back and Five blinked into the kitchen before Diego could respond. 

Five was relieved to find that Diego and Klaus had brought food as Luther had said, and even better, they brought coffee. As he waited for the coffee, he looked through the rest. There wasn’t much, a lot of eggs he noted. Five settled on the can of honey-roasted peanuts and with that and his cup of coffee he walked back out into the hallway.

Luther and Diego were still arguing, though they had moved inside Vanya’s room and by the way Allison was waving her arms at them, she had joined in.

“Griddy’s is gone,” Five almost jumped at the sound of Klaus’s voice and was luckily able to keep a hold of his coffee. Klaus was slumped on a bench that sat against the stairs and across from Vanya’s room. He had changed tank tops, but he was still wearing his army vest and those ridiculous leather pants. His hair was damp and he was holding onto his dog tags with a bit of a far off look in his eyes.

“Gone?” Five asked, turning fully to Klaus, who lifted his face and his watery green eyes looked over at him.

“We were going to bring back doughnuts for a surprise,” Klaus explained. “But when we got there, Griddy’s was just a burned-out shell. Something about the stoves and gas.” Klaus rubbed his eyes and let out a bone-weary sigh. Five frowned, he was surprised Griddy’s had been destroyed pre-apocalypse as well as the Academy. He felt the same sense of sadness as the night he went there and saw how run down it had become. In all honesty, his childish attachment to the doughnut shop had long since been severed.

Klaus looked heartbroken though. The excitement dancing in his eyes the night before had worn off and Five could practically see the thoughts of drugs dancing in his brain. Now that the panic of the ticking clock was changed into a much more ambiguous kind of danger, the concern Five felt for his brother wasn’t being pushed aside for the more immediate threat. Though Five was at a loss of how to help.

“Okay, you can stop with this holier than thou, _I did this to protect everyone_ , bullshit.” Five’s eyes flickered back to where the fight continued. “It was about Allison, just like it always is and you wanted to hurt Vanya back because you sure as hell don’t give a fuck about the rest of us!” Allison’s notebook flew across the bed and hit Diego in the head which just made the fighting worse. Five shook his head, he shouldn’t be surprised, even Klaus was rolling his eyes at the argument that never seemed to end.

“They’ve really wasted no time have they?” Five asked, sitting down next to Klaus on the bench. 

“Shocking, I know.” Klaus snorted. The corners of his mouth turned up into a bit of a smile. “We stop the apocalypse and they celebrate by having the same fight they’ve been having since we were seven.”

“You would think after all this time they would have found something else to fight about.” Five said as he set his coffee cup on the floor between his feet.

“They’re not done _brooding_ about this,” Klaus said with a roll of his eyes and a flick of his wrist.

Luther and Diego always fell right into Reginald’s sick game of their numbers. The two of them believed in it in ways the others never did. Luther bought his own hype and refused to listen to anyone else and Diego fought like if he proved himself the numbers would change. 

“Too bad we don’t have popcorn,” Klaus said with a smirk and Five held up the can of peanuts.

“Peanut?” he offered and Klaus’s smile was more relaxed now and Five could almost see the Klaus he had left behind. 

“Why thank you Buttercup,” Klaus cooed as he scooped out a handful of peanuts. Five bit his lip to stop the smile that was threatening to break out and he made no comment on the nickname.

The ways Klaus had changed made Five feel hollow in a way it didn’t with the others. The drugs and rehab weren’t a complete surprise, Klaus was already on that path when Five had left. The look in Klaus’s eyes was what Five could never have expected, not even after reading Vanya’s book. He sometimes looked like there was nothing left of him. He was just as much of a ghost as the ones who haunted him. Five had watched it start when they were young, but it seemed Reginald had succeeded in destroying the sweet child that Klaus once was. The past eight days Five had found pushing past Klaus’s changes and instead search for the familiar was the easiest way to face him.

“Diego already brought Allison into this,” Five said with a shake of his head and Klaus’s grin turned mischievous. “They’re not going to last much longer.”

Inevitably, someone would land either the final blow or the insult that would send the other running and the two would go brood in their own corners. Five and Klaus sat on the sidelines with the knowledge that they knew their numbers were bullshit and that they would never take any of this as seriously as that.

“You wanna bet?” Klaus asked, the sad far off look was gone at the prospect of restarting their old game and Five felt himself relax just a little.

“Like you have money,” he snorted, leaning back against the wall and popping a peanut into his mouth.

“Oh and I’m sure in the apocalypse you were just rolling in cash,” Klaus snapped back.

“You believed me when I said I had $20.” Five reminded him.

“Yeah,” Klaus said, dragging the word out a bit. “Because I believed that my dear long lost _brother_ would not lie to me!”

“Well that was your first mistake,” Five said. Klaus squawked at him and Five could feel the retort coming, just like a wave of nostalgia washing over him. In this small moment, everything felt almost normal.

_Luther and Diego were fighting again. Not a surprise but they were blocking the stairs that led to Five’s room. He’d just finished his training for the day and was ready to collapse on his bed._

_“Why can’t you just admit that I had the better plan?” Diego was yelling._

_“Because, it’s just like all of your plans,” Luther shouted back. “You’re reckless and it almost got Allison killed!” They had taken down a gang of high profile thieves at a museum the other day and the two of them were still fighting about the few seconds that Diego had thrown his knives early and alerted the robbers to Allison’s position. Five teleported over to her right away, and Allison was one of the more decent fighters and really didn’t need to back up, to begin with. She was fine and they saved the day as always. Still, Luther and Diego couldn’t help but to still be fighting about this._

_A quick glance at the rooms and Five saw that Ben and Vanya were not around so he headed to Klaus’s room instead. Klaus was sitting on his bed, knees drawn to his chest as he watched their fighting brothers with a gleeful look on his face._

_“How long have they been at it?” Five asked as he laid down behind Klaus on the bed._

_“Not long,” Klaus said. “They’re just getting started if you wanna place any bets.” He looked down at Five over his shoulder and his eyes twinkled in excitement. Sighing, Five leaned over a bit and squinted out in the hall._

_“Luther,”_

_“Luther?” Klaus laughed and turned his attention back out in the hall. “It’s gonna be Diego. My boy is on fire right now!”_

_“Luther just needs to land one good punch,” Five said, sitting up and moving to sit next to Klaus. “He can shut him up real quick.”_

_“Diego’s smarter than that,” Five doubted that. “Watch, he’ll say something about Allison and Luther will run off in awkward shame.” They both turned their full attention back to the hall._

_“You’re just mad because it was your precious Allison,” Deigo yelled. Klaus bounced in excitement and Five groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. “Who doesn’t need you to save her!” Predictably, Luther stared at Diego for a few more seconds before he ran for his room and slammed the door. Diego puffed out his chest a little before he too disappeared into his own room and Klaus threw his arms up in victory._

_“Aww, he never lets me down.” Klaus sighed and bounced onto his feet._

_“I think Luther needs a reminder about his power,” Five said standing up. “He would crush Diego and be done with this.”_

_“Now Fivey,” Klaus said, throwing his arm across Five’s shoulder. “Violence is not always the answer.” Five narrowed his eyes at him._

_“I could punch you right now.” he reminded him. Klaus just smiled wider. They both knew that was an empty threat._

Five was pulled from his thoughts as Diego rushed out of Vanya’s room and with a slam, was out the front door. Seconds later, Luther came rushing out of the room and was heading to follow him when Klaus jumped up in front of him.

“Hey, hold up Luther,” he said, putting his hands up. “Why don’t you just let him have a minute? Let him cool off a bit, you take a minute too. It’s been a crazy few days, we’re all on edge.” Luther looked exhausted. With all of his talk the night before about Five getting sleep, it was clear he hadn’t followed his own advice. His face was pale and his eyes were glazed over and even though he was so much bigger than Klaus, standing there Luther looked small.

“Yeah,” he finally said, blinking his eyes a few times. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Five didn’t miss the surprised look on Klaus’s face at the praise and he tried not to think about how they were all guilty of underestimating Klaus. 

“I think I’ll just get some sleep,” Luther said, moving around Klaus towards the stairs. Klaus smiled at Five, proud of himself and Five nodded his approval. “Klaus?” Luther asked just as he got to the bottom of the stairs.

“Yeah, Big Guy?” Luther fiddled with the end of one of his gloves and looked almost sheepish as he took a steadying breath.

“Is..is Ben here?” Five felt his stomach drop and the coffee and peanuts in his stomach churned ominously. _Ben._ Five had forgotten about Ben. 

“Yeah he-of course,” Klaus stumbled a little over his words and his eyes widened. “He’s sitting with Vanya right now.” Just like that, Five felt like he couldn’t breathe. Ben was here. He was really here. 

“Do you want me to get him?” Klaus asked and Luther quickly shook his head.

“No, no, I don’t-” his words drifted off as his gaze looked into the room. “If he’s with Vanya...I don’t…” 

“Okay,” Klaus said quickly. “It’s okay.” Luther nodded a few times and gave Klaus a tight smile. 

“Right, yeah…” he nodded his head and went up the stairs. Klaus turned to Five, but Five was doing everything he could not to look at Klaus.

Looking into the room, Five tried to imagine his brother sitting there and all he could see was Ben’s young face, looking at him over his book, silently telling him to _drop it_. Closing his eyes, Five swallowed a few times to ease his sudden nausea and tried to stop the feelings that were flooding through him from taking over. He could not lose it now. There was too much work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant for this chapter and the next chapter to be one, but I quickly realized that it was better splitting it up. Chapters are going to be getting longer as this goes on and I promise, I do have little more plot that is coming. I am hoping to set some things into place that will help lead to a sequel if everyone likes this little universe enough. I am planning on updates every 1-2 weeks so I hope you can stick with me!
> 
> Thank you for the comments and the kudos! They mean the world to me and help me stay motivated! Please let me know what you think!!


	4. I swear they smell the blood on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a big thank you for the comments and kudos!! It warms my heart like nothing else. This is my first time writing for this fandom so I still feel a little like Bambi walking on the ice but I'm slowly but surely getting my footing thanks to the love! I hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Chapter title from the song Blood on Me by Sampha

“Alright Benny, this is it!” Five looked up from the notebook he’d been furiously scribbling in and over to Klaus speaking to the empty air in front of him. “Time to see if sleeping actually helped.” He held his hands out in front of him, the way he had done back at the Icuars theatre, and Five held his breath as he saw tiny slips of blue light come from his brother’s fingers. 

Five’s resolve to not think about Ben lasted a whole four hours. After leaving Klaus to comfort Allison after Diego and Luther ran off, Five locked himself in the upstairs office to start the work out the probability of who the commission would send after them next. He found a notebook, he promised Allison to not write on the walls, and had almost filled it with numbers when he noticed Klaus standing outside below his window. Before he could even think the thought, Five teleported himself to the large wrap around porch and took a seat to watch. He told himself it was mere curiosity over Klaus’s apparent new skills, but Five knew it was all about Ben.

“Of course I’m _focusing_ ,” Klaus snapped, his hands dropping to his lap. “Maybe if you stopped yelling at me to _focus_ I actually could. Didn’t think of that did you?” Klaus huffed a little in frustration then he held his hands in fists again and closed his eyes. Klaus’s hands began to glow, a little brighter than before and in the space, in front of him, there were wispy, blue lines that almost appeared to be an arm.

Back at the theatre, things were happening so fast that it didn’t register that Ben was there until he was suddenly gone. Five couldn’t even remember what he looked like. Looking across to where Ben was now, blue lights blowing like a ribbon in the wind, it was hard not to picture the boy he remembered. 

Five wanted to blame the fast-approaching apocalypse on why he didn’t ask Klaus about Ben in the past eight days, and for the most part that had been true. He didn’t have time to have feelings about the one brother he would, again, fail to save. He would never be able to do what he needed too if he knew that Ben’s ghost was there and probably wondering why Five hadn’t been there. Though, deep in Five’s shame, he knew he couldn’t face him. Of all the people in his life, he had failed Ben the most and he would never be able to fix it.

“Fuck!” Klaus exclaimed and he shook his hands out. “What am I doing wrong?” He nodded a few times to himself or to Ben before taking a deep breath and tried once again.

Klaus’s powers had always been somewhat of a mystery to the rest of them. Whether it was because of Reginald being deliberately cagy or Klaus’s fear of them, no one really talked about what exactly he could do. Ghosts telling him where hostages were or tips on who they were fighting against were all they could really tell he could do. While mildly helpful, on missions he’d been regulated to lookout or distraction.

_“You know, come to think of it, he did say something about my potential and how I’ve even barely scratched the surface.”_

Of course, there had been more to it than just contacting the dead. Reginald probably knew it too and instead of telling Klaus and helping him understand it all, he stepped back and watched as a young boy drowned himself in drugs and alcohol. Five felt the familiar pang of rage built up in his chest. He should have been there, not just to save Ben, but to save Klaus as well. 

Sitting there on the porch, Five stared at Klaus’s hands as the glowed brighter blue, the same kind of blue Five saw when he used his own power. Leaning forward, Five’s heart sped up slightly. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, a memory from when they were no older than four came into focus. 

_“You must focus, Number Four,” Reginald’s voice was coming from somewhere but Five was only aware of Klaus in front of him as they stood in the basement. “This is not the time for fear.” Klaus’s eyes opened and looked to Five, begging and Five nodded to him. This is not the time for fear._

_Klaus’s tiny hands were in front of him, balled up and glowing blue. Five held his own hands in the same way,_

_“That’s it Number Five,” Reginald almost sounded like he was encouraging him and Five clenched his fists tighter and after a few seconds, blue light started to form in the air around him. His eyes widened at the sight and he looked up to see if Klaus had seen, but Klaus wasn’t watching. He was sobbing instead and Five’s happiness disappeared. Klaus’s hands glowed brighter and Five dropped his hands completely as Klaus began to scream. Covering his ears, and as tears filled his eyes, Five watched as Klaus fell to the ground._

_“Klaus!”_ Diego’s voice surprised Five enough that the notebook held loosely in his hands fell to the ground. Diego paid him no attention though, and Five shook off the memory. “Let’s go,” Klaus got up with a shake of his hands, chatting away to the still invisible Ben.

“Where are you going?” Five asked.

“Back to the Academy,” Diego said, squinting over at him. He looked surprised to see Five outside. “Find whatever that old bastard left behind, maybe it can explain why Vanya still hasn’t woken up.” Five looked nervously at the house. They were nearing 15 hours after the almost apocalypse and still no sign that Vanya would wake anytime soon. Five was trying to stay practical about the situation. Once, after a particularly taxing mission, Five was out cold for 19 hours. 

“I’m coming with you,” Five decided. “I can get into the basement level, most of it is still stable enough and there’s medical supply down there.” Five stood up and tucked the notebook under his arm.

“How do you know?” Diego asked, Klaus had joined them by now and Five didn’t miss the hint of disappointment hidden in his easy smile.

“Apocalypse,” Five reminded him. Both of his brothers looked to him sharply, worry seeping into their expressions. Five rolled his eyes. He wasn’t some fragile flower who couldn’t say the word without wilting and they were going to have to figure that out fast. 

“Let’s go,” He didn’t wait for a response, instead he jumped ahead of them, depositing himself in the backseat of Diego’s car. Taking a deep breath, his hand only twitched for a moment before going still and he went back to his equations.

****************************

“Wait, wait, explain it again.” 

“Diego this isn’t rocket science,”

“I just want you to tell me again how this detective agency of yours is going to work,” Five looked up from his notebook and at Diego who was trying to hide the amused smile on his face. 

“The ghost tells me who killed them, I manifest them and they kill their murderer!” From the seat in front of Five, Klaus’s hands swung around wildly and Diego still looked skeptical. 

“And what if they can’t?”

“That’s where _you_ come in!” Klaus said. “Just throw your little knives and justice is done!”

Five had been tuning out his brother’s chatter for most of the long drive into the city. Letting himself instead get lost in the numbers and probabilities he was working on. For most of the drive, it had been a decent distraction but he was only reaching dead ends with these equations and was running out of usable data to work with. 

“Ben thinks it’s a good idea,” Klaus went on. Now Diego eyed Klaus more curiously.

“Really?” Five watched Klaus’s eyes flicker up at the backseat and to the empty seat next to Five.

“Well, he thinks it’s an _idea_ at least.” Looking next to him, Five once again tried to imagine Ben sitting there. He wondered how much taller he was now, he seemed taller at the theatre. He seemed so different from the Ben Five remembered. When he looked at the empty seat, all Five could see was Ben curled up at his side and covered in blood that had grown cold to the touch.

Suppressing a shudder, Five pressed himself closer to the window and in the mirror, he caught Klaus’s eyes. The disappointment was hard to miss. The guilt burned in his stomach, the same it did when he looked at Vanya. He had failed the people he loved most, and he wasn’t sure if there was a way to ever make it right. 

“Can you make Ben visible again?” Diego asked almost shyly and reminded Five of a much younger Diego.

“Uh, I-I’m really trying,” Klaus stammered. “Just trying to work it- _fuck_ , it looks worse in the day.” Not even bothering to look or wait for the car to stop, Five clenched his hands into fists and jumped out of there the second he knew they had arrived. 

When the blue light cleared, and Five was back, in reality, he looked up to where he landed. In front of him was the Academy, broken down to smoldering rubble. His heart stopped and the ringing in his ears that oftentimes accompanied his spacial jumps hummed louder. He couldn’t be back. He had only meant to jump out of the car, away from his brothers, alive and otherwise, but somehow he had gotten it wrong. _No_. _He can’t be back_.

Five tried to swallow but his throat was laced with the ash that he could see falling all around him. His skin burned from the fires and the scorching sun that, even behind the ash and smog of this new world, beat down on him. Looking at the ruins that had once been his home, Five shook his head. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have screwed this all up again?

Stumbling away from the ruined Academy, Five was starting to find it hard to breathe. The ash and death reached down his throat and was cutting off his air. He forced out a cough to try to clear his throat and it did nothing to help ease the pain in his chest. His legs moved as if underwater, but he seemed to be moving forward. His heart was now pounding in his chest, his vision hazy in front of him. _This couldn’t be happening._ He was just there with his brothers, and now they were all gone. He saw a still standing trashcan in front of him and fell against it throwing up the little food he’d eaten.

The images of his siblings' bodies flashed across his mind. He hadn’t recognized them back then, not until he found the tattoos on their wrist. Even after, knowing who they were, it had been hard for him to imagine these corpses truly being his siblings. Now though, he knew the expressions on the faces. The sounds of their voices and the weight of their hands resting on his back. They were different from the children he had left behind but they were his family and he knew he wouldn’t survive losing them again.

“Oh my god,” a nasally voice said beside him. “Is your kid okay?”

“He’s fine,” - “He’s not our kid!” The haze around Five started to fade and he was finally able to take a deep breath.

“Five?” _Klaus_. The world started to come into color and Five remembered what happened. Vanya destroyed the Academy _before_ the apocalypse. Taking a look around, the rest of the city was still there. Bathed in grey but standing. He was _home_. 

“Are you okay?” Klaus’s eyes were wide and full of concern that made something in Five ache with the need to fall forward into his brother and let himself be comforted. Instead.

“Fuck off,” he growled and pushed past Klaus to get to the bench at the bus stop. “I just need a second.” Sitting down, he tried to hide his shaking hands as he took a few steadying breaths. His limbs buzzed with the familiar pin and needles feeling and he tried to picture Delores’s face in his mind.

 _“Your lungs still work Five,”_ She would remind him gently. _“In and out, you can do it.”_

“That’s good,” a new voice was saying. “Just breathe for a second.” Surprisingly, it was Diego in front of him now. His eyes stayed locked on Five’s for a few seconds, steady and clear as Five tried to calm the rest of the way down. Five blinked, he couldn’t see the boy Diego had been in this moment. This was all the man he had become, the man Five didn’t really know. Relief flooded him when Diego stepped away.

“Maybe we should take him back,” Klaus said, chewing on his lip. “He doesn’t look so good.” 

“ _He_ can hear you,” Five spat out. Klaus shrugged back, only partially paying attention to him, and looked to Diego to decide.

“We need the supplies he talked about,” Deigo reminded him before turning back to Five. “Five? You good?” 

“I’m fine,” Five said, though his hands still shook and the world around him looked fuzzy around the edges. 

“Klaus and I can come back later,” Diego offered. “But, we could really use your help and the sooner we get those medical supplies the better.” Five could see that Diego understood that just because they made it past last night, didn’t mean they weren’t in danger.

“I could try to get it,” Klaus suggested brightly. “I can wiggle my way down there.” 

“No,” Five snapped. “My jump was off, nausea is an unfortunate side effect but it doesn’t render me useless.” Five swiped at his sweaty forehead and tried to straighten out his now unruly hair. 

“Your _jump_ was off?” Diego asked. Five shot Diego a look as he stood up and pulled on the sleeves of blazers.

“We need to get those medical supplies.” He said. “Do you want my help or would like this idiot to get himself killed in an unstable basement?” Klaus gasped dramatically, but Diego looked over at him knowingly.

“Alright,” he said with a nod. “Let’s go.” Diego turned back to the Academy and Five was about to follow him when he caught Klaus’s eye. Klaus was looking at him more seriously than Five felt comfortable with. Five knew this wasn’t about him calling Klaus an idiot, so he just glared back.

**************************

A few hours later, Five had cleaned out the lower basement levels of the Academy of all medical supplies that survived the destruction. They also managed to find more of Reginald’s journals and books he’d kept over the years. A quick glance through didn’t tell them much they already knew, just their fathers standard cold and impersonal takes on each of his children. Like that Five’s disappearance was no great loss. Klaus tried to turn the page before he could read it, but Five saw it. It didn’t surprise him.

While Five and Diego were searching for more practical items, Klaus was a few yards away looking for more personal ones. They guessed he was looking for things he could pawn off, but Five had caught him tucking a few frame pictures into the bag he’d found. Klaus was chatting away with the still invisible Ben and Five found himself suddenly glad that Ben had been there for Klaus this whole time. Their family didn’t have the best track record of that, but Ben had always been better than them in that regard.

Next to him, Five saw Diego looking Klaus’s way with a sad expression on his face. Like he too was trying to see something that was supposed to be there but not able to picture it. Diego noticed Five’s staring and quickly looked away and went back to pulling on a chunk of cement.

“You really didn’t believe him?” A hard look came over Diego’s face. Full of things that spelled out the years that Five had missed and therefore would never understand.

Vanya didn’t spend much of her book talking about after Ben died, but she included how at his funeral Klaus, high and in hysterics, told them that Ben was following him around. Vanya had been hurt, and the others angry. She wrote it off as some hallucination and his need for attention reaching its breaking point. Vanya never mentioned if Klaus tried to tell them again, but it was clear none of them had believed him over the years.

“You weren’t there,” Diego said, the calm and steady tone he had earlier was gone and replaced with something closed off and hurt. He didn’t say anything else and turned away from Five.

When they had been children, Five and Diego weren’t particularly close. Outside of training and missions, they really had nothing in common. They were competitive, but never took it farther than the training room. They could be friendly, but would never intentionally seek each other out. They could complain about their father to each other, but neither shared anything deeper than their surface anger. They may not have been close, but there was a level of respect between them. Five knew that out of all of his siblings, Diego would step up and protect the others if Five couldn’t.

“Listen Five,” Diego said after a few silent minutes. When Five looked over at him, he was surprised by the nervous expression on his face. “Mom is here, somewhere.” His arm swept over the city block full of ruin, his eyes drifting off. “When I find her, would you be able to fix her?” Five felt a soft swell of affection for his brother. 

Diego had been prone to letting his anger and bitterness overshadow the kind heart he had. It had seemed when he first came back that the anger had finally won and his brother had taken the wall he built around himself and turned it into a second skin. The more time Five spent with him though, he could see the softer side was still there. The side of Diego that would sew with Grace and Allison on Sunday afternoons. The side who was always nice to Ben and even had a soft spot for Klaus. The side that once sat at Five’s bedside for hours after a mission had gone wrong. 

“I don’t know much about robotics.” Five said, for once trying to make his voice as kind as he could. “We should just see what we find and take it from there.” 

Grace’s face flashed across his mind and Five pushed it away. He had never seen her as _mom_ in the way Diego did. He never felt the need, but it didn’t mean Five hadn’t cared for her in his own way. A few times when he had been hurt or completely drained from using his power too much, he would call her mom out of some childish impulse. Grace would only smile, brush his hair back and would keep the moment just between them. Five respected that about her and if he could fix her, whether it be for her medical capabilities or out his genuine care for her, he would. But Five knew that when they found her, he wouldn’t be able to fix her.

“Yeah, sure don’t even-”

“Diego!” The two of them tensed immediately, Diego’s hand even went for one of his knives. When they turned, a bald man wearing glasses stood in front of them.

“Beeman?” Diego relaxed, he seemed to know the man so Five unclenched his fists and glanced over to where Klaus was still digging through a pile. “This really isn’t a good time.”

“I can see that,” Five caught sight of the police badge on his hip. “Gas leak?” He didn’t sound convinced but Diego just waved his hand.

“Are you here for a reason?” Beeman let out a sigh and held up the folder. 

“We were sent a gun anonymously and it turned out to be the gun that killed Detective Patch.” By the devastated look on his face at the mention of that name, Five guessed Detective Patch was the woman Diego had mentioned the other day. Five had been the one to drop off the gun and he was glad it had gotten into the right hands. “You’ve been officially cleared as a suspect.”

“What about the bitch who really killed her?” Diego, the anger taking front stage again.

“We picked up someone last night,” Beeman said, carefully moving around some of the rubble. “African American woman, late 40’s, armed and injured.” Diego looked over at Five. _Cha_ _Cha._

“She’s being treated at County Medical, but we think she’s the one.” Diego’s shoulders slumped in relief and gave a look to Five that was almost thankful. Five himself felt himself relax a little. At least he could cross Cha Cha off his list of agents that could come after them.

“Good,” he said. “Let’s hope that bitch gets what she deserves.”

“That’s not the only reason I’m here,” Beeman said, taking another step forward. “I’m looking for your sister Vanya.” Diego and Five tensed right back at that and Diego took a step toward the other man, a hard look on his face.

“What do you want with my sister?” 

“Come on Diego,” Beeman said with a sigh. “You have to know about last night.”

“Yeah,” Diego threw out his arms at the mess they stood in. “Things were a kind of crazy yesterday, we were all a little busy, including Vanya, so I don’t know what you're getting at but-“

“There are hundreds of witnesses who saw her attack the entire Icuars theater last night,” Beeman interrupted him. “And she might have led a group of masked gunmen in there as well.” Five swallowed hard, there might be some things that weren’t going to be easily explained.

“You think Vanya did that?” Diego asked with a laugh. “ _Vanya_?”

“We also found the bodies of Helen Cho and Harold Jenkins this morning,” Five tensed at the name Harold Jenkins, and he saw Diego’s defenses go up as well. “Helen Cho goes missing and Vanya becomes first chair and according to Mr. Jenkins neighbors, she’s been in and out of his house recently.”

“You mean the same Harold Jenkins who murdered his own father?” Diego asked, his voice rising. 

“We don't know what happened okay,” Beeman said holding up a hand to defuse Diego’s anger. “Which is why we need to talk to your sister.”

“Well you can’t,” Diego said. “She got hurt in all of this mess yesterday.” Beeman looked around at all the destruction and Five could see a hint of sympathy on his face. Five looked at Diego to try to confirm if this guy could be trusted, but Diego wasn’t paying him much attention.

“Where is she being treated?”

“Privately,” Beeman nodded and sighed again as he fiddled with the zipper on his coat.

“Look, Diego, people are talking.” The professional tone dropped from his voice and his shoulders slumped slightly. “People know her, they know what the name Hargreeves means. She wrote a book about it.”

“Yeah, about how she didn’t have powers.” Diego reminded him. “A whole book about how _ordinary_ she was. So how could she possibly do what you’re accusing her of?” Beeman looked defeated and for a moment, so did Diego.

“We just need to talk to her,” Beeman finally said. “I’m doing the best I can, you know that.” Diego was still for a moment, staring at this man's face before he nodded. 

“I’ll be in touch,” As he turned to walk away, Beeman caught sight of Five and confusion clouded his features. Probably wondering why Diego of all people was hanging out with a kid. He didn’t say anything more though and soon he was gone.

“Fuck,” Diego muttered.

“Yeah,” Five agreed. Diego ran a hand through his hair and looked around.

“I’ll grab Klaus,” he said. “We need to get back to the others.” Diego walked away, not waiting for a response and called out to Klaus. As Five watched him, his hand went into his pocket. Nestled in there was a bottle of pills that Five hadn’t told them he found. Pulling it out, Five ran his thumb across the faded name printed across it. _Vanya Hargreeves._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have no clue if anyone would be able to dig through the rubble of a probably dangerous construction zone but this is also the same world where a 13-year-old kid can appear in the backseat of a cab and the driver reacts like a squirrel jumped out in front of him. I’m just going with it!
> 
> I hope everyone enjoying this! I've started work on the sequel and I am really excited to share. Also, feel free to check out my Tumblr @undertheshadytree it's just a bunch of randomness. Please let me know what you think!! Wash your hands, stay safe and be kind!!


	5. We're like elevators, filled up with strangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This is out much later than I had hoped and for that I am sorry. Life, like I'm sure it is for everyone, is really strange and difficult right now. Writing this though has honestly given me such a wonderful distraction and something to focus on. And every comment and kudo makes me so happy and I hope when you read this you can be distracted from all the bullshit going on. 
> 
> I'm still sticking to my update schedule of everyone 1-2 weeks, but I'm going to extend that to possible 3 weeks as well. I hope everyone will stick with me!! Enjoy the chapter! 
> 
> Chapter title from the song On the Train Ride Home by The Paper Kites

Vanya still hadn’t woken up by the time they made it back to Allison’s and gathered everyone in her room. If it wasn’t for the steady rise and fall of her chest, Five would have assumed she was dead. He was only half-listening to Diego from where he stood against the door. He watched for the tiniest movements in Vanya’s face, something to signal that she was still there and could wake up at any second. Five’s jaw clenched and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to ignore the feeling of dread that filled him when he thought of Vanya waking up.

“Well, this isn’t good,” Luther said once Diego had explained what had happened back in the city. “What should we do?” His eyes darted around to the others before he sat down in the large armchair in the corner. They were all scattered around the sparse bedroom. Allison sat next to the bed, leaned in as close to Vanya as it seemed possible. Klaus sat across from Allison, cross-legged on the bed. He held one of Vanya’s hands with both of his.

“We don’t let them near Vanya,” Diego said, pushing himself off the dresser he’d been leaning on. “They’re going to try to pin this bullshit on her.” 

“But maybe if we explain?” Klaus said. “I mean, Vanya didn’t mean it and the gunmen were more Five’s fault than hers,” He glanced at Five with an apologetic look and pulled Vanya’s hand into his lap. 

“They’re not going to listen to us,” Diego insisted. Five was pretty sure they'd had this conversation before and like most Hargreeves discussions, it was going nowhere. “She’s an easy target because of us and-”

“What if Vanya _did_ mean it?” All eyes turned to Luther who was hunched forward, hand over his mouth as he watched Vanya sleep. A chill filled the room and Five felt his heart rate pick up.

“Luther, I _swear_ to god-” Diego growled. “If you even think about turning her in-” He made a move like he was going to lunge over to him, but Luther quickly held up his hands in defense.

“No, no!” Luther said, standing up. “I mean, what if Vanya really meant to hurt us? What if her life was so awful, that _we_ were so awful to her, that she cracked and she wanted to end the world?” Luther had tears in his eyes and no one spoke for a minute. Diego stared down at his feet while Allison reached her hand out and squeezed Luther’s arm. Klaus sighed and tucked Vanya’s hand under his chin for a moment. The same thought had been going through Five’s head since Vanya had attacked them. _This was all their fault._

"Well, we need to tell Vanya we’re sorry,” Klaus spoke up, looking down at Vanya’s face sadly. “We have to let her know that we’re here for her.” Five wanted to laugh. Klaus looked over his shoulder at the empty corner behind him and nodded. Five squinted into the spot, hoping to see what Klaus could see. Five wasn’t the only one who seemed to be reminded of their missing brother.

“Klaus,” Luther said, moving a step towards the bed. “Ben’s here right? He should be here for this.” Klaus flinched nervously and Vanya’s hand slipped out of his as he scratched his arm.

“Yeah,” Klaus gestured behind him with his head. “He agrees we should keep Vanya away from the cops.”

“Can you make him visible?” Luther asked. Everyone looked at Klaus now, eyes wide and hopeful. Five watched him almost shrink under their sudden gaze and the smile that spread across his face was anything but convincing.

“Well, you know.” he started, one hand going to his hair while the other twisted around in front of him. “I’m working really hard on that and I really think I’m close- you, know what it's like. I mean, he is here!” His arms flailed back to where Ben was and looked at all of them expectantly. Allison looked away first, her face hidden by her curls, but she reached over and squeezed Klaus’s knee. Diego ducked his head away but Five saw the disappointment there, and by the way, his face fell, Klaus saw it too.

“It’s okay,” Luther said then turned his gaze to where Ben was and smiled. “Hey, Ben.” Klaus pulled his knees up to his chest, his fingers tapping along his arm and he nodded over at Luther.

“He says, hi,” Luther’s smile widened a little. Everyone was quiet again and Five could see even more guilt on Luther, Diego and Allison’s faces. All those years they didn’t believe him. Looking back at Klaus, his face turned away, Five wondered if he would have believed him. _Probably not._ Five shook his head and looked back where Ben was _. No._ He would have. 

“Okay,” Five finally said, breaking the silence. “I think we can all agree that we’re not turning her in, right?” There was a series of nods and grunts as everyone agreed while avoiding eye contact. “They’ve got Cha Cha in custody, I know ways to make them think it’s her.“

“But people saw Vanya at the concert.” Diego reminded him. 

“We’ll figure that out later,” Five said. “They couldn’t even question her right now. So until she wakes up the plan is, keeps any cops from sniffing around here. Besides, we have a bigger problem to worry about.” Luther looked over to him seriously.

“What is it?”

“The commission.” Five pushed himself off the door and stepped up to the end of the bed. “There is no way we stop the apocalypse and they just let us go.” 

“I thought you killed the person in charge?” Diego said.

“You mean the one who sent those guys with the guns to kill us?” Five shrugged.“Turns out she’s a little harder to kill than I thought,” Klaus snorted, pulling Vanya’s hand back into his lap, he looked more relaxed than when they had been talking about Ben.

“So you really think they could attack again?” Luther asked standing up. The fear that had clouded his face just a moment ago was gone and Five could practically feel the relief fall off him to have a mission to think about.

“Probably,” Diego laughed beside him.

“Probably?” he scoffed, his hands already going to a knife. “What the fuck?"

“Yes, _probably._ ” Five sighed. “You all really thought it was that easy?” Everyone was quiet for a moment, all staring at Five with a kind of angry perplexed look on their faces before everyone started talking at once. Five looked at the empty corner where Ben was and as the voices of their siblings rose, Five shook his head. Then, just barely for a moment, Five could see him smile back.

*****************************************

It took a while, but soon they had all come to an agreement. A fairly simple one that the amount of yelling and complaining did not warrant, but they all conceded that until Five was certain this timeline was secure, they would remain at Allison’s house to cause no further distributions. Also, until Five had more solid knowledge about what was happening with the commission, no one was to go anywhere alone. The second the phrase _buddy system_ was uttered, Five teleported himself to the upstairs office.

Two hours later and Five scrubbed his hands over his eyes and pushed his notebook away. For the moment, they seemed to be safe. Allison’s house was secluded enough that no one could easily stumble upon them and the police looking for Vanya didn’t even know she was here. As for the commission finding them here, Five was unsure. Outside the window, the sun was starting to set. It had been almost 24 hours since the almost apocalypse and so far they had been left alone. 

Five made a list of all the agents that he could remember. Hazel and Cha Cha were some of the best, but they weren’t the only ones. At any given time there would be at least 20 agents scattered throughout time, all with briefcases. Any one of them could arrive at any moment. Five was tempted to find Hazel. He’d seemed genuine in his resolve to help stop the apocalypse, but he wasn’t sure if his siblings would be willing to work with him. 

Utimentally, Five’s main goal was to get to the Commission headquarters and get proof that they were safe from the apocalypse but getting there without a briefcase was almost impossible. 

Five tried to scrub the frustration out of his eyes as he leaned back in the chair. Delores would tell him to take a break. He closed his eyes and tried to hold onto the memory of her face, everything felt better when she had been by his side. Five wondered how she was doing if being with her friends was really what was best. What harm could it have really been for them to still be together? Heaving himself out of his chair and shaking away thoughts of Delores, Five decided he would at least get a cup of coffee.

The house was quiet. Klaus and Diego left a while ago to shop for clothes. Five declined to join them but did make Diego promise not to let Klaus pick out anything for him. Five could hear a shower running as he passed the master bedroom, with only two options of who it was, Five betted it was Allison. Coming down the stairs he was proved right when he passed Vany’s room and Luther was sitting at her bedside. 

Vanya was still not awake and Five was trying not to worry. Better than anyone, Five understood the way your powers could drain your body and shut it down. It had to be what was happening. Her vitals continued to be good so she medically didn’t seem to be in danger, but who knew what was going on with her brain. _This is to be expected._ It’s what he kept telling himself at least.

With a full cup of coffee in his hand, Five found himself lingering in the doorway to Vanya’s room. Out of all of his siblings, Five had missed Vanya the most. She had been his best friend, the person who understood him more than anyone else. He spent years feeling completely lost without her, clinging to her book as if she was living within the pages. He should have told her she was right, that he was stupid for running away. Instead, he got mad at her for not believing him and left without giving her a second chance.

Five adapted quickly to the changes in his other siblings, but not with Vanya. He went to her first and expected her to drop everything to help him, just like when they were children. They weren’t children anymore though, and Vanya had grown up without him. He studied her face as she carefully cleaned his wound and he could barely see her clearly. It was like she had retreated so far into herself that all that was left was a shell of a person he didn’t know. Without him there for her, and especially after losing Ben, Vanya had no one left. Just like him, she’d been all alone.

“Five?” Luther had spotted him and was looking at him curiously. “Any luck?” Five hesitated for a moment, his eyes locked on Vanya’s sleeping face, before walking fully into the room.

“Nothing concrete,” he admitted. “How is she?” Five took a drink of his coffee as he sat down in the empty second chair by the bed.

“About an hour ago she moved around a little, but nothing since then.” Luther was holding Vayna’s hand, it was so small in Luther’s large hand that Five felt a lump form in his throat.

“You got Allison to leave this room,” Five said, clearing his throat roughly. “That’s impressive.” After Allison had shown him around the house, Five was pretty sure she only left to use the bathroom. She kept herself glued to Vanya’s side, her eyes rarely even leaving her face, waiting for her to wake up. Five was almost relieved that she was being so attentive. It gave him an excuse to stay away.

“I don’t think she’s ever going to forgive herself,” Luther said quietly.

“Are any of us?” Silence followed his question and Five lost interest in his coffee. Luther squeezed Vanya’s hand before he let it go and then sat back in his chair. Five watched him for a moment; watched the way the features of his face pinched with worry. It was the same look Five remembered him having after a mission had gone wrong and Klaus had been hurt.

All of them were piled in the backseat of the car with Klaus spread across them. Five held pressure on the wound and was trying not to think how this was _Klaus’s blood_ seeping through his fingers. Diego was in hysterics as he held Klaus down while Allison and Ben did their best to soothe him. Luther sat still as a statue the whole ride. Staring at Klaus with this look Five had never seen. The only word Five could put to that expression was _responsible_.

Five saw that look again in an almost identical situation with Allison. Five also saw it whenever anyone brought up Ben.

“You know, back at the theatre, when Vanya had us in the air?” Luther asked. “I was staring down at her and it was like I could feel all the pain she’s ever felt. All of her loneliness and rejection.” Five watched Vanya’s calm, sleeping face and tried to block the memory that Luther felt the need to bring up now.

“Our whole lives I believed in Dad and what he put us through.” Luther was looking at Five now, his face begging to be understood. “I thought I was better than everyone, that I wasn’t like them-fucked up and damaged.” Luther twitched nervously before muttering. “Even Allison.” Five quirked up an eyebrow at that, Klaus and Diego probably wouldn’t believe that Luther spoke about their sister like that.

“How could I have been so blind?” Luther asked, running his hand over the top of his head. “Dad was a monster and I loved him and _defended_ him. All the while, I was being abused and I didn’t even _know_ it,” his voice broke at the end and Five felt his chest tighten at seeing Luther so broken.

Sometimes Five almost forgot, under all the mess that Reginald had done to him, Luther wasn’t a monster. He had been a sweet and naive child who Reginald took advantage of. He filled him with all that _Number One_ and _Leader_ talk that went straight to Luther’s head. It happened so fast and swift that it was hard to believe it had ever been different.

“Dad _was_ a monster,” Five said, agreeing quite a bit with the general consensus on the man. “He was also good at what he did and you believed just what he wanted you too.” Luther looked back at Vanya and a tear slipped down his face. “And even though it’s painful, you know the truth now. So just do fucking better.” Luther turned to him.

“Just like that?”

“Yes,” Five frowned, what was hard to understand about that? “Just like that.” Luther shook his head with a sigh.

“I don’t think I can trust myself,” he admitted. “I can’t lead this family if I can’t trust myself.” He looked away from Five and back at Vanya. His eyes stayed on her for just a moment, before he turned away from her in shame as well.

“Luther,” Five waited until Luther finally looked back at him. “This family doesn’t need a leader. It just needs all of us, together. So if you can’t trust yourself then trust us instead.” Luther looked surprised but a smile crept on his face. 

“And if it makes you feel any better,” Five went on. “You were the first one to take the whole apocalypse seriously, so your instincts aren’t complete shit.” Luther sat up a little straighter at that and Five grinned mischievously. “Granted I did go to Klaus before you so-” he shrugged and Luther laughed lightly. Five smiled, surprised a little with himself and he reached again for his coffee. It had gone cold.

“I wish I could tell her that I’m sorry,” Luther said after a moment. He’d taken Vanya’s hand back in his own and it still looked too small.

“You will,” Five said, taking a sip of the cold coffee. “We all will.”

***********************

~~Cha Cha~~

Hazel

Tex

Barney & Newberry

Irish

Five tossed his pen onto the desk and just barely resisted crumpling up the paper in front of him. The past few hours Five had been trying to calculate the correct variables that could get him to the commission headquarters using just his powers and it was quickly proving to be even harder than getting out of the apocalypse. Scanning the names on his list of agents, Five still wasn’t confident about who exactly he could get a briefcase from. His eyes lingered over Hazel and Tex. Those were the only ones who he would even consider working with if he found them. Frowning, Five crossed Newberry off the list. If he ever came across that guy again, it would get very bloody and Five didn’t have time for petty revenge. He’d get him another time.

Five was about to get back to work when the door to the office swung open and Klaus came in and headed straight for the bed. His footsteps heavy, his hair damp on his forehead, he didn’t say anything as he crossed the room.

“What are you doing?” Five snapped, spinning his chair to the bed. 

“What does it look like?” Klaus asked as he fell onto the bed with a groan. “Sleeping.”

“Not in here!” Five exclaimed and pointed to the door. “Go sleep somewhere else!”

“All the other beds are taken,” he said. “Except for Claire’s, and that’s too weird to sleep in, so I’m sleeping here.”

“Go sleep with Luther,” Five suggested.

“He’ll crush me,” Klaus whined.

“Diego?”

“He’ll stab me,”

“And I won’t?” Klaus lifted his head off the pillow and his pale face was bathed in the light from the small lamp next to him. He looked tired and pissed off, which wasn’t an expression Five was used to seeing on his easy-going brother’s face.

Klaus had been unnaturally quiet since he and Diego got back. He hadn’t even wanted to show Five the clothes they bought him. Instead, without speaking to anyone, he went to the bathroom where he locked himself in there for the rest of the evening.

“Jesus Five,” Klaus muttered. “It’s not like you’re gonna sleep anyway, so just leave me alone.” Klaus didn’t give time for Five to respond. He turned over to face the wall and his back to Five.

Five wanted to protest, but it actually looked like Klaus was going to go to sleep. He sat back and watched Klau’s steady breathing. For a moment, all the danger that they could be in melted away and Five took comfort in simply watching his brother breathe.

He waited another minute to make sure Klaus wasn’t going to pop back up and insist on painting each other's nails or something equally as annoying. When he didn’t, Five turned back to his work. 

Since he crossed Newberry off his list, he went ahead and crossed off his partner as well. Barney was never too far from him and would want him dead just as much. Five was left with just three options and that wasn’t good enough for him.

“Five?” Five shut his eyes. Klaus _wasn’t_ going to sleep after all. 

“What?”

“Goodnight,” Five blinked and looked over at the bed. Klaus still had his back to him and he was pulling the blankets tighter around himself. “You too Ben.” he barely whispered it, but Five heard him. He looked around the room, wondering where exactly Ben was before his gaze settled back on Klaus. A few minutes later, Klaus’s breaths evened out, Five smiled and went back to work.

At some point in the night, Five finally fell asleep. He woke to the sun hitting his face, pain in his neck, and a blanket laid across his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!!! Stay safe, stay home, stay patient! We'll all be together again soon. Feel free to follow me on Tumblr @undertheshadytree say hi or enjoy my randomness.


	6. Covered in scars I did nothing to earn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an interesting chapter to write. Before I started officially writing this, I had the entire thing planned out for at least two months. I have an outline with notes that is a 35-page Google doc and what seemed like a pretty straight forward chapter turned out a lot different than I thought it was going to be. These little broken messes have a mind of their own and they sure let me know that while writing this particular chapter! I hope you like it and I so appreciate all the comments and kudos. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this, I'm new to the fandom and am just kind of flailing my way along so any amount of feedback is so helpful. So thank you, thank you, and thank you again!
> 
> Chapter title from the song "I'm Still Hurting" from The Last Five Years

Five never cared for fashion. Not before the apocalypse or after. Before, fashion didn’t matter because Reginald would only allow them their umbrella academy approved attire anyway. The uniforms were scratchy and not the most practical once they started going out on missions. Allison and Klaus were always trying to push the boundaries on the dress code and were punished for it every single time. Five never understood their temptation. The academy clothes were efficient enough. Maybe if Five had to wear the jumpsuit they switched too in their later teen years he would have complained more. 

Though, when he came back and realized the only thing he could wear was his old uniform, Five understood a little bit more.

In the apocalypse, fashion was only a thing Delores had cared about. For Five, the only thing he looked for in clothes was if they fit, protected him from the elements, and were easy to move around in. He never picked out something to wear because he liked it or wanted it. Delores would suggest things, he knew a certain Cardington sweater he found made her smile, but other than to impress her, fashion had no purpose in his mind. 

As Five ran his fingers along the black hooded sweatshirt Diego had gotten him, he realized he’d never worn something this soft since he was a child. Clothes he found in the apocalypse were always rough from the ash. When he joined the commission, they provided him with suits and various other outfits. Nothing expensive, they had a budget to keep too, and the material of those suits was anything but comfortable. Five forgot that clothes could be new and feel this way against his skin.

The jeans, on the other hand, were stiff and uncomfortable but Klaus assured him that as he wore them that would change. So Five waited to pass judgment on them. 

Coming down the stairs, Five found Vanya’s condition still hadn’t changed and for the first time he wasn’t surprised. Allison and Diego sat at her bedside, both silent as they passed Allison’s notebook between them. Luther was in the kitchen when Five came downstairs and he was making breakfast. It was a surprising position to find him in, but he seemed more relaxed than he had in days so Five kept his doubts about Luther’s cooking abilities to himself and sat down at the table. Out the window, Five spotted Klaus sitting on the wrap-around porch babbling away to an invisible Ben.

“Just in time,” Luther said holding up the skillet in his hand. He scooped some eggs out and onto a plate for Five. “Breakfast!” Five stared at the plate in front of him. Two eggs and a piece of bacon arranged like a smiley face, just like Grace used to do. Five wondered if Luther was doing it for the nostalgia of it or he felt this was the way breakfast was arranged.

“Looks...great,” Five poked at the eggs and tried to hide his grimace. The eggs were runny, probably undercooked and there was a strong possibility that the bacon was still breathing. Luther’s face though, he looked so damn _proud,_ so Five shoved some of the food in his mouth and smiled. Luther grinned back and turned away to get the two plates on the counter ready and Five quickly spat the food back out.

“Diego and Klaus are going back to the Academy soon,” Luther said over his shoulder. “Are you going with them?”

“No,” Five said, pushing his food around. “I have other things I need to work on.” Five eyed the full pot of coffee Luther had also made and after a moment's hesitation, he poured himself a cup.

“Is there anything left to find?” Luther asked, his back still facing Five.

“Could be,” Five shrugged. “We found a few of dad’s journals yesterday, it couldn’t hurt to look for more.” The coffee was actually good, Five was relieved. It seemed one of his siblings actually knew how to make a decent cup of coffee.

“Diego is so insistent,” Luther shook his head as he turned around, holding two identical plates of food in his hands. “He’s wanted nothing to do with that place for thirteen years and now he’s obsessed.” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Five asked, leaning back in his chair a bit.

“What? He wants more proof of Dad’s lies?” Luther’s tone had a bitter edge to it, but Five couldn't tell who it was directed at; Diego or their father.

“He’s looking for Grace,” Luther’s face dropped, and he didn’t have to say it, he’d forgotten about Grace. Luther, like Five, had never been very close to Grace. He had Reginald, so he didn’t need the comfort of a mother. Though, Luther spent the longest at the Academy, with Grace, so Five wondered if his feelings towards her ever changed,

“Oh,” Luther breathed and turned his gaze awkwardly to the plate uneditable food. “Shit,” Luther looked momentarily conflicted. He’d been much more comfortable with being angry at Diego than with the sympathy that Five saw spreading across his face now.

“Maybe you could try not starting a fight with him before he goes,” Five suggested, taking another sip of his coffee. Luther frowned at him, looking almost offended and gestured to the plates in his hand.

“I made him _breakfast_ ,” Five snorted, but his response was swallowed up by a shout from outside.

“Just leave me the _fuck_ alone!” Terror ripped through him hearing Klaus’s shout, but it quickly became apparent that it was Ben, not an attacker, who Klaus was yelling at. That only led to Five and Luther looking at each other curiously. 

“I am sick and tired of your whining!” Klaus groaned from outside. “Yes, _whining_. I said it!” 

“Is that something we should..?” Luther looked from the plates in his hands and to where Klaus was sitting outside and then back at Five. 

“I’ll handle it,” Five set down his coffee with a sigh. 

“Great,” Luther smiled one last time before heading down the hall to Vanya’s room. Five got up from the table, choosing to walk outside, and ready to murder Klaus for interrupting his first cup of coffee. He headed out the sliding glass door that was off the kitchen and rounded the corner of the porch.

“You know, I always thought that one of the benefits of getting sober would be you finally shutting the hell up,” Klaus was standing with his back to Five as he approached and his hands were balled into fists at his side. “But golly, to my surprise you have even more things to _bitch_ at me about.” Klaus was angry, which wasn’t something Five had seen much of. 

Five could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Klaus angry, _actually_ angry. As little kids, Klaus could scream his head off with the best of them, but as they grew Klaus was always the one to try to defuse the anger between their siblings. Though, Vanya detailed a lot of things about Klaus’s personality after his addictions fully took over that Five didn’t recognize. 

“If I can’t figure out my powers you’re going to be begging me to start taking drugs again, because what would be the point of your ghostly little life without mother henning me to death?” Klaus shouted, he still hadn’t noticed Five had joined him and his fists had loosened to reveal shaking hands.

“No! Fuck you, Ben,” Klaus’s voice cracked and Five blinked at the change of tone. Klaus wasn’t so much angry as he was _desperate._ “Don’t bring him up, you don’t fucking know anything!” 

“Klaus?”

“You know what’s sad?” Klaus asked stepping forward, his shoulders hunched. He was either ignoring him or hadn’t heard Five. “How fucking pathetic your existence has become that following me around to watch me fail is your only joy now, real fucking nice of you Benny,” Five frowned, it was obvious that Klaus was upset, but that was going a little too far. He gritted his teeth and jumped over to the chair Klaus was sinking into.

“Klaus!” Five snapped Klaus jumped, his arms flailing up and almost hitting Five in the face in the process. When he finally saw Five standing there his face crumpled with exasperation.

“Oh come _ooon_ ,” he groaned and dropped his head back dramatically. “Not you too.” His arm draped across his eyes and with a growl, Five shoved it away; forcing Klaus to look at him.

“What the hell is going on?” he demanded. Klaus lifted his head and shot a glare Five’s way.

 _“Jesus,”_ he sneered, narrowing his eyes at Five. “Be a tad bit more gentle there, you little gremlin.” 

“Well, don’t talk to Ben that way.”

“Oh sure, take his side,” Klaus scoffed. “Everyone feels so bad for Ben, just because he’s dead.” In another burst of anger, Five hit Klaus across the back of the head as he scanned the porch to try to guess where Ben was standing. 

“Stop hitting me!” Klaus yelped, spinning around in his chair to fully face him. He peered at Five for a moment, watching him look around. “Ben’s not here.” 

“Where’d he go?”

“Don’t know and don’t give a fuck.”

“Is he coming back?” Five hoped Klaus didn’t hear the slight tremor to his voice. The feelings of panic rippled through him as he thought of Ben being gone for good before Five could figure out how to make things right. If he did, Klaus didn’t say anything, he gave him a strange look before he rolled his eyes and flopped back against his chair.

“Of course he’ll be back, he’s not around me every second of the day you know.” Five didn’t know but filed a hundred questions that one fact sprung to mind away for a different time. 

“You want to tell me what that was all about?” Five asked walking around the chair to stand in front of Klaus. 

“It was nothing,” Klaus crossed his arms. “Ben’s just being an asshole.”

“How so?” Klaus blinked, looking almost confused by Five’s question. Five wondered if Klaus expected him to not take him seriously and just tell him off. Instead, Five sat down on the coffee table and waited for his answer.

“He won’t leave me alone!” Klaus sighed leaning forward. “He keeps asking me to make him visible and I’m trying, but it’s not going fast enough and he’s getting really impatient. He can’t wait until he has _other_ people to talk too.” He leaned back again in the chair and Five eyed his knee as it started to bounce

“Well, can you blame him?” Klaus chewed thoughtfully on his lip and frowned at Five. 

“No, I guess not,” Klaus said before he let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not just Ben though.” 

“What else is it?” 

“It’s everyone!” Klaus said, throwing his arms out. “They all think that because I did it the other night I can just do it anytime now,” Along with his knee bouncing a million miles a minute, Klaus started scratching, almost clawing at his arm. Five watched carefully, looking for signs that he was scratching too hard and ready to hit him again if Five saw blood.

“Have they said that?” Five asked. He knew the others had asked Klaus a few times, but they were just excited at the idea of seeing Ben again. 

“Luther and Diego keep badgering me and Allison,” Klaus ran his hands down his face. “She keeps writing in her little note pad with sad eyes not being able to talk-how am I supposed to say no to that?” Klaus pulled his knees up with a sigh he raked his fingers down his leg.

“And Vanya,” Klaus’s eyes widened a little more and his chin quivered slightly. “She’s gonna wake up and find out she missed her one chance at seeing Ben again, and they were so close, especially after you left. She’s gonna be so hurt, think we did it on purpose, and then maybe the apocalypse is back and I just-” Klaus trailed off, his eyes wandering to things only he could see and all at once Five felt so _useless._ This was the side of his brother that made Five want to run. This was the side he didn’t recognize, the side that was broken in the years that Five had missed.

“I’m gonna let her down and Ben, and D-” Klaus cut his quiet words short before Five could really comprehend what he was saying. Klaus shut his eyes tightly and clutched the dog tags in his hand. Five still didn’t know where they came from, though he suspected, he was too scared to learn if it was true. “Fuck I just need to get high.” Five expected anger to be what would bubble up inside of him in hearing that, but instead, it was fear. It must have shown on his face because for a second, Klaus looked almost ashamed.

“Klaus,” His voice lost a little of its confidence, and for a moment Five felt as young as he looked. “It’s only been a few days, you just need-”

“I’ve _tried_ , really fucking tried Five,” Klaus interrupted him with a shout. “I can’t do anything. Maybe the other night was a fluke or a one and done type thing. I don’t know, but it really fucking sucks, and I might as well be high because if I can’t do anything about this,” He gestured frantically around him, probably pointing out all of the ghosts that were by his side. 

“What the hell is being sober good for?” There was an all too familiar look of pleading in his eyes, so much that Five had to fight the urge to blink his way out of these feelings that welled up inside of him faced with his brother’s eyes.

_“I’ve seen that look, in the eyes of someone who doesn’t know who they are without their high anymore.”_

Now the anger flared up inside of Five’s chest. _Goddamn._ Why did his family have to be like this? Why couldn’t they have just been a normal family and actually support each other? Why did Klaus have such little regard for his life? Why couldn’t Five push past his anger, his walls and trauma and just be here for his brother now?

“Your life,” Five said through gritted teeth, pushing through the pressure building in his chest. “I didn’t spend decades getting back here just for you to die of something as asinine as an overdose.” Klaus’s expression softened at that, the scowl on his face turning upwards into almost a smile.

“I wouldn’t worry Fivey,” he said in a breathy tone that made Five frown. “You’d be surprised how quickly I can bounce back.” He smiled, not a genuine one, and pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with shaking fingers.

“Who the fuck did I think I was?” he scoffed, his voice airy and he blew out a large puff of smoke as his gaze wandered off.

“Klaus,” Five thought about how he had somehow said the right thing to make Luther smile yesterday. When Diego asked him about Grace, he comforted him as best he could. And when Allison hugged him, he didn’t flinch away. He was working so hard on being better, knowing it was what they needed to do. But when Klaus looked at him, _Klaus_ , Five suddenly had no idea what to say. Klaus looked momentarily heartbroken like he had been counting on Five to say the magic words and make it better.

“Forget it,” he said with a soft smile. He took a long drag off his cigarette before he flicked it away. “I’ll be nicer to Ben,” Without another word he walked back towards the front of the house and passed Diego as he was coming out.

“Hey, Klaus,” Diego said, trying to get his attention. “Let’s go,”

“Give me a minute,” Klaus snapped, not even bothering to look at him. Diego frowned and went over to Five. 

“What’s up with him?” Five watched Klaus until he disappeared back into the house and glared at Diego. There was a roaring inside his head and Klaus’s eyes were still locked in his brain, tortured by the way everyone only expected the worst from him. He thought about how Ben was roaming around sad as a ghost, desperate for contact with the siblings that refused to believe he was there. He thought about Vanya lying inside so damaged by the ways she’d been treated her entire life that she almost caused the end of the world. Staring at Diego now, and completely ignoring his own advice to Luther, the anger that had been building up in his chest spilled over.

“You are all so fucking useless,” Five spat and Diego blinked, clearly surprised.

“Excuse me?”

“You know, I actually used to comfort myself with the knowledge that I found all of you together.” Five said, his voice dripping with venom as he walked closer to Diego. “It looked like you all fought and died together. I felt better knowing that after I left you guys stuck together. Maybe you even finally cut loose from Dad because you weren’t wearing our stupid uniforms anymore.” 

“Says the guy who was wearing it yesterday,” Diego snorted. Five glared harder at him, but didn’t stray from his train of thought.

“Then I read Vanya’s book.” The mixture of confusion and concern slipped off Diego’s face and his expression hardened, almost defensive at the mere mention of the book.

“What the hell happened to all of you?” Five asked. “I know when we were kids we could be assholes to each other, but I always thought we had each other’s back when it counted.” Five felt breathless in his anger and grief started bubbling up. Diego was the one who was supposed to understand this. Just like Vanya was supposed to have been the one to listen and Klaus was supposed to be okay.

“Oh yeah,” Diego said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. “We were just a ball of love and emotional stability weren’t we?” He rolled his eyes and turned away from Five, ready to leave this conversation but Five blinked over so he was again standing in front of him.

“I would have thought that at least _you_ Diego, would have been there.” Five shook his head and Diego’s eyes seemed to get darker. “Instead you’re all just emotional stunted children who couldn’t see past their own egos long enough to not see how fucked you all were.” Diego was staring down at him like he was ready to punch him and for a passing moment, Five wanted him too. “This whole apocalypse is on all you, not just dad, you all have fucked up so much and it almost cost the fucking world.” The silence stretched between them as they stared each other down. When they were kids, he and Diego could do this all day. Both equal amounts of stubbornness to not back down and let the other win.

“You know what Five?” Diego finally said stepping right up to Five and looking down at him. “I’m only going to say this one more time to you so you better be listening. _You weren’t there._ ” Five’s whole body tensed and he straightened his back in an attempt to stand a little taller.

“I am aware of that,” he said through clenched teeth. “I tried getting back but-”

“Yeah, I get it,” Diego cut him off. “You tried to get back but you were stuck. I’ve heard the whole story and it’s very sad and whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that you left in the first place. You left _us,_ Five.” Five clenched his jaw and struggled to keep his face set in anger. He hadn’t _left_ , he thought he was going to come right back. 

“And all that time travel must have messed with your memory, old man,” Diego snorted and pointed a finger to his head. “Because when we were _kids,_ you were an arrogant little pissant who didn’t give a shit about anything but _your_ powers. A little brat who couldn’t handle hearing _no_ from dad so you ran off and proved his goddamn point.” Diego was shouting now and Five wondered if Diego was angrier about Five’s screwed up time travel proving Reginald right than he was about Five running away.

“And since you’ve been back you’ve been even worse.” Diego went on. “You pushed us away, kept your little secrets and then blamed us for every mistake that was made.”

“None of you could understand-” Five tried to cut in.

“You didn’t even give us a chance!” Diego shouted. “And if you want to talk about fault, how about you breaking your contract and leading the murder twins to our house where they took and tortured our _brother?_ ” Five shrank back at that and his heart started to pound wildly in his chest. Diego couldn’t think he meant for that to happen? Hazel and Cha Cha were the _reason_ he pushed them away in the first place. How could he not understand that?

“It wasn’t that simple,” Diego shook his head, dismissing Five completely.

“You have no right saying anything about what I should have done,” His anger was slipping and Five saw the hurt and sadness he wasn’t used to seeing in his angry brothers eyes. “When Vanya moved out, I went with her to check out her apartment. I made sure her landlord wasn’t fucking her over and that her place was safe. When Allison got married, I was the only one who was there. Luther was too busy sulking, who the fuck even knows where Klaus was at the time and Vanya wouldn’t return any calls. And when Klaus overdosed for the first time-” Diego trailed off and Five’s stomach clenched. Diego’s eyes seemed far away for a moment, probably lost in that memory and Five was screaming inside. He silently begged Diego not to tell him any details about that. 

“But-” Diego covered his eyes with his hand for a second, brushing away the hint of his emotions. “Allison moved to Hollywood and never looked back. Vanya wrote that fucking book and Klaus,” Diego laughed, a breathy and strained kind of laugh and ran his hand through his short hair. “Klaus just never _fucking_ learned.” Diego looked away from him, but for a moment their eyes met and Five could see something almost recognizable in there. He saw his brother, scared and just barely holding on and pushing that all aside to prove he was stronger than the weight he put on himself.

“You weren’t here Five,” Deigo said softly. “You may think you knew the monster Reginald was, but you missed the peak of what fucked up things he could do.” Diego had the same look on his face the others often did. The look that Five knew meant one thing, _Ben._

Neither spoke now and Five struggled to remember just why he had decided to blame Diego for all this. Diego was right. The only one to blame was himself.

“You ready?” Neither of them heard Klaus approach, his voice broke the silence and Diego shook his head at Five one more time before turning away.

“Yeah, let's get out of here,” he said, and without another word, left the porch to walk to his car. Klaus hung back for a moment, watching Five with an expression Five didn’t recognize. Then, his mouth turned up just slightly and he offered Five a hint of a smile before he left as well. 

Five watched them until the car disappeared from sight and swallowed down the feeling of nausea that threatened to take him over.

“You don’t have to say it,” he muttered quietly to himself, already knowing what Delores would have said to him right now. “I’m a fucking idiot,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame Diego for most of my struggles with this chapter. 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on tumble @under-the-shady-tree, come say hi, like I said I don't have anyone I can geek out about Umbrella Academy so I will say hi back!! Let me know what you think!!


	7. Don't blame yourself for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the comments and kudos!! It gives me so much motivation and I appreciate it! I am going to start only posting on Mondays going forward, every 2-3 weeks, with these last few remaining chapters so there is day you can look out for if you are following this. I hope that is helpful!
> 
> This chapter includes a small mention to a flashback I ended up cutting and making it a separate fic itself. I've made it so you don't have to read it, but if you want too you totally should. It's called The Sugar Rush, The Constant Hush, just a little look back at the teenage Hargreeve's lives and my, so far, only attempt at writing from Klaus's POV in the second chapter! 
> 
> This was another chapter that kind of surprised me so I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Chapter title from the song: The Black and White by The Band Camino

Every once in awhile in the apocalypse, Five would find a piece of Umbrella Academy memorabilia. A lunchbox, a torn t-shirt, half-burnt trading cards. Once he found a few figurines that were melted to almost unrecognition. One had an arm raised as if throwing a knife and the other a tentacle. Those were the only things alerting Five to who they were. Everything he found related to his family he kept and took it back to his shelter.

The rarest items he found were the comic books. Finding one still intact almost never happened, by the end of his time there he had four that still had all their pages. Another dozen were incomplete. Five wasn’t featured in the comics very long. They had only just started doing them when he time traveled. According to Vanya’s book, his absence was explained by Reginald that he was on his own mission and would return when he was complete. Five never found the issue that it was addressed and the ones he found after never mentioned him again.

In the comics, Klaus was always depicted with an ouija board that he used to communicate with ghosts on missions. The artist who drew the comic had suggested it as a way to visualize Klaus’s power. It also acted as an answer of sorts to the rest of them about how Klaus’s power actually worked. Though Five was beginning to realize, that was a wildly simplistic view on what his brother could do.

Five leaned back against the wall and let the foot that was resting on his knee fall to the ground. He was sitting on the bench across from Vanya’s room watching her and Allison both sleep. Vanya’s powers, from everything he had been able to understand, had been activated by her emotions after she had stopped taking her pills. The bottle of those pills felt heavy in his pocket and Five unconsciously brushed his fingers over them, the same way he used to do to the eye. From what the others had said, Vanya off her pills had begun to fight back and let them know how angry at them she was. Five wished he could have seen it.

There was a part of him, a very logical and unfeeling part, that understood where Reginald had come from giving Vanya those pills. Just the little he saw of her power was enough to scare him. Teaching her how to control it obviously would have been the better choice, but he could see the conclusion Reginald made even if he didn’t agree with it.

Like Vanya, Klaus had spent most of his life drugged as well. Five could remember Klaus sneaking drinks from the bar as young as eight. Reginald may not have been giving him pills like Vanya, but he made no attempts to stop what was happening right in front of all of them. Did Reginald feel like he needed to sedate Klaus in the same way he was Vanya? 

Five remembered that familiar blue light filling the theatre and the prickling in the back of his brain of long-forgotten memories being ignited. _This is not the time for fear Number Four._ Maybe fear had been Reginald’s plan for him all along. Locking Klaus in a mausoleum and constantly berating him for his childish fears did nothing to get the results he seemed to be after. His actions only lead to Klaus abusing more drugs and his powers being suppressed. Reginald was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew the definition of insanity, but he still never tried a different tactic to help Klaus deal with the powers he had. 

Looking behind him and up at the stairs, Five listened for movements from Luther. He had gone upstairs ten minutes ago not saying much about what he was going to do but Five could faintly hear the shower running. Allison stirred for a moment, her arm tightened around Vanya’s body and she settled back down. He glanced up and down the hall and then shook his head.

“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself. Giving one more glance to his sleeping sisters, Five closed his eyes. “Ben?” It was a long shot, Five knew, but Klaus did say that Ben wasn’t tied to him completely. He figured he could at least try to contact his brother, and if he was wrong then he was just talking to himself. That was nothing new.

“So, I don’t even know if you’re actually here,” he started. “But if you are, hi I guess.” In his mind he could see Ben’s face, the same as he always was to Five, thirteen and half-hidden by a book. “I bet there is a lot you would say to me if you could, probably not the nicest things but I think I deserve it so, talk as much shit about me as you want.” Five sighed. “I should have listened to you.”

_“What do you think?” Five fidgeted anxiously as Ben read over his notebook for the third time. There wasn’t much of a reaction on his brother’s face and Five was getting impatient._

_“It looks plausible,” Ben finally said, turning his head to look at Five. Finally, Five thought as a triumphant smile spread across his face._

_“I knew you’d understand,” Five breathed and sat down on his bed, relief flooding him so fast he was almost lightheaded. “Vanya is starting to drive me a little crazy worrying about this so maybe you could explain it to her-”_

_“I said it was plausible,” Ben repeated, leaning forward. “Not that I thought it was a good idea.” Five felt his stomach sink and for a moment could only stare at Ben in quiet surprise._

_“Not you too,” he finally said with a shake of his head. “Come on Ben, you are the only one with enough brains in this family to understand this stuff.” Standing up, he snatched the notebook out of Ben’s hands and held it to his chest for a moment before tossing it onto his bed._

_“Yeah, I understand it,” Ben said calmly, his eyes carefully following all of Five’s movements. “Again though, it’s not a good idea.” Five glared at him, the hope he had been feeling was drowned out quickly by his anger._

_“You think Dad’s right?” he asked, crossing his arms. “Just like Vanya and Klaus, you think I’m not ready?”_

_“You make it sound like I don’t believe in you,” Ben looked hurt and Five was glad. “What would be the point of time traveling in the first place? What are you trying to do? Prove yourself to the old man?”_

_“I don’t need to prove myself to him,” Five said through clenched teeth. “Not like you do,” Hurt drained from Ben’s face and anger almost matching Five, replaced it within a second. What he said was unfair, Five knew it, but he was angry. He didn’t expect Klaus to understand and it was Vanya’s nature to worry but Ben; He should have been excited for him._

_“I already told Vanya,” Five said after a moment. “I’m giving him one more chance at dinner tonight, if he still refuses I’m doing this on my own.”_

_“Five,” Ben said, now just looking tired._

_“Don’t try to stop me,” Five said and stormed out of his own room. He glanced at the clock on the wall as he stormed by. Dinner was in an hour._

Five rubbed his hand over his eyes, doing his best to scrub the memory away of the last time he talked to his brother. The first night he spent huddled behind rubble, shivering in the apocalypse, his final words to Ben played over and over in his mind. He got himself through that first night by forcing himself to stay alive so he could apologize.

“Look, I know how frustrating this family can be,” The words got caught in his throat for a moment and he had to roughly clear his throat before going on.

“I mean they’re idiots,” he snorted. “They ignored the fact that Klaus can actually talk to the dead. If they didn’t believe him, they could have at least done something to get him sober, they could have-” Five cut himself off, anger building up unexpectedly in his chest. He shut his eyes and for just a moment, it felt like Ben actually was in the room. He felt himself calm in the same way he always did when Ben was nearby.

“I’m here now Ben,” Five looked cautiously around the room, trying not to pay attention to the hope that was building in his chest. “I can figure out how Klaus made you visible. It can’t be too hard if he did it himself already, right?” He tried to smile, tried to pretend he could joke as he and Ben used too, but when he was met with silence, his sure feeling that Ben was there started to slip away.

“I can help him,” he said firmly and his eyes traveled to Vanya. His heart pounded faster the longer he looked at her. Five couldn’t tell if it was his own guilt or anger at her that was the cause, but he was starting to realize he could only stand to be around her for short periods of time. He looked away and swallowed down the pain.

“Somehow, I can fix this.  


***********************************

It wasn’t until much later that evening that Klaus and Diego came back. They brought groceries with them, but since they weren’t running low on food, Five guessed most of their day was spent avoiding him. Diego still had a scowl on his face when he saw Five making coffee in the kitchen. He moved over to the refrigerator without a word and put some of the food away. 

Klaus was standing in front of Vanya’s room with his head leaning on the doorframe. Five frowned watching him, he didn’t look much better than he had this morning. Klaus cocked his head as if he was listening to something before turning his head sharply to look Five’s way. Five almost jumped and quickly busied himself with the coffee he was pouring. He could feel Klaus’s gaze on him for a few more moments but when Five looked up again Klaus was halfway up the stairs.

“Hey, how’d it go?” Luther asked, squeezing past Klaus on his way down the stairs.

“We didn’t find shit,” Was the only reply Diego gave before he too disappeared up the stairs and into a room where he slammed the door. Luther stood in the hallway perplexed for a moment before he spotted Five and joined him in the kitchen.

“I think you were right about the Grace thing,” Luther went straight for the cupboards, a determined look on his face as he started pulling things out in an attempt to find something. “Isn’t chamomile tea supposed to be calming?” Five looked up from the coffee and raised an eyebrow at him.

“You’re going to make him tea?” Luther spun around, almost falling over, and gave Five an exasperated look.

“I thought it would be nice,” Luther had made decent coffee so maybe he would be better with tea than he had breakfast.

“It’s worth a shot,” he said with a shrug and left Luther to go upstairs.

At the end of the hall, the door to the office Five had made his room, was open and light spilled out into the hallway. Peeking in he saw Klaus sitting cross-legged on the bed, leaning back against the back of the pull out couch, and his hand gestured erratically as he spoke to the empty space next to him.

“We talked about it a little,” Klaus was saying. “But you know how he is.” There was an easy smile on Klaus’s face, but Five could still see the desperation that had been there that morning. 

“Hey,” Five said, stepping forward and lightly drumming his knuckles against the door. “You and Ben okay?” Klaus looked up, surprise on his face for a moment before he smiled.

“Oh yeah,” Klaus waved his goodbye hand. “We’re good, Ben can’t stay mad at me for too long,” Klaus batted his eyes to his left and blew a kiss Ben’s way. Five watched nervously before pulling the office chair closer to the bed. He wondered if Ben had been here this afternoon, would he have told Klaus what he said?

“Are _you_ okay?” Klaus again looked surprised, and confused by Five’s question but he smiled anyway.

“Aren’t I always?” He grinned.

“No,” The smile almost dropped off Klaus's face and he let out a small, breathy laugh before he stretched out a bit on the bed. 

There was something about the sheltered way Klaus was keeping his face that was somewhat familiar to Five. Even before the drugs, Klaus seemed to have this broken piece inside himself. It was probably his power, death had shrouded almost every aspect of his life since he’d been born, but something other than that always made Klaus seem so fragile to Five.

Reginald’s face flashed across his mind, a stern look pointed at Five’s tiny body standing in front of a trembling Klaus. _“That’s why you’re here Number Five,”_ he boomed. _“You need to keep him calm, or you all will fail.”_

For a moment, Five felt breathless. When had _that_ happened?

“It’s adorable to see you concerned,” Klaus’s voice jolted him out of his thoughts. He looked over at him and Five shook off the memory. “But nothing to worry about here. I’m fine.” Five crossed his arms across his chest and Klaus, whether he was mocking him or doing it unconsciously, did the same and smirked at his side.

“You know I can help you,” Klaus looked back up when Five, with a confused look in his eyes, “With your powers?” Five said, gesturing with his hands. 

“Oh, that,” Klaus said breezily. “Yeah, not interested.”

“Not interested?” 

“I’m a lost cause _mien Bruder_ ,” Klaus said. “Maybe in another decade I’ll do something mildly useful again.” Klaus made a move like he was going to stand up so Five shot his hand and grabbed Klaus’s arm.

“Klaus,” Five said sternly and waited until he had his brother’s attention.“You did something more than _mildly useful_. You saved our asses.” Klaus searched his face for a moment, looking uncomfortable with the praise he always seemed to be begging for and Five let go of his arm.

“You’ve been sober, what three days?”

“Four,” Klaus corrected.

“And when was the last time you were this sober for this long?”

“Probably before you left,” His words, matched with the pinched look on Klaus’s face, felt like a physical blow. Five remembered what Diego had said, he had _left_ them. Klaus picked at a worn spot on the blanket he sat on and Five looked over to where he guessed Ben was. He wondered if they also thought Five had left them.

“I shouldn’t have dismissed you the other day,” Five said after a moment. “When you asked me about my powers.” Klaus nodded, clearly remembering, and waved a hand towards Five.

“The world _was_ ending,” he shrugged.

“Well, for the moment, it’s not.” Five reminded him. “So I’m going to help you. We’ve found a lot of Dad’s journal’s and I figure if we do the opposite of what he would have done then there’s a shot you and Vanya can get your powers under control.” Klaus snorted but his smile wavered a bit.

“Do you really think Vanya can be okay?” Five was surprised by his question. He also didn’t know how to answer it. He liked to think he had all the answers, but this was something he didn't know where to start.

“I think if we don’t try, she won’t be.” Klaus sighed and leaned back against the couch, his eyes drifting down to his hands. Five peeked another look to Ben. “I can tell the others not to ask you about Ben, get them off your back at least.” He didn’t know if this would make Ben upset, but he didn’t want Klaus feeling like he was being badgered either.

“They don’t have to stop asking about him completely,” Klaus said. “Ben likes to be acknowledged after all the years.” Klaus smiled at where Ben was and it seemed to be the most genuine smile he had since Five came into the room.

“You should tell them how you feel.” Klaus snapped his head towards Five with an almost comical bewildered look and in his mind Five could see Ben with the same expression on his face.

“You? _Five_? Want me to talk about my feelings?” Klaus asked with a smirk. “I didn’t think you knew of that concept.” Five rolled his eyes. Cue the jokes, he thought cynically and could practically hear Ben laughing.

“I’m serious,” he insisted. “Instead of letting it build up inside until you take it all out on Ben, talk about it with someone.” 

“Like you?” Klaus asked, his face looking hopeful.

“No,” Five said quickly and Klaus giggled. “Diego or Allison are probably your best bet.” 

“ _Aww_ ,” Klaus put a hand over his heart. “That’s sweet you think so highly of them.” Five shook his head and stood up; Klaus was obviously feeling better.

“As long as it’s not me,” He said over his shoulder as he walked to the door.

“You say that now,” Klaus called after him in a sing-song voice. Stopping at the door, Five turned around. Something else Diego had said had been bothering him as well. Though, it wasn’t Diego he owed an apology to.

“I’m sorry,” The words were out of his mouth before he could think twice. Klaus stopped the conversation he’d started with Ben and turned his attention back to Five with a curious expression in his eyes.

“Why?” Five shifted on his feet for a moment before standing more firmly. 

“For Hazel and Cha Cha,” he said.”I tried to keep them away from all of you.” His original plan did include all of his siblings, but once he realized it was Hazel and Cha Cha that’d been sent after him, he adapted the plan to keep them safe. 

“Bang-up job,” Klaus laughed and pulled his legs back closer to his body. Five scoffed and turned away. If Klaus wasn’t going to be serious then-

“I told them about the eye,” That made Five stop. He slowly turned around and the smile from Klaus’s face was gone. He was wringing his hands and sat more rigidly on the bed. 

“What are you talking about?” Klaus opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head with a scoff.

“They started to destroy my drugs.” he shrugged, a hint of a smile on his lips. His head dropped down for a moment and he sighed. “So I caved and told them that you were looking for the owner of this eye and sent them to Meritech. Where I’ve been _told_ they blew it up?”

So that was what happened? Five knew it was Hazel and Cha Cha who blew up that building, he always figured it was only a matter of time before they followed him there anyway. Remembering the devastation he felt when that happened, the pain at his only lead literally going up in flames, it had felt like the end. 

“Huh,” Five breathed. Klaus chewed on his lip, watching Five with wide eyes. “They did blow it up.” Klaus held his hands out in a _tada_ kind of manner before shrinking back a little as if waiting for a blow.

From an early age, Reginald had trained them all to withstand even the harshest interrogations. It had been instilled in them the importance of never giving up any of their secrets. It was the reason the others had lashed out so harshly when Vanya wrote her book. It was going against the golden rule.

Klaus had broken that rule for drugs, but anger was not what Five felt. His eyes went to the dog tags that hung around his brother’s neck. Klaus had paid a heavy price and it didn’t matter what he had told them. It was _because_ of Five that Klaus was there in the first place. 

“Well, it all worked out,” Five finally said, and Klaus blinked at him in surprise. “The eye didn’t even really matter in the end. So, nothing to worry about now.” Klaus’s face was unreadable or a moment before it melted into a smile.

“You don’t need to worry either,” His hand reached up and his fingers curled around the dog tags. “It all worked out.”

************************************

Much later, after everyone had gone to bed for the night, Five found Diego sitting on the front porch. They had successfully avoided each other for the rest of the evening. Now they were left being the only two still awake so Five finally bit the bullet and joined Diego on the porch.

He sat at the steps leading down the front path, leaning against the railing with a bottle of beer hung lightly in his fingers. He didn’t acknowledge Five’s presence beyond the briefest of glances and they sat in silence for a minute.

“Did Luther really end up making you tea?” Five asked, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees. Diego snorted beside him and took a swig of his beer.

“It wasn’t half bad,” he shrugged and Five was impressed.

“It appears he’s good at making beverages.”

“Who would have thought?” Five and Diego had never really been the type to apologize to each other. They would fight, call each other terrible things and then never speak about it again. It always worked well for them, but there were some situations where even Five knew they had to talk.

“I didn’t break my contract out of some kind of arrogance,” Diego had been in mid-sip and almost dropped the whole bottle when Five spoke. “It was...complicated.” 

“Yeah?” Diego snorted and brought the bottle back to his lips. “How so?”

“When I first started working for the commission, I had a partner,” Five said. “Just for the first couple of missions. Someone to show me the ropes, nothing permanent, I wanted to work on my own.” Not everyone worked in pairs, but the Handler had suggested more than once that a partner would be good for him. After all those years alone, it would be nice to have someone to talk too. He agreed to three missions with someone else to which she quickly agreed.

“His name was Tex, he was younger than me but he’d been with the commission for much longer.” Tex had been in his late 30’s but his eyes looked older and in the time that Five spent with him, he never saw the man smile. They had a lot in common and though he wouldn’t call them friends, Five hadn’t minded his company. 

“Turns out, he was told the same thing when he was first recruited as me,” Five leaned back and looked away from Diego and at the night sky. “They came for him right after he’d lost his wife and kids and promised him he’d be able to save them if he gave up five years.” Five could still remember the way his stomach had dropped as Tex told him of his supposed deal. The shame that washed over him when he realized he let himself be fooled by the first person he saw in decades. That he left Delores behind for _this_.

“They go back on their word?” Diego asked and Five almost laughed.

“They always find a way to get your loyalty.” Five put it plainly. “They dangle the perfect solution to any problem right in your face, and they never mean it. I had to break my contract or I never would have gotten away.”

The Handler’s words still rung in Five’s mind. _“I saved you from a lifetime of being alone, you owe me.”_ There was a time, in his very early days with the commission that Five could almost believe that. But after seeing his siblings again, Five knew for the first time in his life who it was he owed his life too. 

“I did a lot of things that I should regret to get here,” Five looked down at his hands for a moment before looking back to Diego. “The only thing I regret in my life is walking out the door that day.” It was probably the most honest he’d ever been with Diego in his whole life. He hoped by sharing this maybe his brother would understand how badly he’d wanted to come home.

“I never should have said that you didn’t care about us,” Diego said, his voice thick with emotion for just a second that they both ignored. “Even as kids I knew that wasn’t true.” Five was surprised by his sentiment and how guilty it made him feel.

“I should have done better,” Deigo shrugged at that and gave him a pointed look.

“We _all_ should have done better.” He took a finale swig out of the bottle and set it down between his feet. Five nodded and then reached into his pocket.

“You didn’t do so bad,” He pulled out Vanya’s pills and held it out for Diego to inspect.

“What’s this?” he asked, bringing the bottle up closer to see in the dim light.

“Vanya’s pills,”

“What?” Diego snapped, the familiar anger came back into his expression and Five rolled his eyes.

“I found it when I got the medical supplies from the academy,” he explained. “It’s not like I’ve been hiding them this whole time.” Diego frowned, not too impressed with that answer and practically shook the bottle in Five’s face.

“What were you planning on doing with them?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Five admitted and Diego blinked in surprise. “I also don’t know what’s going to happen when Vanya wakes up. She could be herself and everything will be okay, or she could still be how she was.”

“You think she could still cause the apocalypse?” Diego asked.

“It could be why the commission hasn’t come after us,” It was a new theory, and while it was a small chance that Vanya would wake up and the world would end, Five had to think of every possibility no matter how unlikely.

“So we pop a pill in her mouth and that will stop the apocalypse?” Diego asked, looking at the label again. “Doesn’t it take a week or two for this medication to start working?” Five clenched his jaw and snatched the bottle out of Diego’s hand.

“I wasn’t suggesting we use it like a _magic_ pill,” he snapped. “I just wanted to show you I had it.”

“Why?” 

“Because you said I was keeping secrets!” Five could see the start of a smile on Diego’s face and but just like his emotion showing before, they both ignored it.

“Okay,” he said. “I think that when Vanya wakes up, and hopefully not still wanting to kill us, we just give her the pills. She should get to decide about them.” The bottle rolled around between his fingers a few more times before Five nodded and put them back in his pocket.

“Luther can make tea, and you can be reasonable,” he shrugged. “I guess things do change.” Diego snorted and grabbed the empty bottle back up.

“Hilarious,” he grumbled, standing up. “I’m getting another beer.”

“Can you grab one for me?” Five asked. Beer had never been his favorite but it would make this whole day a little better he figured.

“You’re too young,” Diego called out over his shoulder and with a laugh disappeared back into the house. Five frowned.

“Asshole,” Then he clenched his hands into fists and beat Diego into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to follow me on Tumblr, @undertheshadytree, for my randomness and sometimes I post updates on fic. Stay safe and healthy and let me know what you think!!


	8. I can finally see you're as fucked up as me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I appreciate it all so much!!
> 
> Chapter title from the song Sick of Losing Soulmates by Dodie Clark

Five found Delores on his second day in the apocalypse. He started collecting anything he could find that would help him when her face caught his eye. Her serene expression amongst all the horror intrigued him enough that he added her to his wagon. Five could hear Reginald’s voice in his head reminding him that a mannequin was not conducive to his survival, but he didn’t care. Less than an hour after finding her, he found his siblings. He buried them and after he shed more tears than he had his entire life he looked at Delores’s calm face and she was almost challenging him.

 _“Are you going to sit here and cry or are you going to do something about this?”_ Logically, he knew it was his own voice asking him this, but it became Delores. She got him moving.

Five wasn’t as delusional as his siblings most likely thought he was. Delores was a mannequin and by the time he was seventeen, Five had read enough psychology books for him to know that she was the manifestation of his trauma and loneliness. He also knew that without her he would have, quite literally, lost his mind. When it came down to it, Five had spent more of his life with Delores than his siblings. Her being a mannequin lost all meaning to him long ago.

Leaving her behind in the apocalypse hadn’t been his choice. Delores made that decision. He didn’t see anything wrong with bringing her along, but she had been right. He would’ve hated her to have to witness what he had to do. Leaving her again had been his choice. It had felt right, but every day that passed Five began to wonder if he’d made a mistake. 

So when Klaus announced he wanted to go back to the Gimble Brothers for a skirt he’d finally decided he wanted, Five offered to go with him. He could visit Delores and see if she was regretting their separation as much as him. 

They didn’t have a lot of time, Luther and Diego were alone together at the academy. They both were trying to get along better and were showing progress, but Five did promise Diego not to be gone more than an hour. Luther was also eager to get back to Allison’s, which he and Five would do when they were done. Allison assured them all that she and Vanya would be fine and then she had practically thrown them all out of the house.

So now Five stood in the middle of the department store, a few dozen people scattered around rifling through racks of clothes and a sugary pop song playing over his head. Five vaguely recognized it from his childhood. It had been grating then and hadn’t gotten any better. Not surprisingly, Klaus was bouncing along to the beat as he looked through a rack of jackets.

“While we’re here, brother dearest,” Klaus said as he tugged on a jacket to inspect. “You should look for something for yourself.”

“I have more than enough clothes,” Five said. He put his hands in his pockets and tried his best to look casual while he scanned the store for every mannequin insight. He couldn’t get a good view of the spot he’d left Delores, but he didn’t want to alert Klaus as to why he was really here. He needed to see her alone.

“I know Diego and I got you some decent stuff, and you look adorable in a hoodie,” Klaus pulled out a jacket from the clothes rack he’d been scanning and held it up to himself. “But I can show you some things that Diego refused to let me get you.” Grinning, Klaus held out the jacket as if presenting it to Five.

“I have a feeling I would have agreed with Diego,” Five frowned at the bedazzled monstrosity in Klaus’s hands.

“Of course you would,” Klaus said with a huff and hung the jacket back up. “I blame Diego for this. If only he would let some color into his wardrobe. He refuses to listen to me of course-”

“Klaus,” Five stopped him before he could ramble on endlessly as he did the entire six blocks they walked to get here. “You need to go somewhere else now.” Klaus’s mouth dropped and, almost comically, his arms flapped at his side.

“What?” he squeaked 

“I thought you were looking for something particular,” Five quickly reminded him. Klaus opened his mouth to say something, then shut it with a bit of a pout.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “What are you going to do?”

“I’ll look for something as well,” Five said with a casual shrug. “We can meet back here in twenty minutes.”

“What part of sticking together so if the police or commission comes is that?” Klaus with a smirk as his hands went to his hips. “Wasn’t that _your_ rule?” Five sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. _Now_ they had to start listening to him. 

“We’re in a crowded place and in the same building,” Five said, gesturing around the large store.”Besides, if we split up we can get what we came for quicker and we can get out of here.” Klaus raised his eyebrows as he considered this for a moment.

“Right, right, you make a good point,” he said, his fingers tapped along his mouth as his eyes went to the 25% off sale in the women's section.

“If you see something just yell and I’ll blink right over.” Klaus nodded, turning to look back at Five but already moving in the direction of the sale. 

“Fine, but if you see something then-” Five shot him a look. Not that Klaus couldn’t handle himself, Five was just better. “I am going to let _you_ handle it and you have my full support.” Klaus gave him a big smile and Five smirked back.

“Great,” he said through his teeth. “Meet back here in twenty minutes.” Without another word, Klaus flounced away as another late 90’s pop song whined out of the speakers above him.

Once Klaus was out of sight, Five quickly made his way over to the mannequin display. Five did his best to keep his face as neutral as possible. He didn’t want Delores to think he couldn’t make it without her. If she came back to him, it needed to be on her terms and he promised to respect whatever choice she made.

Approaching the display though, Five felt his stomach drop. Delores wasn’t there. He scanned the faces of the other mannequins, for a moment thinking they had cleaned her up and he just didn’t recognize her makeover, but she wasn’t there. There were two other spots where a group of mannequins stood but to his dismay, Dolores wasn’t at either one.

Finding himself back at the spot they said goodbye, Five was trying to ignore the gnawing thought in the back of his mind. The one that told him exactly where Dolores was. Swallowing down those thoughts, Five walked over to a young, bored-looking man who was folding and unfolding the same shirt over and over.

“Excuse me,” Five said. “There was a certain mannequin here the other day that I don’t see anymore.” The man, Gary, glanced up and looked Five up and down.

“You might want to look into a hobby, kid,” Five frowned.

“No,” he said, clenching his jaw around the insult he wanted to say. “This one was left here, she was wearing polka dots-”

“Oh, that broken one?” Five flinched, but at least Gary’s interest had been piqued. “Yeah, some kid left it, probably for a prank. We had it in the breakroom for a few days, but it freaked out the store manager so she made us throw it away this morning.” Five’s entire body went cold.

“Where was she thrown away?” Gary looked confused and shook the shirt again.

“Out back,” he pointed to the exit sign by the changing rooms across from them. “Trash might not have been picked up yet, so you-” Five didn’t stay long enough to hear the rest of his sentence, seconds later he was outside. 

Two large dumpsters were lined up against the wall in the small ally behind the store. The dumpsters were taller than Five and the lids were almost too heavy for him to lift. He didn’t know what would help him best now. His current small and skinny body, or the older, more arthritic version of himself. After a few moments of struggling with the lid, Five was able to lift it enough to see that the dumpster was empty inside. 

Five barely heard the sound of the lid crashing back down when he let go. He didn’t feel the ground suddenly rush to meet him as he stumbled down. He was on his knees in front of a dumpster, kneeling in a puddle of questionable origins, and Five could feel the familiar waves of despair flow through him as realization crashed over him. Delores was gone.

************************************

Another advantage to his younger body, Five was discovering, was it didn’t take much for him to become drunk. Delores wouldn’t have called it an advantage, she would have reminded him of the ways that alcohol could harm his much too young body despite his real age. Five’s drinking was one of the only things they ever fought about, so what better way to mourn her?

After leaving Klaus and Diego behind, and listening to Luther complain the entire way home, Five spent the rest of the afternoon locked away scribbling at calculations. Abandoning his early pursuits of locating the commission, Five switched his focus to working out the specific calculations for time travel. If he could just go back a few hours, he could get into the store after hours as he did before and rescue Delores before she was thrown into the trash. 

However, around the time Luther started pestering him about eating dinner, Five gave up on his plan. He had time traveled twice and neither was without consequence and he couldn’t risk the shaky ground the timeline was currently on. He thought back to the advice he gave to Diego just a few days before; Delores would never have wanted him to risk all that for her. So instead, Five ended up in the basement where Allison had all her alcohol stashed. It turned out Patrick was a bit of a collector of various kinds of whiskeys. 

He wasn’t even halfway through the bottle when the burn of the whiskey already started to dull. Five thought he should be used to loss by now. Losing the people he loved was basically all he knew his whole life. This loss was different though, and he hated to admit it, but it was the loss of something so much more than his companion. It was his life, the one he already lived, the apocalypse all wrapped up in Delores’s protective painted face. Even though it had been the worst thing that happened to him, it had still been his life.

“Five?” Five sank lower down the wall he was sitting against when he heard Klaus’s voice from the top of the stairs. “Are you sure he's down here? Five?” Five closed his eyes and thought that maybe if he stayed quiet, Klaus wouldn’t think he was here. He held onto that hope for just a few seconds before Klaus came clambering down the stairs.

“Well look at this,” Klaus sighed, looking around the basement. “I’m beginning to think that this basement wasn’t the scene of a grisly murder and instead Allison just didn’t want me coming down here.” Shaking his head, he finally saw Five sitting in the corner.

“Maybe she should have told you that there were free hugs down here,” Klaus crossed his arms and looked a little too proud of himself. “I bet that would have kept you away.” Five leaned his head back against the wall and glared up at Klaus through half-lidded eyes.

“Fuck off Klaus,” he muttered, but Klaus was not deterred.

"That’s very rude,” he said. “I am here simply out of concern, you could at least show some appreciation.” The glass bottle of whiskey scrapped across the floor as Five pulled it closer to himself and Klaus’s eyes tracked it the whole way. Klaus did look concerned, even with his half-grin in place, Five could see the wheels turning in his head. Five frowned, concern was the last thing he wanted.

“I’m fine,” Five said, bringing the whiskey bottle up to his chest. “Your concern is unnecessary.” He took a long drink, watching the smile fade off Klaus’s face.

“You shouldn’t be drinking,” Five almost choked and his hand holding the bottle dropped down to his lap. He coughed a couple of times before leveling his gaze back to Klaus.

“ _You_ shouldn't be drinking,” Five reminded him. “I can do whatever I want.” Klaus was the one with the problem. Five wasn’t the one who was banned from coming down here because of poor impulse control. Klaus was the _addict_ , not him. 

“Well, your tiny child body begs to differ,” Klaus said. He took a step closer to Five and held out his hand. “Why don’t we go back upstairs and you can have all the coffee you-”

“What _are_ you doing here?” Five cut him off, anger quickly taking over the annoyance he had been feeling. “Allison did tell you not to come down here. Why can’t you follow a simple instruction?”

“Well, Ben told me you were drinking and-”

“Really Ben?” Five scoffed looking past Klaus. “You think because I can’t see you that it’s okay to spy on me? Why don’t you fuck off too?” 

“Hey, whoa-” Klaus said holding his hands up. “That was a little uncalled-Ben, don’t go!” Klaus spun around and Five took another drink to numb the shame that bubbled up.

“He’s drunk, you know he didn’t mean it!” Klaus turned back around with his hands on his hips. He almost looked comical in Five’s hazy mind, if it weren’t for the frown on his face. “Great, now you’ve hurt his feelings,” 

“I don’t care,” He did care and he knew Klaus knew it too, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. The grief he was feeling was turning to anger that bordered on rage with each passing second.

“Sure whatever,” Klaus rolled his eyes. “Look, it’s just you and me now so why don’t you tell me what’s going on.”

“Fuck you, Klaus,”

“Hey, I’m just-”

“Delores is gone.” He said it without thinking. He wasn’t planning on telling anyone, they hadn’t cared about Delores so why would they care that she was gone? 

“Delores?” Klaus looked confused. “Was she back at the academy when Vanya-“

“She was all I had,” Five said, pushing his back against the wall to help him stand. “That whole time, she was the only one there for me.” Klaus was the only one who actually knew who she was to him. He’d shared the smallest amount of information with him partly to get his brother to stop talking about sex, but also because he knew he’d get the least amount of judgment from him. 

Now Klaus was looking at him with wide eyes that were dangerously close to tearing up, and his whole expression seemed to call out a sense of understanding that Five desperately needed, but Five was uncomfortable with needing someone like this. It only reminded him that he had once needed Delores and he got rid of her, essentially sending her to her death, all because of a different need. The need to put the past behind him and move on.

 _“Trust me, you gotta just let it go,”_

Klaus had called him an addict, tried to tell him Five was the same as him. He needed Klaus to be wrong more than he realized that Klaus was right. The need inside him to be understood and comforted started to slip away and anger and blame took their place.

“And now thanks to _you_ , she’s gone.” Klaus had been the reason he took her back there. Klaus had called him an addict and just so he could prove him wrong, Five ended it with her and essentially killed her.

“Five, I don’t understand,”

“What right do you have calling me an addict?” Klaus blinked in surprise.

“What does-“ he started. “Is that what this is about?”

“And I was _stupid_ enough to listen to you! Fuck, what does that say about me?” Five chuckled bitterly and took another drink before stumbling back a bit into the wall. Klaus reached out as if he was going to steady him, but Five shot him a glare that got him to back off.

“What happened to Delores?” Klaus asked, annoyingly calm.

“You said I needed to let it go. Let the apocalypse go so I did,” he said stepping away from the wall again and moving closer to Klaus. “I took her back to her friends, I thought she would be happier there.” Klaus sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“That’s why you wanted to go to Gimble's,” Five growled at the softness in Klaus’s voice and propelled himself forward a bit more even as the ground felt more unstable. 

“They threw her in the trash like she was _nothing_.” he spat. “That’s the reward she got for dealing with me for all those years. That’s the big thanks she gets,” Angry, hot tears filled his eyes and he felt his whole body shaking with the effort to not let them fall. His head was beginning to swim, he should probably have stayed sitting, but he pushed on. Forcing his words out, his voice rising, Five could feel the death grip he kept on his emotions began to slip.

“And you know what’s worse?” Five ignored the crack in his voice but Klaus’s eyes widened just a little when he heard it. “You were wrong,” Five stepped up and he was back to hating his younger body. He stood as tall as he could to try to look Klaus straight in the eye, but Klaus had grown stupidly tall. “The apocalypse was still happening and I just let her go before being sure. You made me let her go!” He was shouting now, the tears somehow fell down his cheeks and his throat burned as if he chugged the entire whiskey bottle. The whole room was spinning now but Klaus stayed in front of him, solid as ever

“Five, I think it’s time we get you to bed,” Klaus said, reaching out to take his arm but Five flinched away and took a few unsteady steps backward.

“This is your fault Klaus” Five shouted and shoved Klaus away from him. Five felt his chest go tight and it was harder to breathe and Klaus only seemed to want to come closer to him now. “You were wrong about it being over, I never should have let her go!” Klaus tried again to take his arm and with a breathless cry, Five shoved him again.

“You need to breathe Five,” Klaus hovered in front of him, not touching him, but close enough that Five could feel the body heat coming off of him. He shut his eyes, it was suddenly too hot down here and he broke out into a cold sweat.

“Get away from me,” his words slurred and he tried to catch his breath, but it wasn’t working. He brought his hand over his pounding heart and black spots started to seep into his vision. Klaus was still there though, loaming just on the side of him, arms held out to steady him.

“Five, please,” Klaus pleaded softly. “I just want to help you, I just want to help.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better!” he cried and then fumbled forward. Klaus caught him by the arms and Five pulled away. “You can’t fix this, you would just fuck it up.”

“Five-“

“You fuck everything up,” Five said sneering at Klaus, “That’s why I buried you first!” As if his words had been a punch, Klaus sprang away from him, his arms darting up as if to shield him from this verbal attack. He stared at Five, almost shell shocked, his eyes filling with tears. Five looked at the hurt, sadness and _betrayal_ on his brother's face and the realization of what he said washed over Five.

“Oh _shit-_ ” 

There were certain things Five knew he would never reveal to his siblings. It was hard enough putting into words they could understand the brief summary he’d offered them. He didn’t know how to tell them he would go weeks without food, or at times he had to drink his own piss. He couldn’t tell them about the times he’d almost given up and would go where he buried them fully intending to kill himself when he got there. Mainly though, he promised he would never tell them about finding them in any great detail. The small amount that he told Luther was all he ever wanted to say on the subject. He especially never wanted to talk about it with Klaus.

“That’s not-I didn’t mean-shit, _fuck!_ ” Five fisted his hands into hair as the words he wanted to say swirled around in his head. Klaus stayed silent, his arms wrapped around his chest as if he was trying to comfort himself. “Oh shit, oh fucking shit-that’s not what-oh fuck”

There weren’t a lot of bodies in the apocalypse, at least that Five could find. He found parts of bodies; arms, torsos, not a lot of head which Five found most disturbing. Whatever it was that killed everyone it was brutal

The eye caught his attention first, and when Five looked at the man holding it, something twisted inside of him and his ears started ringing. He felt like he knew this man but couldn’t place why. Two other bodies lay nearby and as he checked them for signs of life, that feeling inside of him intensified. Walking away from them, his mind growing hazy with confusion and anxiety, Five came upon the last of the bodies. It was when he saw this one, when he saw _Klaus_ , that he knew who these people were.

There it was on his wrist, an umbrella tattoo identical to his own, and the glazed over eyes that Five would know anywhere. He found his family.

“You had your eyes open when I found you.” Five explained in a rush. “You were the only one, and you were just looking at me and I couldn’t-You just kept _looking_ at me. So I had too,” Klaus looked more curious and Five rambled on. “And Diego, when I got him out from the rubble, his hand was missing, it was just gone.” Klaus’s mouth dropped open slightly and his expression of hurt started to fade into one of horrified. 

“I fell asleep next to Allison,” Five was crying now, at some point he stopped trying to hold it back. Tears flowed down his face and his words came out more frantic than the last. “I was so tired and I laid down next to her and slept even though she was so cold, it was still Allison.” He could still see their bodies in front of them as if they were there. He could still feel the cold, stiff body of his sister as he tried to feel _something_ laying next to her. It felt like it was happening, at this moment. If Five was honest with himself, it always felt like it was happening. 

“It took me three days to get Luther out and when I did-he had a fucking monkey body!” Five felt hysterical now. “He was part monkey and nobody was around to explain that to me. And I couldn’t find Ben or Vanya anywhere! I looked-I looked for weeks and I never found them. I couldn’t. I couldn’t-Klaus, I can’t, oh fuck-I can’t-” The whole world felt like it was spinning off its axis and gravity seemed to be giving up on him. Five’s knees buckled and he pitched forward. It wasn’t the ground that caught him though, it was Klaus. 

Klaus’s arms wrapped around him as Five fell into his chest. Slowly, Klaus lowered them both to a kneeling position on the ground. Five’s head laid against Klaus’s shoulder, other than his trembling, he remained completely frozen.

He couldn’t remember the last time someone had _hugged_ him like this.

“Five,” Klaus whispered. _“B_ _reathe_ _,”_ Five nodded and took a long shuddering breath and fisted his hands into Klaus’s green army vest, trying desperately to ground himself in his haze. He could feel the steady up and down of Klaus’s breathing and he shut his eyes tightly to try to match it. Klaus started to rub circles on his back; slow, easy movements that brought down his heart rate. Five’s body sagged against Klaus’s, his breaths coming easier now, and all the panic melted into grief.

“I’m sorry,” Klaus breathed. “That’s fucked up,” A sound that could only be described as a wail, erupted out of him and Klaus pulled him even closer. Five didn’t trust himself to speak again so he tightened his arms around his brother instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was what started it all! I originally wanted to do just a one-shot of Five learning Delores was gone and then getting drunk and finally breaking down about finding the bodies of his siblings. As I started working on it though I couldn't help but to wonder what came before and what would happen after. Thus this fic and the sequel I'm working on were born! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!! Please let me know what you think and expect the next chapter 2-3 Monday's from now!!


	9. I know when I sober up I’ll have to pay my dues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was meant to be longer. I have the second half of this almost finished and was going to hold off until posting it tomorrow when I know I can finish and miss my Monday deadline I set for myself. Then I was reading over it again and the place where I’ve stopped it just made such a good chapter ending that I don’t know why I didn’t think to do it this way from the start. So I decided to go ahead and post it and give this fic one extra chapter. I’ll post the “second half” most likely tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest. So two chapters in one week!!
> 
> Thank you again for all comments and kudos!! I’ve been dealing with some mental health stuff recently and all support for this fic makes everything a little easier.
> 
> Chapter title from the song, “Glitter” by 070 Shake

“Rise and shine sleeping beauty,” The light blinded him as Five struggled to open his eyes as Diego’s voice shot through his head like a spike.

“Yeah, I bet you’re regretting breaking into Patrick’s collection right about now.” Five glared at Diego’s smug face above him and pushed himself up, ignoring the way his stomach rolled as he moved.

“Fuck off,” he growled, wincing slightly at the dryness in his mouth. He kicked the pink, fuzzy blanket off himself and took a look around.

He was on the couch in the living room, directly under a large window that the sunrise showed directly through. Klaus had half dragged, half carried him here a few hours before. Five ran his hand down his face, his skin was dry and his eyes still burned from crying as hard as he did. Proving that last night did happen, and it hadn’t been the bad dream he wished it was.

“That’s no way to talk to someone who was nice enough to bring you this,” Diego said brightly as he placed a cup of coffee down in front of him. “Hurry up, we’re leaving in twenty minutes and you really need a shower because you reek.” Reaching for the coffee, Five frowned up at Diego.

“What?” he grunted. “Leaving where?” Diego’s smile turned a little too satisfied.

“You said you’d help out at the academy today.” _Shit_. He had promised Diego that the other night when they were drinking beers together. That was before Delores though, and before he’d drunk half his body weight in alcohol.

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” Five brought the cup to his lips and before he could take a sip, Diego snatched it away. Five made a grab for it, but the effort in getting up was more than he could give at the moment so he sunk back against the couch, glaring at Diego.

“This is the last day we have before the city starts the cleanup,” Diego reminded him. “You said it yourself that you wanted one last look for dad’s journals, so this is your last chance.”

There hadn’t been much that survived Vanya’s attack, but the amount of journals and letters that miraculously did would be crucial going forward. Five hadn’t thought about finding Reginald’s research on their powers in the apocalypse, his focus had been on survival, and now Five didn’t want to waste the opportunity to lose this information again.

“So get your ass up,” Diego set the coffee back down before turning to leave the room. “Twenty minutes,” he said over his shoulder and disappeared out the front door.

Five looked out the window to see if Klaus was already out there waiting, but Diego was alone. Five took a sip of his coffee and tried to push down the sudden anxiety springing up at the thought of facing Klaus after last night

Twenty minutes later, his hair still wet, Five slammed the passenger side door shut and chewed on the piece of toast Luther insisted he take. Diego sat in the driver's seat, not looking up when Five got in, fiddling with the radio before shutting it off completely. Five glanced down in the rear view mirror at the front door. He wondered if Diego had given Klaus the same time limit as he did.

“Drink this,” Still not looking at him, Diego passed Five a bottle of water. When Five took it, Diego also handed him a small white pill. “It’s just aspirin,” Five took it without saying anything and as he drank it down Diego put the car in drive. Five looked curiously back at the house as they pulled away.

“Where’s Klaus?” Maybe he shouldn’t have presumed Klaus was coming along, but he had joined Diego everyday so far. 

“He decided not to come,” Diego said casually. “Seems like he had a bit of a rough night, kind of just wants to be alone.” Five flinched and watched the house disappear from the rear view window as they rounded a corner onto the main road. Guilt twisted in his stomach and for a moment the instinct to go back flared up inside him.

“Don’t worry,” Deigo said. “Allison said she’d check in on him.” Five caught Diego’s eyes now, a knowing look passed between them and Five relaxed back against the seat.

“You wouldn’t happen to know anything about why Klaus had such a bad night?” Five frowned. Subtlety was never one of Diego’s strong suits and Five could tell his brother knew exactly what had happened. The things he said and the things he admitted to whirled around in his head. It was bad enough he’d said to Klaus of all people, there was no way he was going to talk to Diego about it. He would find Klaus later and make sure he was okay.

“Wake me up when we get there,” Five sighed and leaned his head against the window. Diego grunted beside him, annoyed Five didn’t answer his question.

“Sure bro,” he said, his voice going a little too sarcastically bright.“That’s probably the best thing for your hangover.” Five enjoyed a few peaceful moments before Diego turned back on the radio at full blast and an 80’s hair band ruined any sense of quiet.

**********************************

According to Luther, there was a lawyer they needed to get in touch with. Apparently there was a will and his money needed to go somewhere.Then there was the property. Diego’s car came to a stop in front of the pile of still smoking ruins that used to be the Academy and Five tried to quiet that part of his brain that told him he was back in the apocalypse. He voted on selling and hoped they could get to the point where they never step foot in this city again.

“So we’re really not going to talk about last night?” Diego asked, shifting the car into park. Five clenched his jaw. Diego really wasn’t going to let up. He wondered how much Klaus told him, or even worse, how upset Klaus had been to make Diego worry this much.

“Seeing how you weren’t a part of what happened last night,” Five snapped, opening the door and quickly getting out. “No, we aren’t going to talk about it.” The car ride into the city had been quiet, once Diego turned the music down, and the aspirin he’d been given eased Five’s headache to a dull, manageable thud.

“Listen, Five,” Diego said. He got out as well, stopping briefly to pull two cardboard boxes out from the backseat. “You need to be careful with the drinking,” _Not again._

Five was past the point of tolerance for being treated like a child, his siblings were going to have to get used to him acting his age. Luther thought he should eat more vegetables. Allison was worrying about his sleep and if one more of them commented on his drinking, he was going to lose his mind.

“I’m not actually thirteen years old,” Five reminded him and snatched one of the boxes out of Diego’s hands.

“Your body is,” Five scoffed and turned away.

“That’s irrelevant,”

“Look, it was kind of funny at first,” Diego said, walking after him. “But you really need to cut it back.”

“Well, thank you for the sage advice,” Five said with a grin. “But kindly mind your own fucking buiness.” He turned his to Diego and tried again to walk away from him but his brother just followed him.

“You and this family are my business,” Diego growled. He reached out and grabbed Five by the arm and spun him around. Five blinked, surprised and Diego narrowed his eyes at him. “And Klaus was really freaked out last night, so maybe think about _that_ before you decide to get drunk again.” Klaus’s hurt expression flashed across his mind and Five turned away from Diego’s dark eyes. At least some things hadn’t changed. Like the unspoken rule that, for some of their siblings, there were things you _didn’t_ do.

“I’m going to start on the east end,” Diego didn’t try to stop him so Five blinked away.

For the next hour the two of them searched through the rubble in silence. Five was pretty certain there wasn’t much left of importance in all of this mess, but he’d done enough to piss off Diego already, throwing in the towel wasn’t an option. At least his hangover seemed to have passed. Hopping down from a large chunk of wall, Five had to hand it to his younger body for that one.

Just as he was about to head off to the kitchen, something caught his eye. Sticking out between two rocks was an embroidery hoop, the canvas still in it. Five glanced over at Diego a few yards away, in the place they’d last seen Grace. Biting his lip, Five lifted the needlepoint up to get a better look. It was the moon, Five guessed at least, but there was a large chunk of it broken out of it. Like the moon had blown off a piece. Five frowned, his eyes going back to Diego and then threw it into his still empty box.

Moving closer to where Diego was, a red notebook caught his eye. Five kicked aside the brick laying on it and was met with the familiar _RH_ across it’s cover. Brushing off the dirt and grim Five opened to the first page and saw the date _February 27th, 1994._ Underneath, in Reginald’s distinctive, messy cursive, was _“Day One: Number Four and Five joint sessions to begin testing the bio-”_

Five frowned deeper, right at the top of the page was smudged so whatever joint session this was he couldn’t read. He swiped away at the dirt and it cleared a little bit, enough to make it more legible.

“Of course,” Diego’s voice cut through the silence they’d been in and Five looked up, almost surprised he had spoken. “She brings down the entire building but somehow this survives.” Vanya’s book was in his hands. Looking almost brand new, the Academy coming down on top of it didn’t even bend a page by the looks of it. Shaking his head, Diego threw the book over his shoulder and continued digging.

Five picked up the book, the weight of it was different from his paperback copy, and flipped open the cover.

_Dad, I figured why not? -V_

“What is it with you and this book?” Five asked, dropping the book into his box.

“Are you serious?” Diego snorted, looking at Five wide-eyed.

“You have a much bigger chip on your shoulder than the others do,”

“Oh, so we’re not talking about your problems but we can talk about mine?” Diego came forward, an accusatory glare in his eyes, but Five ignored him.

“The stuff she wrote about sucked,” Five said bluntly. “There were things she wrote about me that I would have preferred not been included, so I get it.” Vanya had been critical of all her siblings, even took a few shots at Ben, but she was kindest to Five. She called him out on his arrogance, which he wasn’t too prideful to admit too. If anything she made him sound better than his own memory of his life.

She also included information about the private training Reginald had him do. How he was made to jump over and over again until he passed out threw up, usually both. She wrote about the times Reginald would tell Five that one of his siblings was in danger and it would only be until he had completely exhausted himself, blind with panic, that he was told it was just a drill. She knew about his weaknesses better than anyone in the family because he told her in confidence. He never knew that not only would the rest of his siblings find out, so would the world.

It hurt when he read it at thirteen, just weeks after leaving behind his family. He tried being angry, there was so much he was angry about in those days, but his anger was always stopped by the memory of Vanya at the table that day, pleading with him not to go. He deserved to have his secrets told and Vanya deserved to have a voice.

“God you are a prick,” Diego muttered.

“You’re one who keeps reminding me about all the stuff I missed.” Five pointed out. “So this is me asking. What happened?” Diego opened his mouth as if to answer, the brick he was holding passed between his hand, and instead of words, laughter came out of him.

“Why wouldn’t I be pissed?” he asked bitterly. “When I left I wanted as far away from _The_ _Umbrella_ _Academy_ and the _Kraken_ as possible,” Diego said, sneering a bit at his old codename. “And here comes little Vanya, growing a backbone for the first time in her life and spilling every embarrassing and horrible memory out there for just anybody to read.” He tossed the brick down, his hand rubbing into his hair for a moment.

“I was at the police academy at the time and things…” his voice trailed off and even though he hadn’t said much, the dark look on his face didn’t leave much up to the imagination. “I was seeing this girl at the time,” _Detective_ _Patch_. Diego didn’t have to say and Five didn’t ask.

“She was cool about it, nicer than anyone really.” He smiled in a moment, his eyes far off into memories, much better than their reality, and Five could almost feel the phantom pain of his loss. Diego shook his head and cleared his throat, tucking his emotions away again before he spoke.

“But, she wanted to talk about it,” he rolled his eyes, but the pain of regret was still shining through. “We fought and-just. It wasn’t our only problem but sometimes I think it was the last straw.” Diego turned away, kicking at a pile of rubble in front of him and Five snorted, turning his attention to part of a collapsed wall next him.

“So you blamed Vanya because you’re too emotionally stunted to accept support instead of ridicule?” He looked over his shoulder, and if he wasn’t standing in the ruins of his childhood home while talking to his brother about his dead girlfriend, Five would have laughed at the angry pout of Diego’s face.

“That’s not really how I would put it,” he snapped and turned away for just a second before he spun back. “And fuck you, I have every right to be mad at Vanya. She’s supposed to be family, I _trusted_ her.” And there it was. Trust wasn’t something you gave lightly in their family. It was a messy concept, tangled in all of Reginald’s games and experiments. Trust was selective and once broken, almost never earned back.

“Have you told her that?” Five asked. Diego frowned, looking confused and Five rolled his eyes. “It’s time to forgive her, or at least hear her side of it.” he said over his shoulder as he stepped onto a pile of bricks and pulled himself up onto the fallen wall.

“Look around Diego,” Five said, spreading around his arms to the mess around them. “We’re all we have.” Diego’s face softened as he looked around their ruined home and he leaned back against a pillar.

“We’re orphans again,” he said, almost too soft for Five to hear. His expression changed into a moment of anger, his hand curling into a fist, then he laughed, a hollow, sad sound before looking back at Five.

“Fuck you,” he pushed himself off the pillar and resumed picking apart the bricks in front of him.

“I guess, considering everything, the book really doesn’t matter.

“Good,” Five said, reaching for a brick.

“She’s going to need all of us if she’s ever going to figure out-” Five froze.The brink in his hand fell to the ground and a choked sound came out of his throat. Pogo’s hand was under the brick.

The lifeless, limp hand laying among all the destruction sent him to his knees and everything inside of him burned hot. The ash was falling round him again, choking him, killing him slowly as the building around him crumbled to the ground. He was back, he was back, he was _back_.

“Five?” Five could hear Diego’s voice, but all he could see was his brother’s body. Face down, covered in ash and dust. One of his hands had been crushed and severed from his body, Five found it not far. His other outstretched as if he’d just thrown one of his knives.

“Five?” The bricks around him moved as something jumped next to him. For a moment he felt a hand on his shoulder and panic jolted through him like a shot, physically rocking him as he cried out.

“Five! What’s wro-” The weight of the hand was gone and the shadow over him cleared and for a second he almost caught his breath.

“Pogo?” The hand in front him shifted as the pieces of concrete seemed to fall away. The fingers came close together, almost like it was grasping something. Like Luther’s hand, holding onto that goddamn eye. Later, in his efforts to free his body, the glove Luther wore fell to the ground and Five saw the strange discoloration and hair that had not been there when they were kids.

Five’s breaths started to come out quicker and quicker. The panic he felt then, the confusion and anger had exploded out of him in a fit of screams and tears. What happened in the time he missed? How fucked up did their lives really go?

“Five, help me out!” Five’s heart was beating too fast, his hand came up to his chest and he clutched at his sweatshirt, doing his best to hold it in. He remembered Allison’s hands and how they clutched at the ground below her. When he finally got her out he found the back of her head caved in. He wondered if she fell and in her last moments, dug her hands in and watched the world be destroyed around her.

“Shit, I can’t get him,” A larger chunk of the wall moved just enough for the whole arm to fall out of where it had been. Another strangled cry came out of Five as Klaus’s wrist with his umbrella tattoo on full display, flashed across his mind. That moment when he learned that his family was dead, that there was no hope in him finding them in this smothering city, had probably been the defining moment of his life.

“Five? Shit, Five!” He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t feel anything but despair that rolled through him, wave after wave. He remembered sitting next to Klaus’s body for possibly hours, feeling just as numb as he did now, and traced the letters of the tattoo’s on Klaus’s hands.

_Hello. Goodbye._

“Five!” Five briefly felt a tapping on his cheek and then, he felt nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pogo has been found! The second half will be posted soon! Please let me know what you think!!!


	10. And I can't leave you much, just this glitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised! Here is the "second half" of that last chapter. I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> Title from the song Glitter by 070 Shake

The car ride back to Allison’s was just as quiet as the ride out to the city. Five passed out for less than a minute, but it had been enough time for Diego to shove Five into the car and drive off as if his life was in danger. Diego’s white knuckles only relaxed when Five’s voice no longer shook when he insisted that he was okay. 

When they finally came to a stop in front of the house, neither of them moved. They both agreed Pogo needed to be extracted before the city came to clean up the mess and find him. To do that they needed Luther since what was pinning him down was too heavy for the two of them. Five snuck a look at Diego. Loss was etched all over his brother's face. Even though they had known Pogo was dead, finding him was yet another blow. It was also a reminder that they hadn’t found Grace. In the backseat though, was the box with her needlepoint, so at least Diego had taken that.

With a squeak from the door that Diego flung open, he got out of the car and not even looking back at Five, headed towards the house. Five got out more carefully, his body was still humming with the after-effects of his panic attack, but the shaking had stopped.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell the others about that.” Five called out to Diego. “Seeing how I’m fine now, they don’t need to know.” The quicker that incident, and last night, were forgotten about the better. Five wasted too much time after finding out about Delores letting his emotions get the better of him. There was still the Commission to worry about. Four days of silence from them was not a good sign. They had to be planning something big. Five couldn’t let his family get distracted for something as insignificant as a panic attack.

Judging by the way Diego’s shoulder’s tensed as he stood at the top of the porch, Five could tell he wouldn’t be keeping this between them. When he turned around Diego’s face was twisted in anger.

“You are not _fine_ ,” Diego said, his words coming out short and sharp. “That was _not_ fine,” Diego came down the steps now, his arms gestured widely to the road they had just driven down. “Nothing about that was fine!” He was almost shouting now and Five could see not just anger on his face, but fear as well.

“Well neither was finding Pogo’s body,” Five pointed out. “Since I don’t think I’ll be doing that again, it’s safe to assume that I’m-”

“No,” Diego interrupted him. “You are not doing this. You don’t get to pass out in my arms and tell me you’re fine. No more rationalizing away any more lies to us. You are telling them how bad this is so we can help you.” Diego’s eyes were wide and shining with tears that Five didn’t want to believe were there. His resolve to push this under the rug was wavering, and his desire to make things better with his family was growing.

“I don’t need-” Five’s words were softer, he didn’t even believe himself.

“Look around Five!” Diego shouted. “We’re all we have.” Diego gave him one last hard look, going inside the house. Five stood still for a moment, his own words thrown back in his face leaving him more stunned than he would have liked. _Fuck._ Diego was right. He couldn’t go on pretending he was fine. With a sigh, he followed Diego inside.

“What are you doing back so soon?” Luther asked, coming out of Vanya’s room. He looked worriedly between them both and Five leaned back against the door, exhaustion suddenly settling in. Diego rubbed his eyes, taking a shuttering breath and turned to Five.

“Go sit down,” 

“Go sit down?” Five asked incredulously, “I am-”

“If you tell me how old you are one more time I am-” Diego said through clenched teeth moved to stand over Five. “Go sit the fuck down and relax.” Beside him, Luther’s eyebrows shot up, and when Five begrudgingly pushed himself off the wall and went to the bench in the hallway, his mouth dropped.

“What happened?” Luther asked, sounding even more worried now. 

“We found Pogo,” Diego said, his tone oddly gentle. “He’s buried under a lot though, we’re gonna need your help.” Five heard Luther gasp and start to say something but Five didn’t catch it. He stared into the room at Vanya sleeping on the bed and completely tuned their voices out.

Four days and Vanya still hadn’t woken up. Four days and he still had no idea what the Commission was planning to do. Four days and they were no safer than they were at the start of all this. Four days and all Five had was more questions than answers. Not just about the Commission either. There was no way there weren’t more of Reginald’s secrets still stowed away. If only Five had been better, the Academy wouldn’t have been destroyed and Grace and Pogo would be here to answer his questions. Five had dedicated his entire life to saving his family and right now, at this moment, he felt like a failure.

Heavy footsteps interrupted his thoughts and he looked up to see Luther standing over him,

“Diego is going to tell Allison and Klaus about Pogo,” he said, sitting down next to him on the bench. Luther shifted around for a moment, crossing and uncrossing his ankles. The bench was too short for his frame but after a moment he situated himself enough that he settled back. “We were thinking it would probably be a good idea to get him later this afternoon. Wait for a time with less light and street traffic.” Keeping Pogo out of sight was a priority they were all accustomed to. Luther looked to Five expectantly and Five gave him an affirmative nod before resting his head back against the wall.

“Are you okay?” Five wasn’t. He couldn’t remember a time when he was. He could remember some nights with Delores, the rare nights in the summer when the sky would almost seem clear and he would pretend he could see the stars again. Maybe he felt okay then, maybe he was happy. Turning to look at Luther’s earnest face looking back at him, for once Five decided to tell the truth.

“No,” Relief seemed to pass over Luther’s face.“I should have saved Mom and Pogo,” the word _Mom_ was out before he could stop it, but thankfully Luther didn't comment on it. Instead, he leaned closer to him, calm and strong next to him in ways that he was sure Luther tried to be and always failed.

“You saved the world Five,” he reminded him gently. “You’ve banded this family together better than I ever could have. They would have been proud.” Luther smiled at him, and Five felt a rush of affection go through and he smiled back. He wasn’t sure how much better he felt, but at that moment he loved Luther for trying.

Neither spoke, instead they leaned back against the wall in comfortable silence for a few more minutes until Diego and Allison came thundering down the stairs. Allison had tears running down her face, she looked exhausted and Diego had his arm around her. Luther jumped up and quickly went to her side. Five watched the three of them for a moment, huddled together by the front door as more plans were being made of what to do with Pogo’s body, but Five wasn’t interested in that.

Five walked past them and went up the stairs. He went straight to the office where he found Klaus sitting on the foldout couch, his legs tucked under him, knitting more proficiently than he’d seen him before. He even had a small patch of purple yarn knitted together in a cohesive shape. Five didn’t say anything for a moment, just watched Klaus’s serious face for a moment. 

Eventually, Klaus looked up, maybe promoted by Ben, but he didn’t say a word. Just stopped knitting and looked to Five expectantly. For his part, Five had no idea what he wanted to say. So he just opened his mouth and began to speak.

“So basically I’m feeling like a worthless shit,” he started. “I think you were right about me. I don’t know what to do without an apocalypse to prepare for. I’ve spent my whole life trying to stop this one thing and I think I did, but I’ve screwed so much up along the way, then who’s to say I haven’t screwed that up either. My lifelong dream of coming back here and saving you all nearly didn’t happen because I don’t know how to be around anyone anymore, I don’t know how to let you guys help. I don’t know how to be...here.” Klaus stayed silent during all of that word vomit, the knitting needles dropped into his lap, and his green eyes seemed to peer into Five from across the room. For a moment, he looked confused.

“This is me trying,” Five clarified stepping into the room. “To get my feelings out a little before I blow up at someone and maybe pass along that pain.” Five was taking his own advice and from the slow smile that spread across Klaus’s face, he understood. Five hoped though he wouldn’t point out that _Klaus_ was the one he chose to go to. There was only so much emotional stuff he could handle talking about.

Still not saying anything, Klaus patted the bed next to him and Five wordlessly accepted the invitation. Sitting down next to him, Klaus tossed the ball of purple yarn into his lap and held up what he was working on for Five to see.

“Allison helped,” he said, showing off what he was making. So far it was just a small purple square. Some rows were done perfectly and others weren’t so great but it didn’t look too bad. “I’m getting better though,” Klaus said with a proud smile. Five nodded.

“It’s not horrible,” Klaus’s face lit up with the praise.

“Aww, a compliment!” he cooed. “That must have been so hard for you.” Klaus nudged him with his shoulder and Five snorted.

“Shut up,” he said rolling his eyes and Klaus giggled 

“I’m making it for Diego,” Klaus said, smoothing out the edges a little. “I think it's a scarf, but I’d like it to be a shawl. Whatever it will be, there will be lots of color in it.” Five shook his head, Klaus’s quest to put color in Diego’s wardrobe was a go it seemed.

“I’m sure he’s gonna love that,” Klaus nodded with a smirk and they got quiet for a few moments while Klaus knit another row. When the row was done, Klaus set the needles back down. Five looked over curiously, the ball of yarn rolling in his hands, and Klaus squinted at him thoughtfully.

“You know you’re not a worthless shit, right?” The question surprised Five. Even more surprising, when he saw the look of sincerity on Klaus’s face, for the first time he didn’t feel the need to run from it.

“I know,” Five said and he smiled at the happiness going across Klaus’s face.“Do you?” Klaus blinked, clearly not expecting the question to be turned back on him. Five needed to know though, after the things he’d said last night, he needed to make sure Klaus was okay.

“Yeah,” Klaus said after a slight hesitation, the smile slowly coming back to his face. Then he held up the small purple square. “Do you want me to teach you?” Five scoffed and took the needles from his hands.

“I know how to knit,” he tossed Klaus the ball of yarn.

“Oh my god,” Klaus said slowly. “Did you have to make your own clothes? That’s really sad but also kind of adorable.”

“I didn’t make my own clothes,” Five frowned. “I just had a lot of time on my hands.” 

“Oh,” Klaus said, looking relieved and disappointed at the same time. “That’s good, hobbies are important.” Five nodded and wound the yarn around the needle as Klaus started to play with the ball of yarn.

“I did make a scarf for Dolores once,” For a second, Five was sure he thought that and there was no way he could have said that out loud. He slowly turned to Klaus, expecting to see the same pitying look when Delores was brought up, but Klaus just smiled at him.

“I bet it looked fabulous on her,” Five smiled, and just for a moment, he felt okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near and I have this fantasy that I will get the last 3 chapters out during these last 3 weeks before the new season starts. I will work to that goal but make no promises! I am very excited about the ending of this because it will be fully setting off the sequel that is much more action-packed I suppose. It's obviously not going to follow whatever will happen in season 2 and will be moving into major AU territory. I hope everyone will be on board with where this is going because I think it's gonna be a lot of fun!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Feedback is always helpful!!


	11. I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been excited about this chapter. 
> 
> Chapter title from the song Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi

_“Where are we going Pogo?”_

_“Someplace very special.” Pogo smiled at the two small children at his side. His eyes bright in the dim light of the elevator that closed with a loud metallic bang. “Your father has a game for you to play.” Number Five stood up a little straighter with pride, but beside him, Number Four shrank back._

_“Are we going to play with Seven?” Five asked hopefully. They hadn’t seen their sister for a week and Five missed her. Four reached out and slipped his cold hand into Five’s, looking up at Pogo curiously._

_“Unfortunately, Number Seven is still too sick,” Pogo said with a heavy sigh. “But I will tell her you are all thinking of her. I’m sure that will lift her spirits.” Five nodded, trying not to show his disappointment. He had hoped that’s where they were going, he was starting to get scared Seven would never come back_

_“Number Four, would you like to push the button?” Four’s eyes lit up and he rushed forward, keeping his hand firmly locked with Five’s, he eagerly pushed the button Pogo pointed out for him._

_“Can Six play with us too?” Four asked, settling himself back at Five’s side._

_“I’m afraid he can’t,” Pogo said and the elevator gave a lurch as it started it’s plunge down._

_“Why not?_

_“This game is just for you two.”_

_“Why?” Five rolled his eyes. Why was Four’s favorite question._

_“Because you two are very special.” Pogo said, smiling warmly. “It’s because-”_

Five jolted out of his sleep. 

He could still hear the hum of the elevator and smell the stale air. He could still hear Pogo’s voice. _Because you two are very special._ Five looked down at his hand as he panted to catch his breath. He could still feel Klaus’s hand in his own. Five racked his brain to try to remember any of this, but it was over fifty years ago. Why was he remembering this now

Five ran his hand through his sweat, drenched hair and looked around. He was alone in the office, the room bathed in soft golden light as the sun was starting to set. Five had fallen asleep hours ago after knitting with Klaus. He could hear the voices of his siblings talking downstairs. They were probably getting ready to retrieve Pogo. 

Five stood up and grimaced at the ache that went through him and the way his clothes stuck uncomfortably around his body. He stretched, feeling more groggy than refreshed from the nap, but at least he had gotten some sleep. He rubbed his eyes, hoping to scrub the dream, the _memory_ , away. 

“You’re bringing him back here?” Klaus’s voice drifted up the stairs as Five made his way down.

“Where else could we take him?” Luther asked. They were all gathered by the front door. Luther and Diego looked ready to leave while Klaus and Allison hovered in the doorway to Vanya’s room. 

“What are we going to do with him?” Klaus asked, shifting uncomfortably and leaned heavily back against the doorframe. Klaus spotted Five as he stepped down the last step and he put a quick smile on his face. “Hey buddy, did you have a good nap?” Five blinked and Klaus’s young, eager face about to push a button flashed in front of him for a second. 

“Uh...sure,” The others looked over at him and Five clenched his jaw. They all had that look of pity and worry that he had been trying this whole time to avoid. He glared at Diego, who must have stayed true to his word and told everyone what had happened earlier. Diego glared back.

“We’ll think of what to do with him after we get him out from under there,” Diego said, turning away from Five and opened the door. “Let’s deal with one thing at a time.” He and Luther started to leave but a loud tapping sound stopped them.

Allison’s pen rapped against the doorframe until she had all of their attention. Then she held up her notepad.

_“We’ll bury him here”_

“Here?” Klaus asked, his arm wrapping around his stomach. “Is that allowed?” Allison frowned and scribbled onto her pad.

 _“My house. He’s family.”_ With one last hard look at her brothers, Allison went back into Vanya’s room.

“I guess we’re burying him here,” Luther said looking at the three of them. 

“Oh yay,” Klaus chirped, clapping his hands together lightly. “Another funeral.”

***************************************

A few hours later, Five shoved the papers in front of him aside. He was getting nowhere and he was officially out of paper. Not wanting to break his promise to Allison, Five stood from the desk and started pacing around the room. He could see the numbers in his head, maybe if he just concentrated enough he could work this out without writing on the walls. 

He needed to get to the 1950s where the Commission had their base. Traveling back in time had definitely proven to be more difficult than going forwards and if he wanted to take his siblings along, things only got more complicated. It didn’t help that every time Five felt like he had a grasp at what he needed the clang of the elevator door would interrupt his thoughts.

“Shit,” he muttered to himself and sank back down into the chair. Luther and Diego would be back soon. Once they were done dealing with Pogo’s body, he could find himself more materials to work with and hopefully will have cleared his head. He swiveled around in the chair, stopping when his foot bumped into one of the boxes Diego had brought back from the Academy. 

It was filled with the many journals Reginald kept over the years and right on top was the last one Five had found. The one from 1994. Five felt his stomach sink as he gingerly picked it up. He looked up sharply at the door, a sudden need to check he was really alone. Then he opened the cover again to see what it said.

_Day One: Number Four and Five joint sessions to begin testing the biological connection-”_

Five slammed the book shut.

He shut his eyes tightly and swallowed down the bile suddenly rising in the back of his throat. _Biological connection._ He didn’t want to know anything more. He looked at the red notebook in his hand and threw it back in the box. _Because you two are very special._ Five shook his head and straightened out his sweatshirt. He did not have the time to think about _this_ of all things. He had to make sure his family was safe before he could delve into more of Reginald’s lies and secrets. Whatever experiments he and Klaus had gone through for whatever reason, were going to have to wait.

Five pushed the boxes of notebooks under the desk and out of sight. He took a deep breath and then went downstairs to see if Luther and Diego had returned. Suddenly dealing with Pogo’s body didn’t seem as stressful.

There was still no sign of Luther and Diego. It was dark now, the evening quickly turning into night. Five found Allison sitting in her normal spot at Vanya’s bedside and Klaus sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. The dream was still screaming in his head and he looked over his brother differently than he had before. He took in the dark hair, the green eyes, the sharp facial features. Things Five never really thought about, but were things the two of them shared.

“Hey Five,” Five just stared at Klaus for a few seconds, his brain barely registering he had even spoken. Klaus furrowed his brow, looking concerned and Five snapped himself out of his daze.

“Hello,” he said quickly and took the seat next to Allison. Klaus raised an eyebrow and Five could feel even Allison’s eyes on him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and cleared his throat.

“Have we heard anything from Luther or Diego?” he asked. Allison gave him a long look before shaking her head. Five sighed, settling back in the chair and Allison turned back to Vanya. 

“Are we sure bringing Pogo back here is the smartest idea?” Klaus asked, pulling his knees up to his chest. “I mean, I feel like there are laws about burying your monkey-butler-uncle kind of guy in your backyard.” Five frowned at the tremble he saw in Klaus’s hands.

“There isn’t really a funeral home to call for something like this,” he pointed out. 

“Cute,” Klaus smirked. “It just feels really weird to bury him in the backyard like he’s the family pet or something.” Klaus dragged his fingers up and down his legs a few times and looked away from them. Allison frowned and then scribbled on her pad. She tapped it a few times to get his attention, then held it up for Klaus.

_“Pogo’s ghost?”_

“Oh no, he’s not here,” Klaus said quickly. “I don’t know where he is. Maybe he’ll show up once his body is dragged back here and we bury him in a shoebox in the backyard like a hamster-”

“Klaus,” Five stopped him and Klaus flinched.

“Geez, both of you in stereo,” he griped, glaring at the stop next to him. “Okay, okay, Ben and I are going to breathe.” Klaus turned away from them and just as he said, started taking deep breaths while nodding along to whatever Ben was saying to him. Five watched them for a moment, glad that Ben was there because there was no way he could handle Klaus spinning out right now. 

With Klaus managed, Allison’s attention was back on Vanya. She stroked Vanya’s hair in a way that reminded Five of Grace. It was still strange to him to think of one of his siblings actually being a parent. They had barely been parented themselves. And even though Allison technically didn’t have custody over her child at the moment, the soft look on her face now told Five everything he needed to know about his sisters’ true capabilities in the subject that alluded him so well.

Allison’s hand on his shoulder made him jump slightly, his sister's eyes turned apologetic and she held up her notepad.

 _“What happens when she wakes up?”_ Five hesitated. He thought back to the conversation he had with Diego the other night. She could still cause the apocalypse, they might not be out of the woods just yet. He didn’t want to say this to Allison though, he wanted her to have hope.

“We’re going to help her,” he said firmly, sitting forward in his chair. “We’ll train her and she’ll learn to control her powers.” Allison didn’t look satisfied with his answer and wrote another message on her pad.

_“What if she’s the same?”_

“You mean if she starts the apocalypse all over again?” Allison nodded. Five glanced over at Klaus who was watching them, his eyes wide.

“We’ll do whatever we can to stop her.” Allison narrowed her eyes and then furiously wrote on her pad.

 _“Will you kill her?”_ Five hoped this question could have been avoided. How was he supposed to answer it? Are they really going to let the entire world be destroyed? Does he really have to kill his sister, even after all this? Five looked down at Vanya, who almost looked peaceful right now in her sleep and then reached over and squeezed her hand.

"Our goal needs to be to avoid that situation,” Five finally said. “But, it’s everyone on the planet that would die if we can’t stop her.” He didn’t want to say it, he refused to play with his sister’s emotions like that, but he implied it. _Claire_ will die if the world ends. Allison only shook her head and held up her notepad.

 _“She’s our sister,”_ The same thing she’d said at the bowling alley. The thing she had basically the entire week. 

“I know,” Five nodded, the weight of that fact heavier on him now more than ever. He looked to Klaus again who had moved so he was right by the bed. Klaus’s eyes were wide and full of tears that hadn’t fallen and Five felt even worse. “But it’s everybody, including Vanya.” Klaus ducked his head away, picking at the comforter with his finger but Allison continued to shake her head.

 _“We’re not killing her.”_

“We’re going to try to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Five insisted and Allison suddenly hit the bed out of frustration. Klaus backed up a little and looked worriedly at Five. Allison’s hand curled tightly around her marker for a moment and then she wrote something else.

 _“She’s_ _my_ _sister”_ It felt like a punch in the gut and Five reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know,” he said softly. Allison brought her hand up to her face as tears began to fall. Her other hand fisted around her notepad and she flung it across the room before burying her face in her hands as her shoulders shook with a silent sob. 

“Oh, Allie,” Klaus rushed over and wrapped his arms around their sister as Allison laid her head on his shoulder. Despite the chill that went through his spine when he looked at Klaus after that dream, Five was grateful he was here. Klaus was probably the most empathetic member of their family and at the moment, Five felt too ill equipped to handle Allsion’s emotions.

It wasn’t like he’d never seen Allison cry. Growing up, Allison used tears to get her way almost as much as her rumors. She cried when they got their tattoos, and at the end of difficult training sessions. He’d pass her room after a hard mission and she’d be face down on her bed sobbing with Grace rubbing her back. But Five had never seen her cry like this.

Her body was shaking and she buried her face in the crook of Klaus’s neck. She looked to be in more pain than she had been in just hours after her injury. Five looked at Vanya’s still form on the bed and wondered if she could ever understand just how much Allison loved her. 

“Hey guys, we-” Luther froze when he stepped into the room. “Allison?” He looked helplessly to Five and Klaus, but neither of them said anything. Five sunk back into his chair, he felt completely done. 

“It’s okay,” Klaus murmured softly as he stroked her hair.

“Is she..?” Luther looked frantically at Vanya and once he saw her still breathing, he took a step forward and looked down at his feet.

“What’s going on?” Diego asked, coming into the room. Next to him, Luther picked up Allison’s notepad and flipped through the last few pages.

“Allison, no-” Luther threw the pad down onto the bed and kneeled down next to them. “Allison, I swear to you, we are _not_ going to kill Vanya.” Allison turned her tear-streaked face to Luther and Five could see the disbelief in her eyes.

“No, Allison, I-I know I screwed up,” Luther said, his eyes pleading with hers. “I wish I could change what happened, but I can’t. But I promise you-” Luther turned his head to look at the rest of them. “I promise _all_ of you, killing Vanya is off the table. If there isn’t another way then we make one.” Luther stood up, smoothing down his coat, and turned to all of them.

“I mean that,” he said. “From now on, this family comes first. We find a way to get out of this together, that’s the only option. Is that something we can all agree on?” Around him, the others all nodded, including Diego who almost impressed. Five looked at Vanya and found himself nodding as well. 

“Ben?” Luther asked, turning to Klaus.

“He’s onboard,” he said, smiling at Luther almost proudly.

“Good,” Luther said. “Now let’s take care of Pogo.” The others wordlessly left to the room and Five gave Vanya one last look before he followed out the door.

***************************************

Instead of umbrella’s, the five of them held flashlights at this funeral. Allison turned her porch lights on, but the spot where they buried Pogo was further back and didn’t get much light. There was a brief talk about waiting until morning, but no one liked the thought of Pogo’s body, wrapped up in a blanket, sitting out on the porch all night. Ben offered to stay with Vanya and alert Klaus if she woke up. So Allison and Klaus searched the house, and Diego’s trunk, for flashlights while Luther and Diego dug the hole. 

They all stood around the freshly filled hole and no one said anything for a long time. For some of them, mainly Vanya, Pogo had been a source of comfort and stability. Luther had been correct when he said Pogo was the one person they all trusted. Five admired him for his intelligence and as a child enjoyed a good debate with him. Five was sorry he couldn’t have saved him, but he mourned Pogo long ago and he knew he could move on from that loss.

“Well, I guess someone should say something,” Luther said, clearing his throat. 

“Really?” Diego asked, giving Luther a look.

“I’ll be quick and hopefully not offensive,” Beside him, Allison hid a smile behind her hand and Klaus reached over and patted Luther on his back encouragingly. 

“Fine,” Diego rolled his eyes. Luther smiled and then looked back down at Pogo’s grave.

“I don’t know exactly how to feel about Pogo,” Luther started. “I’m still so angry and betrayed by the lies and secrets he kept from us our whole lives.” Anger flashed across Luther’s face and Five let out a sigh. So much could have been avoided if Pogo had just told them about Vanya, or told Luther the truth about his mission on the moon. Glancing at Klaus across from him, Five wondered about what other secrets Pogo had kept.

“But he was there for us our whole lives,” Luther continued. “And in his last moments, he made sure Allison and I could get out safely, so I’m grateful for that.” Allison nodded, reaching over she gave Luther’s arm a squeeze and smiled at him. Luther smiled back then turned his attention to Diego.

“And about Mom,” he said. Diego looked at him sharply, his body tensing like he was waiting for a fight. “I’m sorry that we couldn’t find her so we could have that closure with her like this. And have a place where we can come back to her.” He gestured to the grave. Diego began to relax, his eyes softening and Klaus reached over and put a hand on his shoulder.

“But she’s a part of us too,” Luther said, looking at all of them. “Any shed of humanity we have inside us is all because of her.” He held Diego’s gaze for a moment, and to Five’s surprise, Diego nodded then reached out and gave Luther’s hand a brief squeeze. Luther smiled, his gaze found Five and he raised his eyebrows in question a bit. Five smiled and nodded his way. Five had told Luther to do better and he was.

“Look, I know Dad was a monster and I’m not defending him anymore,” Luther went on. “But I know our childhood wasn’t complete shit. I know there were good times and in a messed up way we have Dad to thank for at least making all of us family.” Allison smiled and Klaus walked over and threw his arms around Luther’s side.

“Oh, I love you too, big guy,” Luther laughed and gingerly hugged him back. Five shook his head, a part of him wanting to be annoyed at this family moment, and another part couldn’t help to think back to times when their lives didn’t suck.

_It was midnight when the snow finally stopped falling. The night was crisp and the moon was full and so bright that Five squinted when he looked at it. The streets were empty as he and his siblings made their way home after another successful night of sneaking out on their own._

_“This was a bad idea,”_

_“Oh boy,” Diego groaned, throwing his head back. “Here he goes.” Luther glared at him, pulling his coat tighter around himself in almost a huff._

_“Griddy’s is never a bad idea,” Allison said, quickly making her way to Luther’s side. “Come on, let’s walk through the park.” She tugged at Luther’s arm, trying to pull him away from the sidewalk they were walking down and instead to the empty park they were passing._

_“If we go through the park it will take us twice as long to get home,” Luther said, clearly uncomfortable._

_“Jesus Luther,” Diego said. “You don’t always have to be such a s-suck up all the t-time.” Luther spun around but before he could say anything, Allison took his hand._

_“Please,” She batted her eyes at him, the thing that worked almost as well as her rumors on Luther, and he sighed._

_“Alright,” With a delighted squeal, Allison pulled Luther along as she ran off into the park. Beside him, Diego threw an arm around Ben’s shoulder and the two of them laughed, making kissy noises as they quickly followed the other two._

_Five snorted and looked at Vanya walking next to him and she was giggling at their brother's antics. Five was glad she’d come along. He had to talk her into coming along, she was sure the others didn’t want her to come with them. Five insisted though and said he didn’t care what the others thought, Vanya, deserved doughnuts too._

_“Oh...oh god…” Behind them, Klaus was doubled over, his breath coming out in large puffs as he moaned._

_“You okay Klaus?” Vanya asked, turning to him, amused more than concerned._

_“Oh, Vanya, Darling,” Klaus said dramatically with his hands braced on his knees. “This is it, this is the end. I’m not going to make it home, leave me, save yourself!”_

_“Okay,” Five said, turning away. “See ya later Klaus.” Klaus gasped and Vanya grabbed Five’s arm, stopping him from walking away_

_“Do you feel like you’re going to throw up again?” Vanya asked. Klaus just pouted, looking pretty green and Vanya started to rub his back._

_“You were the only one to puke tonight,” Five pointed out, smiling mischievously. “Not even Ben puked, you’re gonna have to work on that, buddy.” Klaus rolled his eyes, his arms wrapping around his stomach._

_“I’m never eating again,” he vowed. “I know it’s important, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel hungry again.”_

_“Mom said she was making waffles for breakfast,” Vanya said brightly. That perked Klaus up._

_“Waffles?” he said, a smile spreading across his face. “What time is it?” Vanya laughed and from behind them in the park, Allison and Luther shrieked. Behind them in the park, Diego and Ben snuck up behind Allison and Luther as they walked and pelted them with snowballs._

_“Diego! Ben!” Allison yelled. “Get back here!” She and Luther began throwing snowballs back and laughter erupted from the park._

_“Yes!” Klaus exclaimed, his nausea forgotten, he ran into the park, gathering snow in his hands as he ran. “Diego! Wait for me!” Five snorted and started to follow when he noticed Vanya hanging back._

_“Hey,” he said, turning around. “You coming?” Vanya hesitated, she looked nervously at her siblings and Five could see the doubt on her face._

_“I don’t think they’d want-”_

_“Five! Vanya!” Diego’s shout interrupted her. “Get over here!” Vanya smiled, almost like she didn’t believe it and then grabbed Five’s arm and pulled him along. Soon all seven of them were throwing snowballs at each other, no real teams or sides were settled on. Just them together, having a good time._

_When they made it home, hours later, Pogo pretended he didn’t see them. In the morning, Grace took their wet clothes and never said a word to Reginald._

“Uh guys,” Klaus’s voice pulled Five from his thoughts and he looked to see Klaus stumbling back towards the house. “Vanya’s waking up!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Vanya's awake!! (and hints to future plotlines) I've been weirdly nervous about this chapter so I hope you guys like it!! I am committing to getting this finished before season 2, so expect the last two chapters to come out quickly!! Feel free to follow me on Tumblr @under_the_shady_tree where I am weird and random. Let me know what you think!! Thanks!


	12. Moon dances over your good side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind words and kudos, you guys are amazing. This had been, at times, a difficult process writing this. For reasons that are boring and personal, but the support has been so sweet and genuine that it's really boosted my confidence and reignited my passion for writing and my excitement for where this series is going to go. So thank you guys so much!!!
> 
> Chapter title from the song Two Ghosts by Harry Styles

The first thing Vanya did when she woke up was scream. Before they even made it into the room, the air seemed to vibrate with the force of the shriek that was coming out of their sister. She was sitting straight up in the bed, her hands pulling on her hair as she cried, and for a moment her eyes were white.

Right then, Five’s entire world came to a halt. Every fear he’d had, every worst-case scenario seemed to be coming true. The walls started to shake slightly and the floorboards rattled under their feet. The room seemed to be getting hotter, Five felt a burning on his skin, and everything was getting brighter. It reminded Five of the night at the theatre, hung in the air above the stage, with Vanya’s power coursing through his body making him feel every failure to an excruciating level. Everyone looked at him at that moment, but Five had no idea what to do.

Just as it seemed she was going to keep going and take down the entire house, her screams turned into cries and she collapsed onto the bed, curling into herself sobbing.

“No, no, no, no,” Soft moans came out of her as the air around them seemed to clear. The house stopped shaking and Five finally felt things go back into motion.

“Vanya?” Klaus was the first one to speak, but Allison was the first one to move. When Vanya didn’t react to Klaus, Allison rushed forward. Diego, not Luther surprisingly, reached out an arm to stop her but she pushed him off and sat on the bed next to Vanya.

“No, no, no,” Vanya continued to sob. Allison, tears falling down her own face, reached out for her, the whole time her lips mouthed _Vanya._ When Allison took her arm, Vanya cried out, jolting herself back into a seated position, and for a moment she tried to fight off what had grabbed her. Diego and Klaus both took a step forward in some effort to help, but Allison glared at them and they quickly backed off.

Allison stayed still, her hand resting loosely on Vanya’s arm, and waited as Vanya’s ragged breathing slowly returned to an almost normal pace and she lifted her head and came face to face with Allison.

“A-Allison?” Her eyes, no longer white, stared wide as she took in Allison in front of her. She brought her shaking hand up and her fingers hovered over the bandage on Allison’s neck. A fresh batch of tears welled up in her eyes and her hand went over her mouth. “Oh god, no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m so-” Allison pulled her forward, wrapping her arms protectively around her and held her close with her hand running through her hair. Vanya’s arms tightened around Allison and for a few minutes, no one moved or spoke, they just let their sisters be.

Once it seemed like Vanya was again calmed, Five stepped forward, looking briefly back at the stricken looks on his brother’s faces.

“Vanya?” he said as gently as he could. Vanya’s bloodshot eyes met his and she looked just as surprised to see him as when he literally fell from the sky.

“Five?” He nodded and walked closer to the bed.

“Do you remember what happened?” A kaleidoscope of emotions fluttered across Vanya’s face none of which Five could decipher. Her eyes widened for a moment like everything was clear, then she shut her eyes and brought her hand to her face.

“I don’t-everything is fuzzy,” she stammered and Allison smoothed out her hair and rubbed her back. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Five asked, hoping to get some idea of how aware Vanya had been about her actions. Vanya pulled out of Allison’s embrace but held tightly onto her hand. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked back to Five.

“I don’t-I,” Her voice was rough and she tugged at her hair as she seemed to rack her brain. “I think-Leonard!” Panic swept over her expression and Allison put her arm firmly around her. 

“Leonard,” Vanya said more clearly. “He had one of dad’s journals, all about me. My powers. He told me that you guys would-I wanted to leave and he-I think-Oh god…” Allison pulled her closer and gave Five a sharp look. Five nodded, frowning a bit to himself wondering about the journal. He turned to Diego, who was still staring at Vanya in shock.

“Your cop friend from the other day,” Diego blinked before focusing on Five.

“Beeman?” he asked. 

“Harold Jenkins’s house should still be considered a crime scene right?” On the bed, Vanya sobbed loudly and turned her face into Allison’s shoulder. “Could you ask him about a journal?” Five had only looked through a few of the ones they found, but if Vanya was sure this journal was focused on her powers, they needed to get this journal.

“He might not know anything about it,” Diego said. “But if it’s not in evidence then it’s still in the house.” Five nodded, that would be preferable.

“Allison?” Vanya was pulling back from Allison again, looking up at her with horror. Five could see the cold realization wash over her. Allison had yet to make a sound. “Your voice?” Allison looked heartbroken, her mouth opened and nothing came out only proving what Vanya was starting to understand.

“Oh my god no,” Vanya pulled herself away, her face going even paler. “I’m sorry Allison, I’m so sorry!” Allison pushed herself forward, closing the slight distance between them, and took Vanya’s hand firmly.

“Not your fault,” She slowly mouthed, making sure Vanya knew what she was saying.

“But your voice,” She said. “What about-”

“Vanya, it’s alright,” Diego said stepping forward. Vanya looked as surprised by him speaking to her as Five felt. Diego came to the end of the bed, concern all over his face and nodded to her. “Allison is going to be fine, Mom said she has a good chance of a full recovery.” Allison smiled gratefully at Diego and Vanya seemed to relax, but only for a second.

“Mom?” She asked. “But I thought-the ones who attacked the academy.” Vanya hadn’t even known Grace had been repaired during the week. Now Diego looked guilty and turned to Five for some kind of explanation.

“There’s a lot we need to talk about,” Five said, coming closer to the bed. “And we’ll explain everything, but do you remember anything about being at the Icarus theatre?” Vanya again just stared at him blankly. Five searched for any hint that she knew what had happened. There was recognition in her eyes, and Five couldn’t tell if Vanya remembered being an unwilling participant to her overwhelming powers or it had been _her_ all along.

“I don’t think-It’s all really fuzzy,” she covered her face with her hands and Klaus walked up to the bed.

“Hey it’s okay,” he said gently. “Maybe you’ll remember more once you get a glass of water.” Behind all of them, still standing at the door, Luther stumbled off to the kitchen.

“I’ll get that!” he called as he disappeared. Vanya had again sunk into Allison’s side, her face obscured by her hair.

“Ben says he’s happy you’re awake,” Klaus said, squatting down on the floor in front of her. “He’s been really worried about you.” Vanya looked to the others, more than to Klaus. A cautious hopefulness on her face.

“Ben?” she whispered.

“It’s true,” Five said and tears filled Vanya’s eyes. “Do you remember seeing Ben at the theater?” Vanya looked away from him, her eyes again hidden by her hair. Five took a step back and saw Klaus looking at him, a grim expression on his face.

“Vanya,” Luther said, fumbling into the room almost dropping the glass of water in the process. “Here, drink this slowly,” Vanya took it from him, her hands shook as she brought the glass to her lips and slowly began to drink. Allison rubbed her back and Diego and Klaus both stepped away to give her more room. Luther stayed where he was, his hands balling into fists and he shifted uncomfortably in his spot.

“Vanya?” he practically whispered. Vanya glanced up. She almost seemed confused by the look of regret on Luther’s face “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I did that-if I could take it back-Vanya, I’m sorry.” No one moved or breathed as Luther slowly went down to his knees in front of her, tears flowing down his face.

When he finally looked up at her, Five watched as Vanya took in the agony on his face. Five knew how desperately Luther wanted Vanya to forgive him, how badly he felt for what happened, but Five wondered how long it was going to take. Five would understand if Vanya needed time to forgive him, he had used his strength to hurt her, even when they were training as kids Luther wasn’t supposed to do that. 

Vanya set her glass aside, her eyes never leaving Luther’s face. He was looking up at her for once, having lowered himself so he was almost lying on the side of the bed now. Next to Vanya, Allison took Vanya’s hand, her eyes full of compassion for Luther, but ready to support Vanya in whatever she chose to do. Vanya looked back at her, her eyes settled on the bandage on Allison’s neck for a moment before she turned back to Luther.

“I know,” she whispered. Luther’s eyes widened and he lifted his head. “I _know,_ ” she repeated then reached out and took his hand. Five spotted Diego and Klaus slip out of the room, clearly wanting to give them some privacy and Five quickly followed.

At the door, he looked back. Luther sat on the side of the bed now. Allison had her arms around both he and Vanya. Five felt his chest tighten and felt almost ready to cry along with Luther. Five was sure it wasn't going to be this easy. Vanya forgiving him at this moment didn't mean there wasn't a lot of work to build back up the trust that must have been broken, but it was a start. It was also the first moment since he’d been back that he was reminded of the Vanya that he knew. The sweet, kind, and ever-patient sister that he found solace in. Her act of forgiveness almost proved to him that she was still in there.

**************************

“I caused the apocalypse,” Vanya said for the hundredth time.

“No,” Five said firmly. “We stopped it from happening.” Vanya spun on her heels and frowned at him.

“I was _going_ to cause the apocalypse.” She clarified and started pacing again. 

It had been a long night. They had to explain everything to Vanya slowly, stopping when she would become overwhelmed and waiting for her to calm herself down again. She explained what happened with Harold. How he had manipulated her and had begun training her. She told them about the men who he hired to attack them, how she had killed two of them. They told her about Helen Cho and everything they found in Harold’s attic. When they finally told her about Pogo, Vanya broke down again and Allison forced them all out of the room. The four of them, five including Ben, sat out in the hallway the rest of the night. Listening to Vanya cry until dawn.

Once Vanya stopped crying, Allison made her some food and helped her take a shower. Diego and Klaus both disappeared after breakfast presumably to sleep. Vanya practically pushed Allison into bed as well, begging her to get some rest. Luther was the only other one still awake. He was doing his best to give Vanya space so he was in the kitchen most, preparing a dinner for them to have in the evening.

Five and Vanya went out to the porch so they could have a much-needed talk.

“Will it make you feel better if I agree with you?” Five asked genuinely curious. “Yes, you were going to cause the apocalypse but we stopped it. As you can see,” Five held out his arms, showing the world that was still there. “It didn’t happen.” Vanya looked around the large yard, up at the blue sky and squinted at the sun shining down. Spring was finally in full swing and today was the first day there wasn’t a chill in the air. 

“Still makes me feel like it’s my fault,” Vanya said softly, almost too quietly for Five to hear. Five didn’t say anything back. He leaned back in his chair, watching as Vanya sunk down on the steps and ran her fingers through her hair with a groan. 

Five could see a notable difference in her from when he saw her a week ago. Her face was more expressive, her eyes had light to them as he’d never really seen. She was pissed off and heartbroken and it all rolled off her as she fidgeted at the top of the steps. This was Vanya off the medication she had been on since she was four. She was free to feel whatever emotion came through her at their full effect, no longer dulled by pills. It was a side of his sister that he’d never truly known. Even worse, it was a side that _Vanya_ had never known as well.

“Alright, so what do I do?” Vanya asked, turning around to look at Five. “How do I not start the apocalypse?” 

“We train you,” Five said simply. “We need to get a hold of that journal you saw, but until then we can go off the little work you had already been doing. You said you were having some success?” Five wasn’t happy about it, but it appeared that Harold Jenkins at least had figured out a path to Vanya learning to control her powers. She told them how she had been able to pull back when they had worked on it in the woods.

“We’re secluded out here,” Five got up from his chair and came to sit next to Vanya on the steps. “We’re out of the city, it’s as good a place as any for you to work on your powers.” Vanya’s fingers twisted around themselves in her lap and she gave Five a sad smile.

“The last time didn’t work out so well,” 

“Well, this time, you have us,” Five reminded her. “You have me.” Vanya relaxed and smiled at him. Five then reached into his pocket and pulled out the pill bottle he was still carrying around.

“I found this,” he dropped the bottle into her open hand and she brought it up to her face to examine it. “You always have the option to go back on your pills. It’s proven to keep your emotions at a level your powers aren’t triggered by.” Vanya didn’t say anything for a moment. Her eyes stayed glued on the bottle in her hand, at the pills that had ruled her entire life and sedated who she was.

“It would be easy wouldn’t it?” she asked, possibly more to herself than to Five. 

“I wouldn't judge you,” Vanya chuckled lightly and then handed the pills back to Five.

“I think I would,” She said and Five nodded and tucked the bottle back into his pocket. It went back to being quiet between them. Not an uncomfortable one, but less comfortable than Five remembered when it was just he and Vanya. The two of them would sit in silence while they did their schoolwork or read their books side by side without making a sound. Talking to her had been even easier. Now Five struggled with something to say to her.

He wanted to tell her it would be alright, that with him here now things would finally work out. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for leaving, not just when they were kids but that first night he was back. He wanted to tell her how much he missed her. How much having her book with him all those had meant to him. How much he wished he could have changed the way her life had gone. Everything Five wanted to say to her was banging around his mind and it somehow pushed out the one thing he didn’t want to say to her.

“I would have thought that you would have tried to see me again over the past week,” Vanya looked at him sharply, clearly caught off guard by what he’d said. Five was as well, but it had been a nagging thought in the back of him the past few days. One that he refused to acknowledge, even to himself. It was too childish and, at the time he thought, something he didn’t have time to worry about. 

“I came to the Academy looking for you,” Vanya said quietly. 

“Once,”

“And you told me you were going to get some sleep,” Vanya reminded him. “You made it pretty clear that you wanted me to leave. I thought I was respecting your boundaries or something.” She shrunk back a little and Five felt bad. 

He didn’t want to accuse her of anything. He had been the one to push her away, he tried pushing all of his siblings away. The others though; every time he turned around it seemed, they were following him or getting in the way. He asked Vanya one time for some space and the next time he saw her, she was about to end the world.

“Yeah,” he said, looking down at his hands. “I guess I thought, out of everyone, you might have _wanted_ to see me.” Five couldn’t look at her now. He felt open and vulnerable in a way that made him feel weak. As children, she used to be the one he could admit these things too and it never felt like it did now. 

“I did want to,” Vanya said. “I just-Leonard and everything started happening. Then I was off my meds for the first time and I just-I don’t-” Vanya sighed and stood up. She walked down the steps and stood on the ground in front of him and she took a deep breath.

“Do you want me to be honest?” Five looked surprised, he hadn’t expected an explanation but nodded anyway. “I’ve missed you, more than I could ever say. I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t want to lose you again.” Five believed that. He remembered the look in her eye when she had said, the slight desperation in her voice, and he felt the swell of shame for leaving that night.

“It’s been so long-” She shook her head and for a moment, looked like she might cry again. “I mean, you look the same, you look like a kid.” Five fought the urge to scowl and Vanya pushed on. “I also hardly recognize you.” She looked ashamed and played with the ends of her hair for a moment.

“Your eyes are a different shade of green than I remembered,” she said looking up at him again. “You’re taller, I always thought of you as this small little kid who was missing, and you’re taller than me.” Her laughter shook, giving away the sadness underneath it. 

“I guess, staring at oil painting for the past seventeen years, it became my most vivid memory of you.” Five didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say, and Vanya walked back up the steps and sat down next to him. She didn’t look at him but she took one of his hands into both of hers and the silence between then stretched on.

Five looked at her from the corner of his eye and he understood what she meant. She was different in his memory as well, all of his siblings were. Somewhere along the line, Vanya had ceased to be the actual child he had known and morphed into a picture on the back of a book.

Five brought his other hand up and put it on to hers and smiled. She smiled back and like the ash clearing from his mind, the silence started to feel a little more comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vanya is back!! One more chapter to go!! Expect it soon!! I hope everyone has enjoyed this little adventure and hopefully will stick around because I have so many more ideas for my little pocket universe I've made for these crazy siblings. I have plans, so many plans. So I hope you'll come along!!
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!!


	13. With every mistake we must surely be learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are!! We have made it to the end! Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, it is more appreciated than I can say!! I am so excited to be finally getting to the end of this and I hope you have enjoyed the journey!! 
> 
> (This chapter does include a very small mention of a flashback I wrote as a separate fic, The Sugar Rush, The Constant Hush, it's not vital to have read it but I encourage you to check it out if you haven't already!)
> 
> Chapter title from While My Guitar Gently Weeps by the Beatles

The first time Five figured out he could time travel was when he was ten years old. He was in a training session and Reginald was making him jump as fast as he could and as many times as he could. Faster and faster he jumped from spot to spot. The longer he went the more it felt like his body was trying to tear itself apart. Sweat poured down his face and with every jump, his legs got weaker. His ears started to ring and he felt the blood begin to trickle out his nose. _Faster,_ was all Reginald told him, so he kept going.

The room around him began to blur in a swirl of blues and greens. It started to get harder to tell the difference between the physical world he occupied and the strange place in between. Pain started to course through his body and he tried to hold back as long as he could, but he finally screamed and gave one last push and at that moment, Five jumped forward 45 seconds into the future. Five had felt it happen and he saw the look on Reginald’s face when he collapsed at his feet.

_Fear._

After that, Reginald refused to let Five experiment more with what he had done. He told him he needed to be better at his spacial jumps before he could begin to attempt something like that. So Five worked harder than he did before. He practiced even outside of training. He also started working on the calculations and reading every physics book he could find. Five always had trouble sleeping, but now he didn’t even try, staying up all night without even looking up from the equations that poured out of him. 

The power to time travel was inside him, it pulsed louder every day and each time Reginald shot him down, Five became more determined to prove him wrong.

He should have listened to the old man.

Still, after everything he’d been through, all the things he could never take back, it had led him back to his family. They might have even stopped the apocalypse. It hadn’t been perfect, they still lost more than they should have, but the seven of them were together, Five had to be grateful for that. Because now he sat at a table with all of his siblings and for the first time since he’d been back, they were having a meal together and were actually getting along. 

Vanya was still pale and looked like she would fall over at any moment, but some color had come back to her cheeks and she was smiling softly at everyone around her. She looked happy to be included, just like when they were kids and she got to play a game with them. Allison was at her side, she’d luckily taken over cooking from Luther so their meal was edible. Luther was sitting the farthest from her, but he had an easy smile on his face and was even joking around with Klaus and Diego. He knew the easy peace wouldn’t last, that was just a given in this family, but for the moment everything was fine.

Watching them, Five tried to ignore the hole that was starting to open up in his chest. There was so much that he didn’t know about them, so much time they had missed together. They were reminiscing over stories that Five had never heard. Diego mentioned the pickle incident and everyone, including Vanya, laughed at the memory that Five had no clue of.

Sometimes, Five would have these dreams about his family. They would be far off in the distance, all together. His heart would swell and relief would almost make him lightheaded. He would run to them, as fast as he could, but he never got any closer. They just stayed these blurry figures just out of his reach. Five felt like that now, not as intensely, but this strange detachment and longing for something right in front of him.

The second he saw that his siblings were finished with dinner, Five got up from his chair and walked out of the kitchen. The others didn’t say anything, they may not have noticed, and Five headed to the front door. The air in the house was too thick suddenly and he needed to go outside. 

Just as he put his hand on the doorknob, a box sitting by the door caught his eyes. Diego had brought in the last of the boxes of the things they collected at the Academy. Staring up at Five now was a framed picture of them when they were young. It was from that first mission at the bank when they debuted to the world as _The Umbrella Academy._ Five’s breath caught in his throat as he gingerly picked up the picture and looked at the young faces of his siblings. These were still the faces that came to his mind when he thought of them, although every day it felt like they were being edged out. A clatter of noise as the others started to clear the table pulled Five from his thoughts and still holding onto the picture, he moved outside.

It was dark out and the earlier heat from the day and cooled to a comfortable degree. In the light on the porch moths fluttered around the bulb and created shadows dancing along the porch. In the distance, Five could dimly see the spot they’d buried Pogo, the mound of dirt slightly raised from the rest of the ground. Around him, Five could hear the soft chirp of crickets and frogs further in the distance. Somewhere near the dirt road, there was a scurry of noise and two raccoons rushed by. Five couldn’t remember the last time he’d stopped long enough to really notice these things about the world around him. The apocalypse had been devoid of all of it and his time in the commission left him with little chances to appreciate the living world around him.

Five turned his attention to the picture in his hands and looked over everyone. Luther was standing proud and tall. Perfect smile in place and his hands heroically on his hips. Diego was next to him, standing awkwardly with his favorite knife held out in front of him. His smile was lopsided and forced; he wanted to be the hero Luther was but was just falling short. Allison stood out a little in front of all of them, separating herself from the pack, turned slightly, having already figured out what her good side was. Her smile was confident like she was born to be in the spotlight. Five snorted when he looked at Klaus. He was leaning his arm on Five’s shoulder, the two of them with mischievous grins on their faces. Five remembered the whispered words between them, making fun of Luther and Diego for taking this so seriously. Five’s eyes then settled on Ben, bloody and doing his best to hide behind Five’s shoulder. The jokes had been for his benefit, but Ben didn’t smile for two more days after this.

The front door squeaked open, but Five didn’t move. The sound of bare feet padding across the porch alerted Five to exactly who was coming, so he didn’t even bother to look up. 

“Oh my god,” Klaus snorted as he sat down on the steps next to Five. “Look at Diego, he looks like such a dork.” He chuckled lightly, taking the picture out of Five’s hands and held it closer to his face to see in the dim light.

“Are you checking up on me?” Five asked. Klaus didn’t respond right away, he smiled fondly at the picture for a moment before he set down between them and shrugged his shoulders at Five.

“Do you need checking up on?”

“You followed me,”

“Well, my tiniest brother,” Klaus said, leaning back on his elbows. “The last time you got up from the table and walked out the door, you didn’t come back for 17 years. I didn’t follow you back then, so you’re stuck with me following you now.” Five turned to him prepared to scoff off the notion that Klaus, at 13, could have stopped him from doing anything. Klaus’s expression was amused, but Five could see the guilt in his eyes so he held his tongue.

“I never should have left,” he said instead, picking the picture back up. “I missed a lot.” Klaus was quiet again, most of his face masked in shadows before he finally shrugged.

“So did we,” he said. “You’re different.” It felt like an insult, though Five knew in his heart that wasn’t what Klaus meant, it still hurt like one. 

“But,” Klaus said, pushing himself back upright. “If you didn’t time travel, we wouldn’t have known about the apocalypse.” Five sighed at that and shook his head.

“If I had been here,” he said, more annoyed than he actually felt. “I would have been there for Vanya, to help her not feel so alone. Then there might not have _been_ an apocalypse.” Five could have insisted she be included more and he would have at least talked her out of writing that damn book. Maybe he would have even learned to question her medication and discover the truth about her powers before they had become so destructive.

“Hey, come on,” Klaus said. “I thought we all agreed that we were going to blame Dad for all that.”

“I would have stopped you from doing all those drugs,” Five pointed out, narrowing his eyes at Klaus. Five was still trying to understand how the others just gave up trying to get Klaus clean and let him go live on the streets. He was trying to take what Diego had said to him to heart, he hadn’t been here to fully experience Klaus in those days, but Five needed to believe he could have gotten through to him somehow.

“That’s cute,” Klaus said. “But I was already flying down that road long before you even left, so don’t go thinking you would have made a difference about that.” 

“Well, Ben-”

“Five, no,” Klaus stopped him, his mask of indifference falling off to reveal the anxiety underneath. “Don’t finish that sentence.” Five’s throat suddenly felt too tight and he swallowed desperately to ease the pain and tried not to think of Ben hovering nearby. Beside him, Klaus shifted, his hand fisting in his hair for a moment while a frustrated look came over his face.

“Five, bud, you-” Sighing, Klaus hopped down the steps and faced Five now, standing on the ground. “I know you think that you can just do anything by sheer force of you being an asshole, but some things just _are_ and you can’t change that.” Five blinked, surprised by the seriousness on Klaus’s face. 

“You’re the one with that big logical brain,” Klaus continued. “Vanya was lonely, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve overdosed and Ben is dead. It _happened._ Hating ourselves and each other for the fucked up things that already happened is what got us into this mess in the first place.” Five looked away as he realized Klaus was right. 

The _what if’s_ and _could have beens_ didn’t matter in the end. What mattered was what was coming. Whatever the commission had planned, or more of Reginald’s secrets coming to light, that was where his focus needed to be. Even with his powers, Five couldn’t change the past. The only thing left was to protect the future.

“So if you’re even thinking about time tra-”

“I’m not,” Five quickly cut him off. “I’m not leaving you guys again.” Klaus went quiet, looking at him for a long moment, then he sighed.

“I don’t believe you,” Five swallowed roughly again, the pain in his throat moved to his chest as that small admittance rolled through his body. It hurt, Klaus not believing him, but that small part in him, the part that hated himself more than anything, honestly couldn’t blame him. 

When Five didn’t say anything, Klaus came back up the steps and sat down next to him. For a moment they were quiet. The crickets, frogs and raccoons were the only noise around them as Five tried to think of something to say. He wanted to reassure Klaus that he could trust him, but nothing was coming to mind. The best he could do was just stick around and prove it.

“You know what we should do?” Klaus asked, bumping his arm into Five’s shoulder. “We should go on a candy run.” Five turned his head and Klaus now had a smile back on his face. 

“What?” 

“Come on,” Klaus said brightly, shoving at Five’s arm lightly. “Like when we were kids. There’s a gas station less than a mile from here. We go and stock up on everyone's favorite candy and we come back heroes.” A smile slowly crept onto Five’s face, old fading memories of stealing candy buzzed in the back of his brain and finally the pain inside began to recede. 

“Alright,” he said. “But we’re not stealing anything, we can’t afford to draw attention to ourselves.” Klaus let out an exasperated groan and got up. 

“Fine, take all the fun out of it,” he said and turned to the door. “Let me get some shoes.” As Klaus went inside, Five looked into the house and saw the rest of his siblings still gathered in the kitchen. Luther was doing dishes while Diego, Allison and Vanya sat together at the table. He smiled looking at them so peaceful before the door shut and he was alone again.

His siblings would never understand what it was that he lived through in the apocalypse. He would never understand what it had been like after he left. But Five had finally gotten his family back. It hadn’t been how he wanted and or expected. His brothers and sisters were more of a mess than Vanya’s book made them out to be, and were still pretty useless. Despite all of that, he realized that he loved even more fiercely than he had as a child, and no one was taking them away from him again.

***********************************

“This is a crap selection.” Klaus pouted, looking at only two rows of candy the small gas station had to offer. 

“Well, this was your suggestion.” Five reminded him, his eyes scanning the small store. Besides the man behind the counter, there were three other people there. One guy picking out lottery numbers and a man and a woman getting things out of the frozen food section.

“Let's go somewhere else,” 

“No,” Five said, frowning at him. “There’s plenty here, just get something.” They hadn’t even taken the car so going somewhere else was out of the question. Klaus grumbled but started taking a few snickers bars so Five started looking around again.

Five had to admit that being at Allison’s felt a lot safer than being out in the open like now. It was late and they were in the middle of nowhere, this would be a perfect time for someone from the commission to find them. Five was wavering between wishing he hadn’t agreed to this and feeling like he was being too paranoid. 

“Oh! Sour Patch Kids!” Klaus exclaimed gleefully. “Okay, I take it back. This place is fine.” 

“Good,” Five said, stepping away so he could go closer to the windows. “Hurry up,” Outside was darker, and clouds rolling in covering the moon and stars only made it darker. Walking had obviously been a bad idea and Five was about to tell Klaus this when a figure under a streetlamp caught his attention.

It was a man, close to six feet tall, in a suit and holding a familiar briefcase. He couldn’t see the man’s face or any details that would tell him who this was. Five started to curl into fists but he remembered Klaus was with him and he didn’t want to alert him to the possible danger before Five knew what it was. The man started walking forward but before he could get into better light, he turned and headed around to the side of the building, passing the bathrooms as he did. When he disappeared around the corner, Five turned to Klaus.

“I’m going to use the bathroom,” he said. 

“Really?” Klaus said, making a face at the bathrooms outside before shrugging. “I guess if you survived the apocalypse then gas station bathrooms would be a piece of cake.” He grinned before he started looking through the potato chips on the next shelf.

“Don’t leave until I come back,” Five said firmly. “Don’t even step outside.” Klaus glanced up at him and rolled his eyes.

“Okay mom,” he said sarcastically and Five quickly walked out the door. Rounding the corner, he found the man waiting for him.

“It’s been a long time, Number Five.” Stepping into the light Five finally got a good look at him. 

“Tex?” At first glance, Tex hadn’t changed much since the last time Five saw his old partner. He was still tall with broad shoulders, though he had lost some muscle mass and appeared almost smaller than Five remembered. His dirty blonde hair was lighter and gray was sprinkled in his short trimmed beard. 

“Seems I got older, but look at you,” Tex shook his head, wrinkles around his eyes were more pronounced and his skin in his face sagged down a bit more than it had. “Time is a fucked up thing, isn’t it?” 

“What are you doing here?” Five was tense all over. It wasn’t as if Tex was really a threat, he was on Five’s list of people he wanted to find. But him just showing up out of the blue? Five didn’t like it.

“I’ve come to warn you,” Tex said, coming closer and Five clenched his jaw.

“The apocalypse?” 

“It’s still on,” _Shit. Fuck._ Five didn’t know why he was surprised, it’s what he’s been expecting this whole time. Getting confirmation still felt like a punch in the gut. 

“Do you know how it happens?” he asked, hoping he didn’t look as shaky as he felt. 

“I do,” Tex said, setting his briefcase down and reached inside his suit jacket. Five was ready to jump out of there but Tex just pulled an envelope. “It’s become an all hands on deck situation, and the targets are you and your family.” Five slowly let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Once again, he wasn’t surprised but felt sick nonetheless. 

“They’ve spread them out between all the agents that are still around,” Tex explained, looking at the envelope in his hands. “They’ll keep giving out names until you are all dead, except for your sister Vanya who, consumed by grief, will bring on the end of the world.” Five leaned back a little against the brick wall and shook his head. It actually was a swift, simple idea and part of him was impressed.

“Were you ordered to kill my family?” Five asked, pointing to the envelope. Tex snorted, sadness washing over his face for a moment before he tucked the emotion back behind his business as usual mask.

“They gave me the big one,” he smirked, flapping the envelope lightly. “I guess since we were once partners they think they’re being Shakesperian about it.” Five smirked back, it did sound like something the commission would do.

“They also told all of us all about you and your family,” Tex said, tucking the envelope back into his pocket. “Apparently, Hazel and Cha Cha didn’t even know the basic stuff when they went after you.” That didn’t surprise Five. With how long it had been since his siblings had faced anyone with the skills of Hazel and Cha Cha, they had held their own better than Five would have expected. If those two had actually done their homework though, that might not have been the case and Five was actually grateful for their laziness.

“Well, those two never were fans of actual work,” Five snorted and Tex chuckled in agreement. 

“No, they weren’t,” Tex shook his head and then his expression became more serious. “But we know it all now and there are agents ready to take out your family so you need to be prepared.” Five nodded, pushing himself off the wall to stand straighter.

“Do you know what agents have what names?” he asked. Tex looked away as lightning lit up the sky and Five tried to ignore the gnawing in the back of his head that said Tex wasn’t as on his side as Five hoped.

“You know they gave me two names?” Tex asked, shaking his head, a grin on his face. “You never told me you were a twin.” Five froze and the world around him seemed to stop. _Twin._ Five felt like his head was spinning and he was back against the wall again.

“The thing is, and I really am sorry about this,” Five looked up at Tex, fear growing inside him as he looked at the regret on his old partner's face. Tex was like him, regret was reserved for only the big things, and those were few and far between. “But I have to do my part on this, I have to kill you both. It’s the only way to save my family.” 

“What?” Five said stepping forward. Disbelief flooded him as he glared at Tex. “You’re the one who first told me that they will lie to get you to do what they say.” Tex shook his head and Five clenched his hands at his side in anger. 

“This is different,” 

“How?” Five almost shouted, anger replacing any hint of fear in him.

“You fucked up a lot of things when you attacked the commission,” Tex said, the friendly tone dropping slightly. “Things have changed, there’s someone new in charge and they made it very clear that if I fulfill this last job, I can go back and save _my family.”_ Someone new was in charge? The Handler must have met her end somehow, or maybe she was replaced since the apocalypse was screwed up. It didn’t really matter though, convincing Tex that they were still lying was more important.

“They couldn’t have changed that much,” he growled. “Why would you even come to warn me in the first place if you’re planning on killing me anyway?”

“Because we have history and I respect that,” Tex said firmly.

“Respect?” Five wanted to laugh.

“Yes, respect,” Tex sighed and overhead there more lightning and soon the soft rumbles of thunder in the distance. “I wanted to warn you so you could at least save the rest of your family and this way you and your brother can get your affairs in order.” _Brother. Fuck. Shit._ Five ran his hand through his hair, his hand shaking and he tried to breathe through the panic that started to swell through him.

“How about, I warn my family, and you kill me?” Five asked. “Just me, that has to enough for them, I’m the one they want.” Tex shook his head sadly.

“I’m sorry Five,” he said. “I don’t like this, but I think you, of all people, should understand what’s at stake for me.” Tex reached down and picked his briefcase back up, fiddling with it for a moment. Five’s heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his throat and if he could just calm it down he would take down Tex right now.

“It’s you and your brother for my wife and boys,” Tex shrugged. “I have to do this.”

“I will kill you if you come near my brother,” Five said in a low voice, pushing himself off the wall, he couldn’t hide the fact that he was shaking anymore. Tex was quiet for a moment, then he nodded.

“I admire you Five, I always have,” he said, once again touching the controls on the briefcase. “But the next time you see me, _I_ will be killing you. Don’t forget, I taught you everything you know.” He gave one final nod before he started to open the briefcase.

“Wait,” Five called out. “What was the other name you got?” He had to know for certain. Right now he was only guessing. Tex looked up and as the blue light filled the air he gave one last smile.

“Klaus Hargreeves,” With that, Tex was gone. 

Five was alone again in the darkness of the ally and with a crack of thunder, rain began to fall. Five looked back at the gas station. Klaus was inside, leaning on the counter as he had an animated conversation with the man behind the counter. Klaus looked up and saw Five watching him so he smiled and waved his _Hello_ hand. Five swallowed down the bile that was creeping up and he numbly waved back.

“Shit,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing can stay quiet for too long! And confirmed, Five and Klaus are twins (in my universe at least lol) I have a lot planned for this series and I hope you will keep reading! I am going to take a little break to fully enjoy the new season and then I will begin writing the next part right after. I want to get a good chunk of it written before I start posting so there will be a bit of a wait, but that means when I do start posting there will be a much faster and more constant posting schedule. Feel free to follow me on Tumblr @under_the_shady_tree where I sometimes ramble about whatever I'm writing. My ask box is always open and feel free to message me if you have a question or want to say hi! I'm kind of a quiet person but I promise I'm friendly lol.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought and if you're looking forward to the next part. I, like always, have been a little nervous about this. I don't think I've seen many fics where Five and Klaus end of being twins so I don't know what the feelings about this might be. But thank you again for reading and making it this far. See you on the next one!

**Author's Note:**

> More to come soon! Let me know what you think!


End file.
